The Predictable Shaughnessy

If it's a loss by the Bruins, you can count on a column by Shank.

The national narrative of this 2019 Stanley Cup Final is the easy-to-believe notion that nobody in America outside of New England wants the Bruins to beat the St. Louis Blues. Folks who don’t live in our six-state region have had just about enough of the duck boats, thank you very much.

The Washington Post and New York Post in recent days featured columns pushing this theme.

“We are rooting against Boston,’’ wrote Mike Vaccaro of the New York Post. “We are tired of Boston.’’

The Washington Post held that the duck boats are “joyous for New Englanders and sickening for the other 44 states.’’

I'm surprised the Washington Post didn't work in a gratuitous cheap shot at Trump somehow. What I'm not surprised about is Shank's cheap shot at New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick:

In the Patriot spirit of “they hate us cuz they ain’t us,’’ evil genius Bill Belichick served as a banner captain for Game 2. Coach Bill left the Hoodie at home and carried out his duties in a black parka. Belichick knows a thing or two about championships and also about beating teams from St. Louis. It was Belichick’s Patriots who gave birth to New England’s Sports High Renaissance when they stunned the St. Louis Rams in the Super Bowl in New Orleans in February 2002. That was the first of 12 duck boat parades in this century, and the Bruins are trying to make it a lucky 13 next month.

Is calling Belichick 'evil' really necessary? Shank has no class whatsoever.

Also obligatory - cheap shots at Patriots owner Robert Kraft:

The Patriots have been everywhere in this series. Freedom fighter Bob Kraft was again seen on the videoboard waving his rally towel, and the recently embarrassed Patriots owner was cheered as a conquering hero. Amazing: Kraft + towel + video = ovation. Only in Boston.

You know the rest from here - retelling St. Louis sports history, the standard game recap, etc. - read on if you're into it.

And Now For More Boston Globe Employee Bashing - VI

(Another in the occasional departure from covering His Shankness)

They don't call him Trollin' Volin for nothing:

Why can’t Tom Brady simply attend voluntary Patriots practices?

Um - because they're voluntary? Just a wild guess here...

Tom Brady posted a few photos to Instagram Saturday showing him throwing in private with Julian Edelman and N’Keal Harry.

The photos elicited two immediate reactions.

One, shared by most Patriots fans: Good job by Brady to get in some extra work with Harry, the team’s first-round pick. The Patriots are counting on Harry to be an immediate contributor, and hope he can one day be a star. The more work Brady can get with Harry, the better.

Two, apparently not shared by many Patriots fans: Can’t Brady just get in this work at the Patriots’ offseason practices in Foxborough?

Care to guess which one of those two reactions Ben's going to side with?

For the second straight offseason, Brady is staying away from the voluntary practices. That in and of itself isn’t big news. It’s rare for a starting quarterback to not attend these voluntary practices, but everyone understands that Brady wants more of a work/life balance in the offseason. He feels he can do a better job of training himself on his own, and that’s fine. Everyone knows he’ll be in tip-top shape once camp begins in late July.

'Everyone understands' - except for Ben Volin. And now for the second problem with this column, which I believe is deliberate:

But Brady isn’t just skipping voluntary workouts. He seems to be going out of his way to not practice with his team.

It would be one thing if Brady were traveling the world with his family and tending to business matters. He appears to be away this week; on Tuesday, he posted photos of himself working out in helmet and shoulder pads on a beach somewhere. So don’t expect him at this week’s round of Patriots OTAs.

So the whole 'work / life' balance thingy would be okay if he was 'traveling the world with his family and tending to business matters'? Do you get the impression that Volin would complain about this regardless of the manner in which Tom spent the 'life' part of the 'work / life balance' thing? I sure do.

Since the Bruins are on in a few minutes, I'm invoking cricket rules - two strikes and you're out. Feel free to read the rest of the bullshit Volin invokes to criticize Brady, where the commenters rip Volin for being a huge jagoff.

'Word For Word', You Say?

My co-blogger Mike ably pointed out the massive hypocrisy of his Bill Buckner eulogy column, saying it is 'unfair' to define him by one play but having said the exact opposite over numerous columns and platforms since 1986. It has practically been a mini-cottage industry of his, a poor man's 'Curse of the Bambino' without the matching book sales.

Mike spotted the Bob Ley interview where he repeated a fair amount of this column (i.e, 'word for word') in that interview. So imagine my 'surprise' when I tuned into 98.5 The Sports Hub this morning:

On today with @ZoandBertrand from 11-1. Bruins wall-to-wall. Bill Buckner, of course. Dan's Dates at 12:50.
PS: The St Louis Blues are 0-13 lifetime in Stanley Cup Final games.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 28, 2019

My trip to the grocery store this morning was marred by the exposure to the following segment - between 11:45 and 11:50 it was largely a regurgitation of the Bill Buckner column, and we at Dan Shaughnessy Watch have documented this hackery on numerous occasions.

Disingenuous, hypocritical and lazy - what a combination!

The CHB's Buckner Eulogy Just Another Botched Play

Revisionist history abounds today in the wake of the news of Bill Buckner’s passing.

Exhibit A: Shank himself. Eulogizing the former Red Sox star, he writes: “But for the final 33 years of his life, Buckner was best known as the guy who missed the ground ball. For many fans and media members, it defined him. And it was unfair.”

It was unfair alright, but there's a shell game going on and The CHB is behind the table. Let's start with the fake plaudits: “Bill Buckner had more big league hits than either Joe DiMaggio or Ted Williams. He was an All-Star and won a batting title. Playing on ankles that had to be iced almost round the clock, he knocked in 102 runs for the pennant-winning Red Sox in 1986.”

Now it’s true The CHB has said this before. Indeed, it’s almost a word for word repeat of his ESPN interview with Bob Ley in 2016, when the Cubs and Indians were battling for their first respective World Series championship in decades. (Note that he credits Buckner with 103 RBI in the clip.)

But a trip through the Globe archives shows that, much like Shaughnessy’s soul, the actual record is much darker. It ranges from the trite (after the Sox won the 2004 World Series, their first in 86 years) … “The suffering souls of Bill Buckner, Grady Little, Mike Torrez, Johnny Pesky, and Denny Galehouse are released from Boston Baseball's Hall of Pain.” 

… to the random (at the Hall of Fame ceremonies last summer): “Hall of Famer Wade Boggs is here. He can talk about 1986 when the Sox took over first place in May, never looked back, pulled off one of the great comebacks in playoff history against the Angels, then broke New England’s heart in the Bill Buckner World Series against the Mets.”

The CHB coverup continues The flashbacks were in full force each time the Sox made it to October: 

• “But if they somehow lose the 2018 World Series, Game 3 will stand forever as Boston’s baseball’s Buckner moment of the 21st century…”
• “The Cardinals had won 13 of their last 14 postseason homegames, and Saturday's stunner was the first Series game to end on an errorsince Mookie Wilson's grounder went through Bill Buckner's legs in 1986.”

Indeed, almost any time he wrote about the Red Sox and the World Series in the same column, Buckner’s error was cited. “Game 6 also gave us a little dribbler by Mookie Wilson, Vin Scully exclaiming, ‘Behind the bag . . . !’’ and Bill Buckner riding a Train They Call Infamy all the way to a featured role in an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.’’ “

He even found ways to insert gratuitous references into writeups that had nothing to do with the Red Sox or Buckner, like this from the Royals-Mets World Series in 2015: “It featured the first series late-inning go-ahead run due to a first baseman's error (Eric Hosmer) since Bill Buckner's gaffe-for-the-ages in 1986.”

Shanughnessy himself spent column after column writing about it. (Not to mention using the episode to frame an entire book.)

He even took shots on his Twitter account.

Hang on! Here’s one, from 2012, where he plays it straight (mostly). “[Tom House] caught Hank Aaron’s 715th homer in 1974 (only because Dodgers left fielder Bill Buckner couldn’t scale the fence — thank goodness Doug Mientkiewicz wasn’t there).”  Surprised he didn’t sneak in a bit about the Hammer’s record-breaking blast being too high to go through Buckner’s legs? Me too.

On the bright side, it kept The CHB away from the Garden and the Stanley Cup finals, where the Bruins were thumping the Blues. 

Billy Buck, Bruins Nation thanks you for your service.

Swing And A Miss

Just found this column from Saturday afternoon - Shank didn't bother to tweet it out and I found it after checking the Globe's website, which I take great pains to avoid. For those keeping score at home, it's Shank's sixth Bruins column on the season.

Bobby Orr does not appreciate sports talk radio jockeys and fans who characterize 42-year-old Zdeno Chara as a defensive liability for the Bruins.

“I’ve heard a lot of crap recently about Chara, about Z,’’ Orr said during a lengthy interview with the Globe Friday. “Are you kidding me?

“I think if you were to ask these critics what they thought of the Bruins coaches, everyone would say they’ve been outstanding. Well, Z is the top ice guy, one or two. He kills all the penalties. When he’s on the ice, there’s just something different.

It's all Bobby Orr quotes, so of course it's worth checking out.

Always Looking At The Bright Side

Ah - who am I kidding?

The Red Sox are closer to fourth place Jays than they are to first place Yankees

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 26, 2019

Negative Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Shank helpfully points out Chris Sale's recent won / loss record:

Chris Sale has been credited with one win in 15 starts since August 12, 2018.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 25, 2019

Just another case of selective statistics to make his 'case', whatever that's supposed to be.

The John Havlicek Tribute

Our Man Shank was there and writes an excellent column about it:

Bill Russell was there. Red Auerbach’s daughter was there, seated side by side with 90-year-old Bob Cousy, Tommy Heinsohn, Satch Sanders, Dave Cowens, and other gods of Boston Celtics lore.

Four weeks after Celtics legend John Havlicek died in Jupiter, Fla., the vast and vaunted Celtic family gathered Thursday afternoon at Trinity Church in Copley Square for a 90-minute tribute to the man who scored more points than any other player in franchise history.

Less than 2 miles from the sacred Causeway Street space where he played 16 seasons and won eight NBA championships, Havlicek was honored in a celebration of life.

A Helpful Reminder From Bruce Allen

For those of you who don't know him, Bruce Allen used to blog on Boston Sports Media Watch, but has cut way back on the blogging part about a year ago. He's still active on Twitter and I need to read his Twitter feed more regularly, because of missed gems like this one:

September:

The Patriots are back, and for many of us, that means life is worse.

(Via @Dan_Shaughnessy) https://t.co/0GXHrafuiS

— Bruce Allen (@bruceallen) March 28, 2019

Bruce knows how Shank plays the game.

Happy Anniversary!

(An occasional departure from covering His Shankness)

I stumbled across this tweet (and excellent YouTube video in the ensuing thread) from a Twitter feed called Freezing Cold Takes, and this one's a doozy that will bring back many painful memories. On May 6, 1997, the Boston Celtics made perhaps the worst hire in professional basketball history when they hired this fucking guy:

Thanks to @OldTakesExposed, we were reminded of a brutal date in #Celtics historyhttps://t.co/kxCKgAQMzz pic.twitter.com/SJKXqHB5hZ

— NBC Sports Boston (@NBCSBoston) May 19, 2019

Rick Pitino set this team back nearly a decade and it was just plain ugly. My primary memory of the burning dumpster fire that was the Rick Pitino Celtics was actually going to one of the games and, as the YouTube video points out a few times, the only thing I noticed was Pitino yelling and screaming at Antoine Walker and Paul Pierce on nearly every play. I'm sitting about ten rows back behind one of the backboards and I told the buddy I was with - 'if for some reason the ball bounces out and lands in my hands, I'm throwing it right at him and I don't care if I get arrested and thrown out of here for life.' I am beyond certain I'm not the only one who felt that way about Pitino by this time; he was shitcanned about a month afterwards. Him getting caught banging a waitress some time later and all the other shit that happened to him at Louisville only adds to my feeling of schadenfreude, and probably yours as well.

The Obligatory Michael Chavis Column

Shank finally takes note of the hot rookie:

It is as if Michael Chavis has been delivered from Central Casting.

Born and bred in Georgia, armed with a golly-gee politeness and 450-foot power, Chavis has helped saved the Red Sox season.

Sunday against the Astros, batting leadoff, of all places, Chavis swung at everything he saw (six pitches, four balls in play), cracked a 420-foot homer and a seventh-inning single which represented the winning run in Boston’s 4-3 victory over the best team in baseball. The comeback victory averted a rare Fenway sweep of the Sox and fortified the growing Legend of Michael Chavis.

Bandwagon Dan, A Continuing Story

The fifth time's a charm:

RALEIGH, N.C. — Thursday marked 100 days since Boston’s last championship parade.

Time to fire up the duck boats. It has been too long.

Say goodbye to the Jerks, the Goobers, Hamilton the Pig, inflated arena noise, and the Sons of the Hartford Whalers. The Bruins won the Prince of Wales Trophy on Thursday night, beating the Carolina Hurricanes, 4-0, to advance to the Stanley Cup Final for the 20th time in franchise history. Boston will face the San Jose Sharks or St. Louis Blues (Sharks lead, 2-1) starting sometime within the next 10 days (yes, we might have to wait a while) on Causeway Street.

You and I could throw paint, soy sauce and mustard against a wall and come up with something better than what ensues - read on, at your own risk.

And there's this:

Part of Carolina’s Game 4 pregame entertainment featured a live interview on the big board in which a couple of local TV personalities talked about Rask and the Bruins “blowing it” against the Flyers in 2010. Comebacks from 3-0 deficits are rare, but there have been four in hockey, and one was the Bruins losing a 3-0 lead against the Flyers in 2010.

We all remember who was telling us about that series loss, don't we?

How The Game Is Played

I'm not talking about hockey, but rather Shank's sporadic coverage of it. Ninety-plus games in, behold, his fourth Boston Bruins column this hockey season:

RALEIGH, N.C. — The Bruins are running downhill on the way to the Stanley Cup Final. Each series has been easier than the one before.

These Cup playoffs for the Spoked-B’s have been like a NASA countdown.

Seven games . . . then six . . . now perhaps four?

Liftoff.

Bring on the San Jose Sharks or the St. Louis Blues.

It’s strange. Has there ever been a championship run in which each round got easier? Certainly the 2004 and 2007 Red Sox were more tested in the ALCS than in the World Series, but they did not experience anything like what we are seeing in this magical — dare we say easy? — run to the Final. Those Sox faced much tougher competition in the second round than they did in the first. Only the World Series (both sweeps) was easy.

It’s never easy, of course — unless it’s the Patriots in the AFC East or the 2018-19 Red Sox against the AL bum-of-the-week clubs. Winning at the playoff level is always rugged and hard.

Do any of you think Shank watched any of last night's game? That Bruins win was not easy.

Let's set aside the obvious bullshit praising the Red Sox; he's been taking dumps on them nearly every day from Spring training until they got hot two weeks ago and now pretends to be on their side.

I've helpfully pointed out the theme that Shank is using in his not so genuine praise of the Bruins, and longtime readers will recognize it right away when compared to many of his Patriots columns. By claiming the Bruins' playoff run is easy (and in the next breath saying it's not easy), Shank nonetheless creates the impression, however false, that a Stanley Cup for the Bruins will be easy. If they do not, Shank will then take the mother of all shits on the Bruins for not winning the Stanley Cup because it was supposed to be easy.

And that's how the game is played.

Even His Jokes Are Old

...as well as lame:

Even Grady Little would have pulled this guy by now

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 12, 2019

It's Worth It

It seems like it was mere weeks ago that Shank was shitting on the team, wasn't it? Now that the Boston Red Sox are back to their winning ways, so is his faux support for them.

The Red Sox are worth watching again

The storm has been weathered. The awkward White House trip has come and gone. Chris Sale doesn’t stink anymore. Boy wonder Michael Chavis saved the season when all seemed lost. April showers have given way to May sunshine. The Red Sox are a wagon again. They beat the Mariners, 9-5, on Saturday and even got a two-run single from the offensively catatonic Jackie Bradley Jr.

After everything that happened in the Sox’ hideously bad first month of a title defense, they will wake up Sunday four games out of first place. After playing as bad as they could possibly play, the Sox are right where they need to be to get where they want to go. They still have not even played a quarter of the season and everything is ahead of them. It turns out that the hole they dug was not too deep.

Despite Shank telling you otherwise during that 'hideously bad first month'. Funny how that works.

Punted

It looks like we're not getting the predicted Celtics bashing; instead we get some Red Sox bashing:

White House ceremony honoring Red Sox awkward from the start

The White House Thursday morning sent out a scheduled post on its website stating, “President Trump Welcomes the 2018 World Series Champions The Boston Red Socks to the White House.’’

I am not making this up.

Red Socks.

In a time-honored and now-controversial tradition, a portion of the Sox gathered at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Thursday and heard laudatory remarks delivered by President Donald Trump. The president spoke for nine minutes (my favorite moment came when he asked Steve Pearce how his season was going), called upon Chris Sale, J.D. Martinez, and Sox owner John Henry to make remarks, then thanked everybody and gave the Socks entourage a tour of the Lincoln bedroom.

More awkwardness at the link.

UPDATE AT 3:50 PM - A commenter points out the obvious, and that is this: the Boston Globe / Dan Shaughnessy coverage of Boston sports teams at the White House is a function of the occupant of the Oval Office. If it's a Democrat, the primary focus is on the player(s) who do not attend and what bad people they are. If it's a Republican, the focus is on the President and what a 'thorny issue' this is and how the players involved should 'start distancing themselves from some of his polarizing policies'. Good to know Obama never had any polarizing policies!

Holding Out No Longer

The Boston Celtics lost last night, 116-91 in rather ugly fashion, with Kyrie Irving going 6 for 21 from the floor and the other players not doing too much better. I just finished listening to Felger & Mazzarotti (and Big Jim Murray was on it as well) absolutely savaging the Celtics, with Kyrie bearinge the overwhelming brunt of the blast for the first two hours. It's one of the times that a) I knew that Michael Felger would be in rare form and b) I fully agreed with nearly every word of it. It's one of the few times you actually look forward to that trademark Boston sports media negativity.

A curious natural omission, of course - the Dan Shaugnessy column eviscerating and Celtics. It's in his blood, perhaps more natural than breathing to him, and I was fully expecting to wake up this morning and see him in nuclear meltdown mode. There was nothing. until now:

Never saw poultry or brew in the lockerroom, but I will always think of these guys as the Chicken-And-Beer Celtics of 2018-2019.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 9, 2019

Reader poll - do we still get a stemwinder from Shank or did Felger already use up all the oxygen in the room on this one?

Hijacking The Bandwagon Yet Again

Keep the dream alive!

Sunday was a day of rest for the Grand Slam of Bling.

But it is still alive.

It’s been a remote possibility since the Patriots won the Super Bowl just three months after the 2018 Red Sox won the World Series.

No city has ever been home to the reigning kings of all four sports simultaneously, but until the Celtics or Bruins are eliminated, Boston remains alive for this glut of championship gold.

At which point he'll rip either / both teams as 'simply not good enough'.

...
This will be the fifth time the Bruins and Celtics played postseason games on the same date this spring.

And should one of those two teams lose, it's a certainty he'll write a column about the loss.

DHL Dan LXXXIII - The Hondo Column

Shank's latest Picked Up Pieces column contains a lot of mini-stories about recently deceased Celtics legend John Havlicek. Naturally, this doesn't stop him from delivering another cheap shot at you-know-who:

Picked-up pieces while wondering whether freedom fighter Bob Kraft will make another triumphant, crowd-rousing appearance at a Garden playoff game any time soon . . .

Makes you want to stop reading right then and there, doesn't it?

■ The death of John Havlicek inspired some amazing commentary on Twitter.

“It is getting difficult each time I hear about another contemporary that passes,’’ Bill Russell wrote. “He was not just a teammate & a great guy, but he was family.’’

From Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: “I met John Havlicek at the same time & place that I met Red Auerbach and Bill Russell @ my high school gym in Autumn of 1961 — my freshman year. He was still playing when I entered the league and our friendship grew.”

From Jack Nicklaus, who crossed paths with Havlicek at Ohio State from 1959-61, on Facebook: “John loved the outdoors, loved to fish, and frequently when he played golf at Bear Lakes Country Club in West Palm Beach, he carried a fishing pole in his bag. But if there is one thing we should all remember about John Havlicek, it is his heart. John always made himself available to help others. Every time there was a charity event, or any time someone could make a difference in someone else’s life, John Havlicek was there.”

Read on for more Kraft cheap shots, a cameo appearance of 'Theo and his minions' and other assorted trivia. No gratuitous Larry Bird mention, though. Maybe next time...

A Question Nobody's Asking

Shank does a column on the Celtics loss last night to the Milwaukee Bucks:

Who really thought the Celtics were going to have it easy?

MILWAUKEE — Admit it, Celtic fans, you were getting a little cocky about this.

The playoff narrative was that the Celtics had fixed everything after their disappointing regular season. They swept the Indiana Pacers in Round 1, then spanked the top-seeded Milwaukee Bucks by 22 points in the first game of the Eastern Conference semifinal. Hot-take artist Paul Pierce announced that the series was officially over and some of us spent 48 hours pondering whether it would be better for the Celts to face the Sixers or the Raptors in the conference final.