He Does Have A Point

If this wasn't such an over the top hot take, I'd almost agree with Shank here:

I hope I am not alone in my belief that last night's Red Sox walkoff win was the most demoralizing victory in baseball history.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 29, 2018

Of course, this take tweet elicited some choice responses:

Not as demoralizing as writing for a team that you don’t even like.

— Timothy Tim (@timbosox) August 29, 2018

It's true, no team in any sport has "wonugly" in the history of the earth. Stupid.

— Bad Journalism (@WEEI_TYPOS) August 29, 2018

would you have rather them lost?

— Patrick Kelly (@PKellyMLB) August 29, 2018

Do you even have to ask, Patrick?

And the winner:

I am definitely not alone in thinking that Ted Williams would absolutely hate you if he was playing today.

— Christopher Smith (@smithtmj) August 29, 2018

Going Through The Motions

Shank's fifth column this month revisits some old ground - a column about the Splendid Splinter:

Ted Williams would be turning 100 now, but his legend never gets old

The Kid would be 100 Thursday.

Ted Williams was born on Aug. 30, 1918.

How could The Kid ever turn 100?

We lost Ted Williams in July of 2002, but imagine if he had lived. We’d have headlines screaming, “Kid Turns 100!’’ We’d have quotes from Ted about how sweet it was finally seeing the Red Sox win the World Series in 2004, 2007, and 2013. We’d have him delivering an homage to his dear friend, John McCain. And I’d love to hear what The Kid would have to say about this newfangled “launch angle,’’ which Ted invented sometime back in the 1930s.

You know what else never gets old? Shank writing about Ted Williams!

Blue Moon Rising

This is a rare occurrence - back-to-back columns by Shank that are entirely positive:

If you follow the Red Sox, you’ve heard the voice of the man who’s always asking the tough questions.

The man’s name is Jonny Miller and he is a Boston sports media institution, a Red Sox historian, a philanthropist, soon to be a septuagenarian, and probably the hardest-working guy in our business.

Jonny was in the news a little this past week. He had an interesting back-and-forth with David Price in which the petulant pitcher refused to disclose adjustments he’d made, playfully telling Jonny, “I’m not gonna do your job for you . . . you can go back and watch film.’’ A day later, Jonny was back at Price’s locker, armed with homework he’d done to identify Price’s adjustments. Two days later, Jonny stopped by the WEEI/NESN Jimmy Fund Radio-Telethon and donated $25,000 in the names of his late mentors, Gil Santos and Clark Booth. On Wednesday, when the Red Sox 2019 schedule came out, Jonny booked all of his hotels and flights for next season.

All in a week’s work for Jonny Miller.

This is the kind of column that occasionally makes Shank look like a decent columnist, and it's worth a full read.

Must Be A Blue Moon Tonight

That's because Shank wrote a column wholly supportive of a professional athlete in Boston, devoid of snark, venom and backhanded 'compliments':

David Price does not suck.

In 2018, there is no other way to say it. We know all about his shortcomings and the nonsense he has rained on our heads. Price has underachieved in Boston. He has not been “worth” the $217 million contract he signed after the 2015 season. He has insulted icon Dennis Eckersley, failed to apologize, and presented as tone deaf and provocative any time he has tried to be sarcastic or ironic. Throughout his career he has failed as a postseason starter. He’s the guy who made Fortnite famous.

But in August of 2018 he is finally the pitcher the Red Sox thought they were buying and the Sox are going to need him to perform in October in order to get where they want to go.

Either that, or aliens have taken over Shank's brain.

DHL Dan LXXII - Get Yer Tinfoil Hats On! - II

Shank's first 'column' in three weeks is of the Picked Up Pieces variety, and veers right off the bat into conspiracy theory mode that would impress Alex Jones:

Picked-up pieces while strolling the beach wearing long sleeves and SPF 101 sunscreen . . .

■ It’s impossible to prove, but I will go the grave convinced that Curt Schilling’s final gift to New England baseball was his role in driving the Pawtucket Red Sox out of Rhode Island and into the bosom of Worcester. Schill’s $75 million handout from Rhode Island for his 38 Studios venture (it went belly-up two years later) created debt, triggered lawsuits, and poisoned Rhode Island officials against any taxpayer assistance when the PawSox came calling.

Just a reminder - Shank wanted Curt Schilling thrown in jail over this 'handout'.

How To Get Laughed Off The Air

It's been nearly three whole weeks since Shank's written a column for the Boston Globe. He has nothing to regurgitate in his (normally) weekly appearance on Zolak & Beetle's show on 98.5 The Sports Hub, and he's gonna lead off with this nonsense?

On today with @ZoandBertrand from 11-1. Blaming Schill for RI losing PawSox, plenty of Pats, Sox-Tribe, and Dan's Dates at 12:50.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 21, 2018

I'm pretty sure this will get slapped down for the crap that it is.

Boston Red Sox Update

A few minutes ago, the Cleveland Indians went up on the Red Sox, 5-3 in the seventh inning. When do we get the disparaging tweet from Shank about this development?

And Now For Some Boston Globe Employee Bashing - VII

Take a look at this face and tell me you see a 'person of color'. Pasty-white Irishman Shank (who re-tweeted this garbage) has darker skin that Snow White here does:

I'm humbled to follow in the footsteps of @EllenClegg and serve as interim editorial page editor for @BostonGlobe. I'll be the 5th woman and 1st person of color in the role. https://t.co/lgIA4rMB1i cc: @GlobeOpinion

— Shirley Leung (@leung) August 20, 2018

What will stay the same, however, is the IQ of the Globe's editorial page - it won't increase a single point. Identity politics (playing the race & gender cards) über alles!

Wash, Rinse, Repeat - III (At Least)

There's no horse too dead for Shank to beat on:

Three run lead. Clean inning. Bunch of rays. This is kimbrel at his dominant best.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 19, 2018

Where Was Ben Volin? Jim McBride? Chris Gasper?

Shank may have wanted to ask the above question before taking a shot at his fellow journalists:

Only the Patriots. First round pick carted off field in game vsEagles. Belichicknot asked about it at presser, postgame or today. Isaiah Wynn torn Achilles. Out for year #patsmediacartel

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 17, 2018

Questions answered:

What's there to ask? He's out for the year, seems pretty cut and dry

— Phil Winley(@_TheChief) August 17, 2018

Do your job and ask!

— Stephen Ciaccio(@SChach17) August 17, 2018

...and the winner:

So freaking what everyone knew anyway stop treating a game like the Cuban missile crisis

— bill burnette(@wburnette11) August 17, 2018

Dumb Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

From the man who wanted Curt Schilling thrown in jail comes this no-thought tweet:

OK if we blame Curt Schilling for Pawtucket Red Sox move to Worcester?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 17, 2018

Programming Note

Shank hasn't written a column in nearly two weeks. I believe that's the main reason he wasn't on 98.5 The Sports Hub earlier this week - because he didn't have a column to regurgitate.

Let us count our blessings...

Shank Jumps Into The 21st Century

Well, sort of:

My annual August 16 missive:
Babe Ruth (1948) and Elvis Presley (1977) both died on this date.
The Sultan and The King.
Coincidence? I think not.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 16, 2018

And now Aretha. Sadly. So the Queen of Soul, and the King of rock and roll on August 16 https://t.co/Ls7D8UCR8V

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 16, 2018

Weak Sarcasm Used

The Red Sox have the best record in baseball with a 84-35 record, so naturally Shank needs to complain about something with the team:

3 run lead. Clean inning. Bunch of orioles due up. This is when Craig Kimbrel is the greatest closer ever

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 12, 2018

He’s been closing professional baseball games for 8 years averaging 42 saves and a 1.86 era. This isnteven trolling, its ignorant.

— TaryGanguay(@TGanguay) August 12, 2018

You expect Shank to look up icky numbers?

I beg of you, try to enjoy ANYTHING

— Prince Priceless (@pfunk3000) August 12, 2018

Big ask, that one...

That's probably a correct take.....but coming from you makes it seem so nasty and small....

— Mark h. dickie(@mark_mhdickie) August 12, 2018

Expect nothing less from Shank, and nothing more.

I Wouldn't Worry About It, Shank

guys now john Henry is sitting in next to belichick and Dombrowski probably selling bill the team

— Jen McCaffrey (@jcmccaffrey) August 6, 2018

Hope my name doesn’t come up https://t.co/drDKqQ4Sth

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 6, 2018

Signing A Different Tune

This was written a few days ago, after the Sox won their third consecutive game against the Yankees:

...
Until this weekend, beating the best teams was the one thing the 2018 Red Sox had not done consistently. The Yankees came to Boston with the second-best record in baseball.

Not anymore. The Sox have scraped the Yankees off the soles of their cleats without much effort.

This will certainly make a dent in Shank's ability to shit on the Red Sox, which of course means he'll simply turn his attention to the New England Patriots instead and do the same thing, like bring up Malcom Butler a few hundred times in the next six months.

But wait - what's this, at the end of the column?

The East is won. Since the expansion era (1961), these Sox are only the fifth team to win at least 78 of their first 112 games (1969 Orioles, 1998 Yankees, 2001 Mariners, 2017 Dodgers).

But don’t get too cocky, Sox fans. Of those five juggernauts, only the 1998 Yankees went on to win the World Series.

That's the Shank we know and 'love' - writing about the silver lining and still finding a dark cloud!

Guilt By Association

Ohio State football coach Urban Meyer is in some hot water this week. Leave it to Shank to take aim at two targets - Urban Meyer and, of course, the New England Patriots:

Urban Meyer: King of Looking The Other Way. Before this bleepshow at Ohio State, he was the college coach of Aaron Hernandez at Florida.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 3, 2018

Of course, the next time John Calipari's accused of something, then he'll be the 'King of Looking The Other Way'. The crown to pass around!

Wait - The Other Team's A Tomato Can!

Remember this tweet?

Show Pony Red Sox are 39-17. Impossible to tell how good they are cuz of horrible level of competition. Let's see how they do with 'Stros, Tribe and Yanks in October. Until then, all this means nothing.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 30, 2018

He sure as hell doesn't:

Yankees deserve to lose if they can’t make that play

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 3, 2018

Maybe take this holder guy out of the game? Or are you just giving up?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 3, 2018

Asked and answered. Boone gave up. One of the worst relief performances in Fenway history. Just let it happen

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 3, 2018

Doubt Created

The Red Sox host the New York Yankees for a four game series that begins tonight. Well before the first pitch is thrown, Shank sneers at NESN and to a lesser extent the Red Sox pitching lineup:

Baghdad Bob NESN declares that Red Sox starters have the advantage this weekend vs Sabathia Severino Happ and Tanaka. Sox going w Johnson Porcello Eovaldi Price

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) August 2, 2018

...and the responses:

Shaughnessy hates that the Sox are exceptional this year and his tired act does not play as well when they are dominating.

— Andrew Cummings (@ACummings40) August 2, 2018

Is Happa definite? Last I heard with HFM, he was uncertain.

— Wayne Prunier(@WPrunier045) August 2, 2018

Don’t you just love nicknames... we have Baghdad Bob, Shank Shaughnessy and the always popular Trollin’ Volin...so cute don’t you think...lmao...

— PaulyWalnuts. (@hoagsxxx) August 2, 2018

Of Course He Does

Shank has a bad habit of recycling column themes over and over and over. He does so again earlier today:

As good as these Red Sox are, I have a few concerns

What’s wrong with me?

I'm sure that's a rhetorical question!

Why do I worry about show ponies when I have Secretariat barreling down the stretch right in front of my eyes?

When do I give up the ghost of skepticism and just admit that these Red Sox are going to win the World Series?

As they prep for a four-game Fenway showdown against the Yankees in which they could effectively wrap up the AL East, the Sox have the best team in baseball. All the numbers say so.

The Sox have the best record in the game (75-34). They are enjoying a monster season. This is their best record at this stage of a season since 1946, the year Ted Williams and his Teammates came back from The War.
...
So why am I still worried?

Why can’t I enjoy the historic ride? Why can’t I embrace the greatness and remember those Sox juggernauts from 2013, 2007, and 2004?

I dunno - maybe because you take every available opportunity to denigrate the team, question the quality of their opponents and, with respect to the 2013 World Series win, deride that accomplishment as a fluke?

Shank does not possess an optimistic bone in his body, nor can he pay anyone or any team a compliment not done through clenched teeth.