Feeling The Heat

After watching last night's game between the Miami Heat and the Boston Celtics, Shank reflexively thinks of earlier times, like his favorite decade, the 1970's:

When it’s about NBA history, it always goes back to the Boston Celtics, the Los Angeles Lakers, and . . . Wilt Chamberlain.

The Miami Heat Monday night won their 23d consecutive game, recovering from a 13-point deficit in the final eight minutes in a spectacular 105-103 showcase triumph on the parquet floor. This was blood-and-thunder basketball for the full 48, easily the most entertaining game of the Causeway season. Subbing for Kevin Garnett, Jeff Green lit up the New Garden for 43 points, but it was not enough to keep the Heat from extending their winning streak.

Miami now trails only the 1971-72 Lakers, who won 33 in a row. Those Lakers had a center named Chamberlain. The Heat have the latter-day Wilt and his name is King LeBron James.

After a few paragraphs of discussing the actual game, Shank then proceeds to 1) piss off Celtics fans and 2) show an interesting interpretation of great NBA players:

Nobody around here likes to admit it, but Wilt was the greatest player in NBA history (sorry, ESPN, we know you kind of like Michael Jordan). We all know that Bill Russell was the greatest winner, but Wilt retired with all the individual records. He averaged 50 points a game in a season. Rules were changed to limit Chamberlain’s dominance. He was 7 feet 1 inch of muscle and athleticism.

LeBron reminds me of Wilt. Maybe it’s the headband. Maybe it’s the muscular frame. Maybe it’s the delight we take in seeing LeBron­ lose. That’s the way it was watching Wilt.

We know Wilt liked to score, but wasn't the knock on Wilt that he couldn't win the big games, and Russell could? Give me Russell or Jordan over Wilt any day, or when Game 7 of a playoff series is on the line.

Cold Shoulder, Side Of Bullshit

Shank stayed in Miami yesterday to cover the Heat's win over the Celtics, 120 - 107. Let's skip the game stuff and go straight to the Ray Allen story:

MIAMI — Does it really have to be like this?

Ray Allen didn’t like losing his starting job in Boston (to Avery Bradley - ed.). Ray didn’t like Rajon Rondo. He didn’t feel appreciated by the Celtics.

So Ray made a deal with the hoop devil. He signed with the Miami Heat.

And now Kevin Garnett gives him the Sicilian “you’re dead to me’’ attitude.

KG's reaction, or lack thereof, isn't exactly a secret - was Shank expecting KG to send flowers and a box of chocolates?

Allen’s role as a reserve with the Heat is somewhat amusing to Celtics fans who trash him for leaving because he was no longer a starter in Boston. Still, it’s understandable why he would go to Miami: it’s a shot at another ring, he’ll always be open, and the weather is significantly better than it was in his last four basketball outposts: Boston, Seattle, Milwaukee, and Storrs, Conn.

There's a wee bit more to the story than Shank lets onto, which may be understandable, given that this is Shank's first column on the subject.

Let's go ahead and watch the butchering of what's left of the column:

But the takeaway moment of opening night was the Big Chill from Garnett. It was a cold moment, almost Red Sox-ian.

Has anyone figured out why Shank needs to insert a Red Sox reference into nearly all of his columns?

And it made you wonder . . . why does it always end badly in Boston?

You know something? I wonder about that myself. You might want to ask Nomar Garciaparra about that. Or Manny Ramirez, or Theo Epstein, or Pedro Martinez, or Curt Schilling, or Roger Clemens, or...

The 2012 - 2013 Boston Celtics

Without a local team, coach, manager or owner to dump on in a week, Shank sets his sights on the Boston Celtics, who start their regular season tonight against the Miami Heat.

MIAMI — It was a dark and stormy night less than five months ago.

We were Celtic-centric. We were still stinging from another Super Bowl stunner, surprised that the defending Stanley Cup champion Bruins were eliminated from the playoffs, and somewhat concerned with the increasingly goofy behavior of Bobby Valentine.

But we had the Celtics. They were everybody’s favorite team in New England, enjoying a feel-good run through the NBA playoffs. They had defied the critics in taking a 3-2 series lead against the supposedly indomitable Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference finals. It looked like the Celtics would close out the choking pretenders at the Garden in Game 6, but LeBron James went into Wilt Chamberlain overdrive and knotted the series.

And so we all took our talents to South Beach for Game 7. Anticipating a lengthy road trip that would take them to Oklahoma City for a couple of games after winning in Miami, the Celtics packed string ties and Buddy Lee shirts. We reminded ourselves that the Celtics were 21-7 in Game 7s. The Heat would undoubtedly choke in the big one. Roll down the window and let the wind blow back your hair. We were all going to Thunder Road.

This is the typical Shank opening season column formula; mention all the other local teams, recap the prior season, update the roster for the new season and throw in a Bruce Springsteen reference. Not too predictable...

Can't Stand The Heat

I wonder where Shank got the idea for that column title, or am I reaching here?

Can’t stand the Heat
By Dan Shaughnessy
Globe Columnist / November 11, 2010

I am a Heat Hater.

Miami’s basketball team can’t lose enough games to make me happy. When I pass under a television in a crowded airport and see the score crawl, if the Heat are losing, I crack a big smile. I hope they lose ’em all.

The Celtics are in Miami tonight to play the third-place Heat.

The third-place Heat. Don’t you love it? I want them to be the Miami Clown Machine.

We are a couple of weeks into this historic NBA season, and the Heat own a 5-3 record, trailing the Orlando Magic and Atlanta Hawks in the vaunted Southeast Division of the NBA East. If the playoffs started today, the Heat would be the No. 4 seed, behind the Magic, Hawks and Celtics.

Naturally it's still early in the season, so things can and will change, but it's almost refreshing to see Shank dumping on a pro sports team located outside Massachusetts, if for mothing else as a reminder that there are occasional blue moons. Now fans in Florida will also be blessed with Shank's trademark thoughfulness ("I hope they lose ’em all"), forced '80's pop culture references ("Miami Clown Machine", wash / rinse / repeat), over the top judgements ("The Miami Frauds"), and his ability / desire to keep controversies burning ("Of course Riley wants another ring from the bench"), all of which basically killed the first half of the column.

Shank finishes strong when he gets around to looking at why Miami's overrated (i.e., by comparison with other championship teams), and I'll state again that as far as LeBron's asshattery when making & announcing "The Decision", I'm with Shank 110%. At least this article had the sense to make the necessary halftime adjustments...

More Hondo, And More

You turn your back for one day, and what happens? Shank comes out with three columns, that's what.

Shank compares Glen Davis to Hondo and other Celtics:

No problem. In the proud tradition of Frank Ramsey, John Havlicek, and Kevin McHale, Glen Davis reminded us that he’s good enough to start every night in the NBA. Baby Grande torched the Heat last night, scoring a bull-rush 23 points with eight rebounds in 29 minutes of a too-easy 106-77 Game 2 victory.

Shank then doubles up on Beatles (ok, one John Lennon) song references when discussing Red Auerbach:

Kevin Garnett, Boston’s most important player, could not play in the second game of the Celtics-Heat first-round playoff series. When Kendrick Perkins and Jermaine O’Neal jumped center just after 8 p.m., Garnett was reported to be watching from an office inside the New Garden. The combustible KG was serving a one-game suspension for throwing an elbow in a stupid incident that unfolded near the Miami bench in the final minute of Game 1.

Red never would have allowed this to happen. In Red’s world, you instigate, then let the other team get penalized for hitting back. Or maybe you send Jim Loscutoff into a game to mix it up with Wilt Chamberlain, hoping they both get ejected. You’ll gladly swap Loscy for Wilt. It’s a good deal for the Celtics.

Losing Garnett while the Heat lose no one? That’s a horrible deal. It’s an example of the Celtics getting whupped at the game Red invented.

It would not be incorrect to say that Red wrote the book on basketball gamesmanship. Because . . . Red literally wrote the book on basketball gamesmanship.

Then Shank watched the Bruins in double overtime while working in a Simon & Garfunkel reference:

The Bruins last night beat the Sabres, 3-2, on Miroslav Satan’s backhander past Ryan Miller in the eighth minute of the second overtime. Boston takes a 3-1 series lead back to Niagara Falls tomorrow night.

After a spring in which we worried about early tee times for our winter franchises, the Celtics and Bruins are both on track to make it into the second round. Certainly there will be no sounds of silence on Causeway Street this month.

Is Dan Feeling the Heat?

Dan turns in yet another good column March 18, on the Miami Heat's visit to Boston to face the Celtics Wednesday night.

The piece includes quotes from Heat coach Erik Spoelstra and the NBA's leading scorer, Dwayne Wade.

Too bad Shank is so distrusted by virtually all Boston-based pro athletes and most club officials that few will give him the time of day, hampering Shaughnessy's ability to produce such columns about Boston's pros...

It's an effective, well-written column without any references to Larry Bird, the Eighties or the straw men Shank loves to knock down. And no hackneyed cliches.

Makes one wonder if the editors at the Globe might be holding Shaughnessy's feet to the fire after a string of half-baked, half-assed columns he submitted during the latter part of the winter. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...