Brady Beats Belichick

Shank wraps up last night's awesome game between the Bucs and the Patriots:

Tom Brady’s return to Foxborough had everything, and as usual, he came out on the winning end

Bill Russell never came back to the parquet floor to play against Red Auerbach. Bobby Orr never skated on Boston Garden ice against the Bruins.

But Tom Brady returned to Gillette Stadium as quarterback of the World Champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers Sunday and beat his sideline Svengali, Bill Belichick, 19-17, in a rain-soaked, wildly entertaining football game that was not decided until Nick Folk’s 56-yard field goal attempt doinked off the left upright with less than a minute to play.

It was at once biblical, amazing, weird, and somewhat unnatural. Seeing Brady beat the Patriots was like seeing Paul McCartney and Wings playing the Cavern Club in Liverpool. Brady was a pedestrian 22 of 43 passing for 269 yards and no touchdown passes.

Bandwagon Dan Comes Alive!

The NFL schedule came out a few days ago. Shank once again rips off the Felger & Mazz show from Thursday and gives us this column:

We’ve known that this moment was coming. Now we know exactly when.

Tom Brady and the Super Bowl champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers will be in Foxborough Sunday night, Oct. 3, to play the Patriots on NBC’s “Sunday Night Football.”

Save-the-date cards are in the mail. Oct. 3 is circled on every New England calendar. Alerts are set on cellphones. Days off from work are being scheduled for Monday, Oct. 4. Game tickets are going for one million dollars. Steve Burton and Dan Roche are planning to live in a trailer on Patriot Place for the week leading up to the game, delivering live “Tom is Back” updates three times per hour.

You know the rest - more forced 'jokes', inane comparisons with other local sporting events, etc. The only things missing are 'Sons of Bill Belichick' and an Elvis / Larry Bird reference.

Scoreboard

You just knew Shank would use the win by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday to bash the Patriots, didn't you?

Final score: Tom Brady 1, Patriots 0

The headline says it all...

Forty-three-year old Tom Brady is going to the Super Bowl.

In the immortal words of Bob Lobel, “Why can’t we get players like that?’'

All precincts have reported and it’s official: Brady has beaten Bill Belichick and Bob Kraft in a landslide. Ten months after leaving New England because the Patriots were done with him, Brady showed the world he’s still got the goods. The Patriots, who had no real plan to replace their quarterback, finished 7-9 and out of the playoffs. Meanwhile, Brady is going to his 10th Super Bowl; with the clown car Tampa Bay Buccaneers, no less.

This is like seeing the Red Sox dump Mookie Betts in the name of payroll flexibility, then watching Betts win the World Series after the Sox finish last.

Ouch! I bet he's been saving that line for months now. In any event, you and I know this new found love and appreciation for Tom Brady is world class hypocrisy, wrapped in bullshit. Let's take a look at recent history, shall we?

First up - September 30, 2014 - The Kansas City Massacre::

By the end of the night, the darts and arrows were coming from every direction. Bill Belichick was grilled about his musical-chair offensive line and the notion of starting two rookies in front of Brady in a loud enemy theater. The coach was asked if he might have to “evaluate” his quarterback position; the question from CSNNE’s Mike Giardi elicited a smirk with no comment. There were hysterical calls for out-of-work Charlie Weis to replace Josh McDaniels as offensive coordinator. Darrelle Revis was compared to Carl Crawford (OK, that one was me). It was noted that no Belichick defense had ever surrendered 300 yards in a first half. There was a television graphic explaining that the Patriots offense ranks last in the NFL, averaging 4.6 yards per play. We were told that Brady has missed his target more than 25 percent of the time.

July 28, 2015 - Deal With It - Brady's A Cheater:

In a 20-page decision that was released at 2:32 p.m. Tuesday, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell upheld Tom Brady's four-game Deflategate suspension. In the day's most shocking revelation, the commissioner revealed that Brady ordered his assistant to destroy his cellphone on the same day (March 6) Brady was interviewed by NFL investigator Ted Wells. Brady did not disclose this development for several months and it was not confirmed until the day of his suspension appeal hearing, June 23.

What do you say now, Patriot fans? Still think the NFL is out to get the Patriots? Still think Tom Brady is clean? Still think this is a witch hunt?

Of course you do. And that is why at a time when you should be embarrassed, you are probably emboldened.

Please. Give up. It's time for local loyalists to parachute down from Planet Patriot and get in touch with reality. Stop twisting yourselves into knots to justify the petty crimes and coverups of the Patriots and their quarterback.

January 3, 2017 - The Patriots Only Win Because Everybody Else Sucks:

Am I the only one?

Is there anybody else out in Patriot Nation who’d like to see the Patriots in a competitive, thrilling playoff game? You know . . . a game where the outcome is in doubt before Hoodie defers on the coin toss?

Guess not. The Patriots are going to get to the AFC Championship game without a serious test of their considerable abilities

February 28, 2020 - Please Go Away, Tom:

I just want it to be over.

And I officially am hoping Tom Brady leaves the Patriots.

Sorry.

I want Tom to go because his history-making time has run its course here. I like sports drama, and it would be a much better story if Tom goes to a new team. I’d like to see what Bill Belichick can do without Brady. I’d like to see what Brady can do for the Los Angeles/Tampa Bay/Tennessee Bradys.

And, with any further Tom Brady guile, luck and / or winning ability, Shank will have one more convenient column that he'll milk into a few more so he can take shots at the Patriots until Draft Day.