Close Enough

Bill Walton. Lee Alcindor. Then everyone else https://t.co/VrKbFam0xM

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) March 19, 2020

He's Gone !

Allow Shank to shed some crocodile tears:

Red Sox pitcher/outfielder Babe Ruth, a three-time World Series champion with Boston, was sold to the New York Yankees in January of 1920.

One hundred years later, New England woke up on a Tuesday morning in the middle of a national public health crisis and learned that Tom Brady has decided to leave the New England Patriots after 20 seasons that yielded six Super Bowl championships. Brady delivered the news in a goodbye message on his Twitter account at 8:45 a.m.

There will be plenty of days to dissect and analyze why Brady is leaving and where he might be going. We may never know whether the Patriots made a serious bid to keep him or whether they effectively pushed him away with a lowball offer. Or no offer.

I'm 100% certain Shank will follow up with this angle. By Stephen A. Smith's account of things, Kraft's saying 'nope, wasn't me', even though he would have been the person responsible for 'working it out' and he didn't work anything out. This will be sports gossip for a while, and Shank will be fanning the flames.

As suspicions rise and conflicting stories surface, we’ll have slices of blame pie for Bill Belichick, Bob Kraft, Alex Guerrero, Gisele Bundchen, TB12, and all the other influencers in Brady’s life.

Two things - with that sentence, the odds of Shank throwing more gas on the fire went from 'sure thing' to 'it's a lock', and like his fellow Boston sports asshole (Michael Felger), they are overly concerned / obsessed over needing to blame someone for this situation. Some things simply run their course and this is one of them. I'm pretty sure that's all part of their schtick - to spice things up and, in Shank's case, cheap and easy shots against Kraft.

The rest of the column reads eerily like the NFL Network special they had on Tom Brady last night.

He's Gone (?)

A decade after first predicting Tom Brady was on the decline, Shank thinks he may finally be right:

Tom Brady finds out that (almost) no one wants a 43-year-old quarterback

The big Tom Brady sweepstakes is now down to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the New England Patriots? That’s the buzz today.

Seriously? The Tampa Bay Buccaneers? The team with the worst winning percentage in NFL history? Tom Brady is going to finish his career with the Bucs?

I doubt it. The longer this goes, the more it feels like Tom isn’t going anywhere. Because nobody wants to pay him $30 million per year for another two or three years.

Because he’ll be 43 bloody years old!

For the last year, it has amazed me that so little is made of Brady’s age. Truly. This is professional sports. Sure, Brady is different and the rules have allowed QBs to extend careers in a simulated bubble, but no athlete is at the top of their game at the age of 43.

This is not a post disagreeing with the notion of a 42 / 43 year old NFL quarterback being eminently marketable; it is my disdain with Shank for reveling so many times on the demise of Tom Brady's professional career.

If I had time right now, I'd go back and do the math on how many times Shank has predicted Brady's end to his career over finally getting it right. We both know that number would be a small one.

Read A Fucking Book, Mate

With all of the coronavirus panic / extreme measures being taken (take your pick there; I'm split 50/50 at this point), Shank asks the evergreen question during these dark, lonely times:

Without sports, what do we do now?

Through the decades the games have been there to distract us from real world problems. Now the games are gone.

What do we do now?

We hunker down in our homes. We make sure we have enough toilet paper and Cheerios. We think about how to open and close doors without touching doorknobs. We avoid checking our 401(k). We pray at home because church is canceled. We dust off old board games (when was the last time you played Scrabble?). We ask friends for recommendations for good TV shows to binge.

We do not watch sports on television. There are no more games on TV. And there are not going to be games for quite a while.

OK, maybe I jumped on him a little quick there! This turns out to be a pretty good start to the column, and the rest of it is promising as well.

This whole exercise with the panic / extreme measures should prove a bit interesting, because as a tax preparer I'm more or less naturally sequestered for the next month regardless of other circumstances. I'll probably pick up more on it because now a lot of other people are doing the same thing. In any event, this stuff will be over sooner than we think (early spring, right around the corner!).

Wipeout, Coronavirus Edition

There's been a ton of recent events related to the coronavirus that makes Shank's previous two whinefests shrink to the insignificance they deserve. Shank ably documents nearly if not all of these recent events & cancellations, and it's a pretty good column which you may want to read more of.

Suddenly, coronavirus wipes almost all of our sports off the landscape

FORT MYERS, Fla. — It is a deadly global threat that has nothing to do with sports. And yet in two days, it has become one of the biggest sports stories of all time.

It is breathless and ever-changing. It moves at warp speed toward . . . the unknown.

And it feels fruitless to say or write anything about it because by the time you read these words, so much will have changed. There is simply no way to keep up with the impact of the coronavirus on our North American sports leagues, teams, and tours.

Our nation’s capital is basically shut down. Kids are staying home from school. College students have been ordered to evacuate. Hospitals are preparing for what could be a dangerous and unmanageable surge. Broadway is dark. Disneyland is shutting down Saturday. Whole Foods has been rendered less than whole.

My biggest takeaway so far from this particular impact of the coronavirus cancellations (which I personally have no problem with whatsoever) is this, which needs to be repeated every now and then - there is more to life than sports.

Classic Media Overreaction, Part Deux

Shank continues to peddle the notion that health related clubhouse restrictions are impeding his ability to do his job, among other notions:

Trying to keep you informed — while keeping our distance — at Red Sox camp

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Nomar Garciaparra was ahead of his time. Come to think of it, maybe David Price can come back to the Red Sox now.

Monday morning was Day One of having no reporters in the clubhouse at spring training. It was the same at every NBA, NHL, and MLS locker room in North America. The coronavirus has temporarily (perhaps) created an atmosphere that players crave. Can’t say that I blame them. Who would want all those prying eyes when you are at your workplace?

Let the record show that I was one of the last reporters to darken the doorstep of the Red Sox clubhouse at JetBlue Park before the ban was announced Monday night.

I bolded that word above for a few reasons. One of them is my omission from yesterday's post that this thought of a permanent clubhouse ban is bollocks. He started out his last column in the same way before he more or less backtracked and by the end said he hoped it wouldn't be for long. It's part of his routine, basically...

It was an uneventful experience, but I’ll tell you about it anyway since I may be the last Globie ever to work the Red Sox room at JetBlue.

It all starts to fall apart when the next chunk of the column talks about Shank's interactions with Red Sox players and personnel, some of whom had to split to catch a bus for last night's game against the Braves, and there were four of them. Maybe this number should be at six to eight because now all the Red Sox players can use this excuse to avoid Shaughnessy. Excellent!

Further - what the new rule(s) actually are:

A few hours after my last loop in the locker room, the Red Sox PR staff sent out a media advisory regarding Tuesday access, stating, “The media relations staff will bring players and coaches out to the media bench between 9:15-10:15 a.m.” The memo advised reporters to request players in advance, and stated, “A minimum distance of 6 feet needs to be kept between the player/coach speaking to reporters.” (I think the Shaughnessy Rule is 10 feet.)

My 'Shaughnessy Rule' is 10 miles - what's yours?

Reporters who requested interviews dutifully gathered by the outdoor interview bench at 9:15 Tuesday morning. They waited for just under two hours. In that time, the only players produced were Barnes and Brandon Workman, at the request of the Associated Press.

Even though this particular one was short on player availability, this would be called at worst 'limited access', correct? Shaughnessy, contrary to the last column's conclusion, clearly thinks otherwise:

Welcome to Nomar Nirvana. More fists. More elbows. No handshakes. No high-fives. No spitting.

And no reporters in the clubhouse.

Except for the ones six feet from the podium! His 'concerns' are exaggerated and overblown, like that of the rest of his media brethren on this subject.

Classic Media Overreaction

The most charitable thing I'll say about the media with respect to the recent coronavirus cases in the U.S. and elsewhere is that they're grossly irresponsible. It is beyond obvious. The first thing I figured about print media after reading newspapers for two months is they love to scare the shit out of people and this is no exception.

Leave it to Shank to preemptively bellyache about losing precious access to locker rooms for a while. Let's cut to the chase:

In this spirit, I resisted the urge to hug Alex Verdugo when I first approached him in the Red Sox clubhouse Monday morning. Similarly, J.D. Martinez and I eschewed our traditional fist bump. But let’s not create a clear path to eliminate locker room access in perpetuity. Sadly, potential media-restriction policies were greeted with applause over the weekend by a couple of well-heeled sportswriters who insulted a century of hard work by beat reporters while simultaneously promoting erosion of media availability in professional sports locker rooms.

All of two people:

“I honestly don’t think we ever need to be in a locker room,” tweeted the estimable Grant Wahl, a 25-year veteran of Sports Illustrated who covers the US women’s soccer team. “Doing mixed-zone postgame interviews with the USWNT outside their locker room has never been a problem.”

Sopan Deb, who identifies as “NBA culture scribe” and has been with the New York Times for at least a half-hour, quickly chimed in with, "THIS IS 100 PERCENT CORRECT. It is so weird that for decades it became accepted practice for reporters to just hang out in locker room watching/waiting for athletes to get dressed.''

Both writers quickly backtracked. Wahl confessed that his tweet was “dumb,” while Deb deleted his message. But that won’t stop a legion of team-loving, media-hating fanboys from rushing to their keyboards to vilify journalists who fuel the 24/7 programming for our sports talk industrial complex.

Incorrect - some of us 'villfy journalists' because a lot of you are assholes, and Shank in particular is an irresponsible asshole in this case.

You'd suppose that would be the end of end of it and it is, for the most part. He also mentions all the reasons locker room access is a good thing and why, then starts retelling stories he's told six hundred times already. By the end of the column Shank dials back the hyperbole and just 'hopes' clubhouse / locker room access isn't banned permanently. He's talking out of both sides of his mouth with this column.

Kirk Minihane thinks he knows why Shank's all bent out of shape about it:

Written by a guy who spends his precious company time drinking at the EMC Club at Fenway during games. https://t.co/uAchSigsBB

— Kirk Minihane (@kirkmin) March 9, 2020

DHL Dan XCVII - Reusable Columns!

Shank rehashes his Tom Brady column from last week and is milking it for all it's worth:

Still waiting on the Tom Brady situation, and other picked-up pieces

If Brady leaves, it will be the biggest non-game-related story in Boston since Babe Ruth was traded

Picked-up pieces while waiting for the interminable (more than 50 days so far) Tom Brady situation be resolved . . .

■ If Brady leaves the Patriots, it will go down as the biggest non-game-related Boston sports story since Babe Ruth was sold to the Yankees more than 100 years ago. Brady leaving is bigger than Spygate, Deflategate, and the LeRoux Coup at Fenway. It’s bigger than the sudden deaths of Reggie Lewis, Len Bias, and Harry Agganis. Bigger than the Braves leaving Boston. Bigger than the trading of Nomar and Mookie Betts. Bigger than Haywood Sullivan forgetting to mail Carlton Fisk a contract. Bigger than Bobby Orr going to the Black Hawks. Bigger than Bill Parcells to the Jets and Ted Williams going off to war twice. Bigger than the trade that brought Bill Russell to Boston. There can be no doubt. Tom leaving will be our biggest (non-game) sports story since the selling of the Bambino.

Gearing up to write another crappy book, Shank?

Shank's Mailbag - No Wait For The Hate

In an occasional series, Shank dedicates a column to him being an asshole:

For a columnist in the digital age, there’s no wait for the hate

Is Shank finally accepting the fact he's in 'the digital age'? That's a start.

We write about sports. You (hopefully) read what we write. Increasingly, you tell us what you think about what we write. In today’s free-for-all, everybody-is-a-columnist age of opinions, there are simply so many ways to respond.

I first noticed this on football Sundays on the road with the Patriots. In the old days, a column offered from the press box in Pittsburgh might trigger a small sack of angry mail back at the old home office on Morrissey Boulevard. It would take a couple of days, but by Wednesday it was made clear to me in no uncertain terms that I suck.

Again, Shank is slow on the take or playing dumb oh-so-conveniently. When did you first figure out that Shank sucked, like after the fourth column?

Let Shank explain what we've known for years - he writes his columns ahead of time:

Now I suck on Sunday afternoon in Pittsburgh before even leaving the press box.

Let me explain: I am a speedy scribe and sometimes finish ahead of my harder-working colleagues at Patriot games. In some cases, I am done first.

This gives Globe editors back in Boston time to edit and post the column. It gives the readers a crack at being first to call me a knucklehead. By the time all my colleagues are done with their work and ready to carpool back to the hotel, I already have an early exit poll from agitated Globe readers who care deeply about their Patriots.

Might be worth a read, even if it's just to bask in the Shank self-flagellation.

Making It Official

Shank 'officially' wishes Tom Brady would leave the New England Patriots.

I am officially hoping Tom Brady leaves the Patriots

I just want it to be over.

And I officially am hoping Tom Brady leaves the Patriots.

Sorry.

I want Tom to go because his history-making time has run its course here. I like sports drama, and it would be a much better story if Tom goes to a new team. I’d like to see what Bill Belichick can do without Brady. I’d like to see what Brady can do for the Los Angeles/Tampa Bay/Tennessee Bradys.

I don’t want to bear witness to another AFC-East winning, oh-so-boring 10-6 Patriots season with 43-year-old Tom staggering through games, pouting through his postgame press sessions, then delivering cryptic messages on social media.

Kansas City, Tennessee, Baltimore, and Houston were all better than the Patriots in 2019. With or without Tom, it’s unlikely the Patriots will be better than those teams in 2020. It’s time for all of us to get on with our lives.

These are compelling points, and the rest of the column is worth a read. I'm willing to cut Brady all the slack he's earned, but all things must eventually pass.

This part is telling (I've brought it up before):

Please. Make it stop. I’d rather do four hours of sports talk radio solo than listen to any more debate on this issue.

Almost can't wait for his next Zo and Bertrand appearance!

Mill Grist

After writing a positive Red Sox column (in order to show some 'balance', perhaps?), Shank falls right back into form:

More good news for the Boston Devil Rays https://t.co/QojY2KOeXc

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) February 27, 2020

He's hoping the 'Boston Devil Rays' catches on. My apologies for bringing it up in the first place - that's enough oxygen for that one.

Unearthed

Since I'm not into religiously checking on him, I just noticed a mild Boston Red Sox column from Tuesday in the place of the usual criticism and subdued, poorly disguised vitriol:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — He was there the night the Red Sox collapsed in the Bronx when Grady Little didn’t take Pedro Martinez out. And he was in Anaheim in 1986, catching Donnie Moore after Moore surrendered a series-changing home run to Dave Henderson in the ALCS.

Red Sox bench coach Jerry Narron also was the man who replaced Thurman Munson behind the plate at Yankee Stadium on the night after Munson was killed in a plane crash.

Narron is a hardball Forrest Gump — a humble, unassuming man who always seems to be on the scene when big things happen. This past week he was named bench coach of Ron Roenicke’s 2020 Boston Red Sox.

I wouldn't exactly call the Forrest Gump comparison as a compliment. Some self-promotion (natch) also ensues. I'd say that part was shameless, but you know that already.

When Sports And Politics Collide

Who responds to their own tweet, other than to bask in what he thinks is a clever observation?

I rest my case https://t.co/tkMxzeDTg9

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) February 26, 2020

It's more like the Lions, Browns and Bengals, but that's just me.

Question for Shank - will your wife be donating to another Democrat from your joint checking account this election cycle?

Stonewall Shaughnessy

Shank does not appear to be terribly thrilled with the pace of the Red Sox sign-stealing investigation by Major League Baseball:

One more week and this “nothing to see here” investigation will be as long as the Astros probe https://t.co/PeDgXgEtcE

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) February 26, 2020

I wonder if MLB dumps the findings on Super Tuesday next week, when the primary news focus will be elsewhere? If you're gonna clear the Red Sox of wrongdoing, that's when I'd do it.

DHL Dan XCVI - Curiouser And Curiouser

In today's installment of the Picked up Pieces column from Ft. Myers, Shank touches on a wide range of subjects, including the Summer Olympics, the Beanpot from a few weeks ago, and...

Ah - who am I kidding? Of course Shank keeps beating up on the Red Sox!

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Picked up pieces while wondering if the Red Sox are going to promote “Zakim” and “Tobin” nights at Fenway this summer in honor of their 2020 Bridge Year.

Now that the lame humor's out of the way...

■ Everybody loves Big Papi. He’s Boston Baseball’s Father Christmas. He was a clutch and dominant player, great to fans, and stood up for our city in 2013. All of Boston prayed for him when he was shot in the Dominican Republic in June. It’s great to see him looking healthy. But his first day back in Sox camp last week was not his finest hour.

Ortiz is part of Sox management now and Big Papi has become Big House Man. Now that Ortiz is taking the side of Sox ownership on every issue, are we supposed to forget how he groaned about his contract and disrespect from his bosses almost every year? Ortiz insists that the Mookie trade was a good trade. That the Sox had no choice. Got it.

But when a member of the Red Sox brass (Ortiz is identified as a “special assistant” to Fenway Sports Group in the club directory) calls Mike Fiers a “snitch” while the Boston Red Sox are the subject of an ongoing MLB investigation regarding cheating allegations, it borders on witness intimidation.

Would someone like to tell Shank this isn't a criminal proceeding here? Furthermore, MLB has completed their investigation into the matter, further proof that Shank has no editor between him and the Post / Submit button. Will he go for the triple play?

Truth has never been an enemy of baseball fans. We could have used a little more of it during the steroid era and Ortiz has considerable exposure in this area.

...and there it is. It happened for years right under your fucking nose, dickhead; you and every other Boston Globe baseball guy. Too bad Ortiz didn't kick your ass when he had the chance.

Other than that, it's a decent column!

UPDATE AT 4:50 PM - The Astros investigation has been completed; the one involving the Red Sox is ongoing. Shank's getting cute here by conflating the two (i.e., strongly implying Fiers, who was never a member of the Red Sox, is involved in the current investigation).

Five Aces

Shank is clearly delighted with the 2020 'bridge year' Boston Red Sox. He's written 11 columns so far this month, and all but one of them was about the Red Sox. Unsurprisingly, every single one of them was negative in tone and / or heavily critical of the Red Sox in some manner.

And the hits just keep on coming…

FORT MYERS, Fla. — The 1971 Baltimore Orioles famously had four 20-game winners and advanced to the seventh game of the World Series. Jim Palmer, Dave McNally, Mike Cuellar, and Pat Dobson all made 30 or more starts and all pitched 224 or more innings. Three of them exceeded 280 innings.

The world champion 2004 Red Sox had five starting pitchers who never got hurt. Pedro Martinez, Curt Schilling, Derek Lowe, Tim Wakefield, and Bronson Arroyo each started at least 29 games and logged no fewer than 178 innings.

Fast-forward to 2020 and a Red Sox team with almost zero reliability in the starting rotation. More suspects than prospects.

These are not the Red Sox of “we have five aces.’’

He Chose... Poorly

That would be baseball commissioner Rob Manfred, catching heat from all quarters for not coming down hard on the Houston Astros.

FORT MYERS, Fla. — Hey there, baseball fan. Did you ever think you’d be longing for the good old days of commissioner Bud Selig?

Wow. Major League Baseball is imploding in the Sign-Stealing Scandal Spring of 2020, and commissioner Rob Manfred is making Uncle Bud look like Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis, or maybe Winston Churchill.

I think Shank's contractually obligated to mention Landis every time some serious baseball history comes up.

The hardball world is furious with the Houston Astros, and virtually no one is happy with the performance of Manfred since MLB announced its findings about the Astros scam Jan. 13. Manfred gave Houston players immunity from punishment in exchange for cooperation, has declined to fire some Astros executives who had direct involvement, and — most egregiously for many — allowed the Astros to keep their 2017 championship even though he has proof that they cheated to win.

Shank brings that up throughout the column, and that seems to be the punishment Shank and others are thirsting for. At least that's an improvement from banning all of them from baseball, which Shank was looking for last month.

Explanation Unknown

Shank's been getting into the Red Sox ownership bashing recently, hasn't he?

FORT MYERS, Fla. — In an attempt to clear the air and explain the motivations behind the trade that sent Mookie Betts to the Dodgers last week, Red Sox principal owner John Henry, chairman Tom Werner, and CEO Sam Kennedy delivered comments and answered questions for 32 awkward minutes Monday morning at JetBlue Park.

I would not say they stuck the landing. It went about as well as Deval Patrick’s presidential bid and the quest to bring the 2024 Summer Olympics to Boston.

Little is likely to change in the wake of Sox management’s effort to explain a salary dump that the club refuses to acknowledge is a salary dump. Folks who hate the Betts deal are unlikely to feel any better from what was said at the tense presser. The Red Sox seem to know this.

I'm wondering why ownership can't bring themselves to say 'Mookie wanted to be traded' or 'Mookie wanted to play for the Dodgers' - even this casual fan saw that last year when the subject first came up. It doesn't serve Shank to bring that up, either (though he's done so in the past) so he can continue to bash Red Sox ownership for a little longer.

One other thing - we might start the Mookie Betts Watch, like Mike B. was doing every time His Shankness mentioned Larry Bird in his columns over the years. How many times this year will Shank bring up this trade? I'm going with a dozen, and that's probably low.

Making The Sale

I was anticipating Shank starting to bang out pro-forma player focused articles any moment now. Today's column, with Chris Sale as the player in question, is quite different:

FORT MYERS, Fla. – Chris Sale was 10 minutes into a half-hour press session when he got the first question regarding the sign-stealing cheating scandal that has poisoned Major League Baseball in this spring of 2020.

“Here it is . . . ,” Sale said with a grimace.

And there it was. Indeed.

Sale talked about all of it. He talked about getting lit up by the Houston Astros in Game 1 of the 2017 American League Division Series at Minute Maid Park. He talked about speaking with MLB investigators who are looking into possible rule-breaking by the 2018 world champion Red Sox. He talked about his relationship with former manager Alex Cora, who conspired to beat him in ‘17, then called on him to shut down the Dodgers in the final moments of ‘18. He talked about what he would tell his children about all of it when everything shakes out.

Changeup Thrown

Instead of another column in the recent stream of negative Red Sox columns, Shank breaks with tradition and goes back to beat reporter:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — At last, an Alex Verdugo sighting.

The former Dodgers outfielder, the top prospect coming to the Red Sox in the Mookie Betts deal, made his first appearance Friday morning at JetBlue Park and was seen chatting with new teammates Jackie Bradley Jr. and Kevin Pillar while pitchers and catchers were going through their brief workout.

Neither Verdugo nor Pillar participated in any workouts, and Verdugo was not in the clubhouse during media availability periods.

Pillar, a former Blue Jays outfielder, could be playing in place of Verdugo in the outfield at the beginning of the season if Verdugo’s balky back puts him on the shelf. Pillar, joining the team as a free agent, moved his stuff into a stall in the locker room early Friday. After reviewing his physical, the Red Sox made the one-year, $4.25-million deal official later in the day.

We'll see how long that lasts.