Jacked, Pumped And Amped

I'm halfway impressed with Shank this morning. Really! He manages to squeeze an entire column out of the subject of the noise level at CenturyLink Field in Seattle, where the Patriots are playing the Seahawks this afternoon.

OF COURSE there's a Spinal Tap reference...

It Might Get Loud. Does It Go To 11?

I have my earplugs. I am ready for Patriots vs. Seahawks at CenturyLink Field Sunday afternoon. Like the coach of the Seahawks, everybody here is pumped, jacked, and amped. This was the birthplace of Boeing, and Seattle fans pride themselves on their ability to generate the sound of a 747 taking off from Logan.

For a playoff game against the Saints in January 2011, Seattle fans rocked their stadium enough to register as a small earthquake on a seismometer near their home field. They were nominated for the coveted cover of “Madden 12.’’ They are going to make life tough on the Patriots today.

Shank has a flashback in the middle of the column:

Belichick turned up the volume during practice at Gillette Stadium last week. He bombarded his team with Green Day, Pearl Jam, and Jimi Hendrix.

I love the idea of Stevan Ridley taking a handoff to the tune of “All Along the Watchtower,’’ “Purple Haze,’’ or perhaps Hendrix’s skull-imploding national anthem at Woodstock.

Does Belichick know that Hendrix grew up in Seattle?

Bet he does. How could the master of preparation miss a detail like that one?

You know what will really impress? An article on the game itself.

DHL Dan - XVI

Shank takes a trip to Buffalo to cover today's Patriots - Bills game, then says next to nothing about the game he's ostensibly there to cover.

ORCHARD PARK, N.Y. — A year later, once again, we have Patriots, Bills, Red Sox, Orioles, and Yankees.

We have Ralph Wilson Stadium, Camden Yards, and Yankee Stadium.

We have a football coach hoping to make it to the Super Bowl, and a baseball manager scheduled for a firing squad at the end of the week.

It is the last weekend of September, and our local teams are playing the same opponents in the same places where they played at this time last year. Everything is the same . . . and everything is different.

Much like the content of this column. The casual Boston sports fan already knows what's going on with the Patriots and Red Sox; Shank simply restates the obvious in order to fill up column inches. He devotes three thin paragraphs on the subject he's allegedly in Buffalo to talk about:

The view is a little different now. The 2012 Patriots arrive in Buffalo with a two-game losing streak. They are in last place in the AFC East, trailing both the Bills and the hated Jets by a full game.

Once again, we have questions about the young New England defense. The Patriots couldn’t stop Joe Flacco in the fourth quarter last week at Baltimore, just as they couldn’t stop Harvard’s Ryan Fitzpatrick when they played in Buffalo last year.

We are no longer talking about the Patriots as a 16-0 team. We are no longer certain that they will finish first in the AFC East. The Patriots have lost three of their last four games. They are suddenly vulnerable.

At least we are updated on the important things, like "Where do New England area sportswriters go after a football game?"

A few hours after the football game, members of the New England media gathered at the Anchor Bar in Buffalo. It’s the birthplace of Buffalo wings. When you cover sports for a living and travel to Buffalo, you are required to close the Anchor Bar.

We did the job.

Bars in Buffalo close at 4:00 AM. I know Mike will be shocked, SHOCKED at Shank's revelation. Any bets that Shank wrote this column on the back of a napkin while he was waiting on his order of chicken and beer?

The One Where The CHB Uses a Well-Worn Cliche

"Cody Ross has a flair for the dramatic ...." -- The CHB, Boston Globe, June 20, 2012

"Ross, who has consistently displayed a flair for the dramatic ..."-- Steve Peterson, Bosox Injection, June 20, 2012

"Kevin Youkilis was a fan favorite among the Fenway Faithful, punctuated by his hard play, flair for the dramatic ... " -- Stephen Hewitt, WEEI blog network, June 16, 2012

"... the Red Sox this season ... have had a flair for the dramatic. " -- The Bleacher Report, June 16, 2012

"The Red Sox always show a flair for the dramatic. " -- The Bleacher Report, June 13, 2012

And that's just in one week.

Ugh.