Saturday, July 30, 2011

Patriots Glass Half Empty?

The lockout is over, the Patriots are coming off a 14 - 2 regular season and training camp has started with a flourish of free agent signings and the like. Leave it to Shank, after having used up this decade's quota of saying nice things about certain members of the Patriots organization, to mount his high horse of sanctimony and piss on the parade:
Strap yourselves in, Patriots fans. Free agent frenzy is just getting started and - given Haynesworth’s rap sheet - the Patriots have sent the message that they’ll take a chance on anyone with talent. This means there might still be room for Pacman Jones, Dave Meggett, and Manny Ramirez. Too bad The Juice is behind bars.

Once a bastion of teamwork, character, and sanctimony (remember “The Patriot Way’’?), Gillette Stadium is the new Oakland Alameda County Coliseum. The franchise that said “No’’ to Christian Peter is now the place you go to restore your tattered reputation. Ochocinco calls it “Heaven.’’

In this spirit, why don’t the Patriots expand their Misfit Haven to the front office? Anthony Weiner would make a nifty team photographer. Charlie Sheen and Mel Gibson could work in public relations, and Tiger Woods might be a good fit as director of the cheerleaders. Why not hire Hells Angels for stadium security on Sundays?
As Monkeesfan noted in a previous comment, some dumb bastard gave Shank the one and only microphone for which to ask questions of the coach during yesterday's press conference. Smart move?

The amusing thing about this article is that Shank undercuts the entire premise of his column towards the end, followed up by a gratuitous Warren Zevon lyric, which in this context is extremely lame:
Tom Brady watched Corey Dillon and Randy Moss come and go in Foxborough. For the most part, those bad dudes behaved while they were in New England. Brady is open-minded about all of his new teammates.
Knowing Shank's rooting against Haynesworth & Ochocinco is all the motivation you and I need to root for them.


Bill said...

Given Haynesworth's checkered past (and see the other article about his trial date on 8/23), I'm sort of surprised by the signing. So, because of this, it just provides The Shankster with a wide open chance to take a dig at the Patriots.

Shank being Shank, outdated pop culture references and tired cliches included.

Monkeesfan said...

Of course Shank will sing something else should Haynesworth actually play like he's playing for a contract (which he did 2007-8 with the Titans). Chad Johnson's issues have always been exhibitionist, not football-related - he should be fine in the Patriots offense.