DHL Dan CCXXXIX - All Hail The King!

What is this? A Boston Globe writer, jumping on the Trump Train?

If elected King of Sports, here are my Day 1 decrees, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while wondering what the crowd’s going to look like for Monday’s Truck Day festival at Fenway . . .

▪ Pardons and executive orders are all the rage in these early days of 2025. In this spirit, I am here to tell you what I’ll do when elected King of Sports.

On my first day as King of Sports I’ll call the media to my Ovaltine Office — I drink the delicious malt every day — and wave my pen as a ceremonial sword, righting all wrongs and making sports great again.

This revolution of sports common sense no doubt will be controversial, but it’s necessary. We’re going to take our sports back.

Henceforth, I decree:

▪ All postseason baseball games will be played in the afternoon.

▪ From this day forward, there will be only two ways to score points in basketball: Free throws and 2-point field goals. I am eliminating the 3-point shot. End of story.

▪ No more offside in hockey or soccer. Let’s open up these games.

▪ No more analytics departments. The reliance on analytics in sports ends.

▪ No more corruption-ridden “extra time” in soccer. There will be a clock that winds down to 0:00, just like in football, basketball, and hockey.

▪ NFL kickoffs will go back to the good old days when men were men.

▪ The Calipari statue comes down in Amherst.

Is power dangerous in the wrong hands? Just asking!