The Big, Bad Bruins

Did I say 'The Big, Bad Bruins'? What I meant was a Bad Bruins column by Shank:

Bruins are back home, and so are Cup hopes for yet another season

Can someone tell me what that headline's supposed to mean?

The 2024 Red Sox and Patriots are bad teams, as they often were in the old days.

The ‘24 Celtics are defending NBA champs, as they often were in the old days.

And the Boston Bruins are once again what they have been for most of this century. They are better than the average Bears . . . good, but not great. They will be in the playoff hunt. And if they enjoy a good run in the spring, they have an outside chance to contend for the Stanley Cup.

They'll contend... by bowing out in the first round, like they've doing often in recent years.

This is pretty much the way it’s been since Bobby Orr last skated on Causeway Street. The Bruins have won one Cup (2011) since 1972, and even though they had a Full Throttle offseason, they’re not likely to contend for the chalice in the spring of 2025.

Shank mentioning Bobby Orr is the hockey equivalent of him mentioning Larry Bird in any given column.

The Bruins welcomed their cult back to Causeway Thursday and delivered a 6-4 victory over the hated Montreal Canadiens. It was the Boston franchise’s 101st home opener.

Cult? Like the Manson Cult? Branch Davidians? Blue Oyster Cult? Or - The Cult?

Here's where the column turns into real crap:

It was a nice introduction for Cam Neely and Don Sweeney’s Full Throttle pickups. Moneybags center Elias Lindholm (seven years, $54.25 million) had one goal and two assists and big defen$eman Nikita Zadorov (six years, $30 million) assisted on two goals. Newcomers Mark Kastelic (two goals) and Cole Koepke (one) also scored for Boston. Meanwhile, $66 million goalie Jeremy (puck stops here, buck stops here) Swayman made 20 saves in his first game since hitting the sweet crease jackpot.

Is it me, or is it scumbag behaviour for a sports columnist to resort to low hanging fruit and basically complain about the salaries of professional athletes? And - note the '$' when describing Zadorov. It's a sign of a shitty person if you ask this cat.