Shank's Most Recent Red Sox Whipping Post

That would be the apparently soon-to-be former closer Craig Kimbrel:

Good luck to the team that falls for him. Overrated. Master of clean inning 3-run lead save vs Orioles. High leverage? Real pressure? Not so much https://t.co/DvTJZo1aSH

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 30, 2018

Isn't it funny that Shank's been pulling his punches criticizing Red Sox players ever since John Henry bought the Globe and told Shank to shut his piehole chooses to step up the criticism on them once they're on the outs with the team? He'll now rip him every now and then like he's been doing to Adrian Gonzalez whenever his name makes the news.

DHL Dan - LXXVIII

When you're unable to shit on the New England Patriots (much) the Boston Bruins or the Boston Celtics (because their last games were all wins), you get the Picked-Up Pieces column:

Picked-up pieces while reminding you that Truck Day is Feb. 4, the day after the Patriots win the Super Bowl . . .

■ Here’s one more thing to like about your World Series-winning Red Sox: They beat the Yankees every way possible this year, including in decency and generosity.

We all know the Sox finished eight games ahead of the Bronx Bombers and wiped out the Steinbrenner AC in four games in the Division Series. Now it turns out that in addition to being losers in the AL East, the Yanks were also cheap and petty.

Cheap and petty - does that remind you of anyone?

In late-season share meetings, when players had to decide how many full shares would be doled out after the playoffs, the Red Sox authorized 66 full shares while the Yankees agreed to only 45. This is life-changing money for support staffers working for a major league team.

And Shank continues to bash the Patriots' division, the AFC East:

■ I love it when ever-sensitive Patriots fans (no slight shall go without vicious reply on Twitter or talk show) try to tell me there is actual competition in the AFC East. No. There is not. The Dolphins, Bills, and Jets stink every single year. Winning the AFC East is like signing up for Facebook.

It’s OK to admit.

It's not okay to 'admit' it when it's complete hogwash. This site has pointed out time and again / ad nauseum that any meaningful examination of total wins by a given division almost always has the AFC East in the mix if not outright winning the most games in a year compared to the other divisions. I was listening to Shank's appearance on Zolak and Bertrand yesterday morning (just past 11:00 AM) that stat geeks were sending him data that supports the position that the AFC East by this measurement (total wins) is not a terrible division (and check out the links above when this has come up in the past). In other words, Shank knows that the data does not support his position but he continues to spread his bullshit in order to keep trolling fans of the Patriots.

The Biennial Paul Pierce Question

Shank writes a column about Paul Pierce's rightful place amongst the all-time Celtic greats:

Red Auerbach didn’t live to see Paul Pierce win an NBA championship with the Celtics, but Red knew what kind of a player he had a few years after the Celtics selected Pierce out of Kansas in 1998.

“He would absolutely fit in with the Celtic teams I coached,’’ an 84-year-old Red told me in 2004. “He’s the whole package, offensively and defensively. He’s respectful, and he doesn’t bitch. Old-fashioned. I really like him.’’

Red died a couple of years later, two years too soon to see Pierce named MVP of the NBA Finals when the Celtics destroyed the Lakers, 131-92, in the sixth and deciding game of the championship series.

If you get the feeling that you've read this column before, it's because you have read this column before!

Hot Gameday Takes, By Dan Shaughnessy - II

Never heard this one before!

This will be a double-score day for Pats. Bank on it. Last minute of first half and first possession after halftime.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 25, 2018

Hot Gameday Takes, By Dan Shaughnessy

...and here we go!

I like the Patriots, 73-0 today against the mighty Jets.
J-e-t-s
s-u-c-k

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 25, 2018

Shank On High Scool Tryouts

Around this time of year, we get a couple of columns from Shank that are designed to make him look like less of an asshole. Here is one of those columns.

There was no 3-point arc stenciled on the gleaming wood court when we showed up for high school basketball tryouts in late November of 1968. Nor were there potential “ones,” “twos,” “threes,” “fours,” or “fives.” We had guards, forwards, and centers. Our 6-foot-4-inch freshman pivot candidate was not “long.’’ Phil was merely tall. And he didn’t operate “in the paint.” He maneuvered in the key — ever-trying to avoid getting called for three seconds.

Nobody played for an AAU team outside of high school. Our parents would have scoffed at the notion of paying good money to drive all over Massachusetts so we could play on teams with kids we didn’t know.

No. We just showed up for tryouts because we wanted to make the high school varsity basketball squad, which was the most important team in town (parents and townsfolk actually went to the games) and the toughest roster to crack.

Stupid Ideas

Shank latches onto one and gives it some rightful mockery:

$100 to hang around a Warriors game but not actually see it live? I’ll pass

Just when you think we have reached the height of absurdity regarding sports saturation and “event people” who will do absolutely anything to be part of a major sports experience, we learn of something that on the surface seems so mind-numbingly stupid, it defies all logic.

Say hello to the “In The Building Pass” currently being offered to fans of the Golden State Warriors.

For a mere $100 per month, Warriors fans who’ve been unable to score tickets can buy an “In The Building Pass,” which gives them access to all regular-season home games. For that $100, they gain entry to Oracle Arena and are invited to watch the game from Club 200 level TVs. They’re eligible for giveaways, like if it happens to be Draymond Green bobblehead night. They can use the concourse bathrooms, buy beers for $15-$17, and maybe score a bottle of water for $6.50. They can watch all the beautiful ticketed people file in and out of the arena.

But that’s it. There is no access to the actual arena. Not even standing room.

It goes on from there, but this sounds like something to be avoided. It's worth reading the whole column, just to catch riffs like this one:

This feels like paying $100 per month for the privilege of driving to Logan Airport, parking for $50, standing in line for a half-hour where you will be strip-searched and humiliated by TSA, then buying some bad food and gazing at the duty-free stuff that you can’t buy on the long walk to Gate E-10. Finally, you get to watch happy travelers board a plane bound for Madrid.

Well, that might be the best one, but you be the judge.

A Stunning Grasp Of The Obvious

That's our man Shank, feigning concern about this year's New England Patriots:

I’m beginning to worry that this might not be the Patriots’ year.

This is the bye weekend for New England. Ordinarily, that means everything that can possibly benefit the Patriots will happen. Even when they are not playing.

This would have meant Jacksonville beating the Steelers Sunday. This would have vaulted the 7-3 Patriots over the 6-2-1 Steelers in the AFC playoff seedings. It would have put the Pats on the only path they know: first-round bye, second-round home game, AFC Championship, Super Bowl.

And it looked like a certainty. The Steelers trailed the Jags, 16-0 with two minutes left in the third quarter . . . in Jacksonville. It was all set. The Pats were going to benefit while they were on their couches. Just like every other year.
...
Stand around and wait for competitors to fall down. It’s a time-tested formula that’s served the Patriots for 18 years.

The Patriots got their first break of the weekend when the Chiefs-Rams game was moved from Mexico City to Los Angeles because of field conditions at Azteca Stadium. The neutral site was good for the Chiefs. But now it’s a road game for Kansas City at Los Angeles Coliseum. Advantage: Pats.

Read the whole column if you'd like to catch up on old Shankisms and reused column bits.

This comment pretty much sums things up:

Yup, that's exactly how you win five Super Bowls and create a a magical dynasty the envy of all professional sports. It's all luck, luck, luck. The competitors always "fall down". All the other teams are "tomato cans". The Pats have never been that good. It's just that they get lucky all the time, and they always play inferior competition. It's so easy to develop franchise qb's, I just don't understand why so many teams have a problem doing so. And those coaches, why can't more teams get top notch HOF coaches. Yup, it seems like the Pats "luck" is finally, finally running out. I hope!

DHL Dan - LXXVII - The Game

Shank makes another trip to the post office to mail shit in:

At about 9:30 Saturday morning in front of Gate D on Jersey Street, I saw a man and a woman both dressed in full-length raccoon coats, wearing Harvard scarfs.

Boola Boola comes to Fenway.

There's that dumb catchphrase again - don't they teach you at journalism school not to be repetitive?

Three and a half weeks ago, we had Dodgers vs. Red Sox in Game 2 of the World Series at our ancient Back Bay cathedral. Saturday it was the 135th playing of the Harvard-Yale game with Harvard winning, 45-27, in front of 34,675, including Thurston Howell III and Lovey.

Talk about seriously dating yourself with the Gilligan's Island reference - that show ended when I was two and a half years old.

Read on if you want to read about other non-baseball events at Fenway Park and more Harvard / Yale Ivy League snob bullshit.

Interesting Word Choice

Whenever I hear the word “decorum” the first thing I think of is Donald Trump.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 16, 2018

An interesting comment, coming from a columnist who 'Once ripped on a mentally-disabled ballplayer (Jeff Stone) for his lack of intelligence', referred to Carl Everett as 'the Ebola virus of the Red Sox clubhouse', called Jose Offerman 'a piece of junk', and called David Ortiz 'a sad sack of you-know-what'. This is breathtaking hypocrisy on Shank's part.

A Time To Worry?

Shank's first column on the Boston Celtics this season comes after a brutal road trip:

The Celtics live a charmed life around here. Seldom is heard a discouraging word. It is as if the Auerbach-Russell-Havlicek-Bird decades pooled a reservoir of goodwill that quenches the thirst of fans and media tough guys deep into a new century.

The Celtics operate with relative immunity from the everyday noise and negativity that touches our other three successful franchises. Think about it: Nobody ever makes fun of the Celtics owners.

That's off limits to Shank, but Robert Kraft is fair game.

Nobody calls them cheap or complains about ticket prices. Basketball boss Danny Ainge is praised nonstop for his vision and brilliance, and coach Brad Stevens is universally hailed as a homespun Hoosier successor to John Wooden or even Red himself.

Meanwhile, the Patriots are held to an impossibly high standard,

Really hard to understand how that came to be the case, isn't it?

the Red Sox are questioned by a region of baseball know-it-alls, and proud hockey krishnas are ever-ready to carry pitchforks to Causeway Street if things are not swell with the Bruins.

But it’s always boola boola for the Green Team.

Which brings us to a surprisingly rough patch for the prematurely anointed 2019 NBA Eastern Conference champs.

I'm not sure too many people were saying that last month, but they're not saying it much right now, at a current record of 7 - 6. The rest of the column is readable, but just note the contrast of this column versus some of the Red Sox columns during their playoff run this year as well as every other column about the Patriots during the last fifteen years.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXXIII

There's a few more empty desks at the Globe:

The @BostonGlobe lays off 15, including five in the newsroom. Among those cut: @GlobeHorowitz. @BosBizDon reports (paywall): https://t.co/WAPJAlRkOt

— Dan Kennedy (@dankennedy_nu) November 12, 2018

Great Gameday Calls, By Dan Shaughnessy

Presented without comment:

Mike Vrabel about to forget everything he knows about football for the next 3 1/2 hours

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 11, 2018

DHL Dan - LXXVI

Asking the oft-repeated questions:

Could the Patriots have done more with Aaron Hernandez, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while wondering why everyone who coaches against Bill Belichick loses his football mind (your turn, Mike Vrabel) . . .

How'd it work out the last time the Patriots played against one of their former coaches, Shank? Care to revise your statement?

■ For those of you who were caught up in the Red Sox ride, or perhaps too busy to read the Globe Spotlight’s team’s six-part series on Aaron Hernandez, here are some nuggets you might have missed: Remember the “safe house” in Franklin where Hernandez stored ammunition and drugs, a few miles from the North Attleborough home he shared with his fiancée and infant daughter? Based on Belichick’s own statements when he was interviewed by the State Police after Odin Lloyd’s murder, the Patriots helped Hernandez find the flop house.

Shank has a habit of bringing up Aaron Hernandez every now and then when the need arises.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - LXXII

A day that will live in infamy...

Looks like they're taking down the letters of the old @BostonGlobe today. @universalhub pic.twitter.com/PFSIRR7jyL

— Uncle Joey (@skituate) November 8, 2018

'Objective' Bruce is probably refilling his meds as we speak!

The Greatest Red Sox Team Evah!

Since the New England Patriots won in pretty convincing fashion last night, Shank is contractually prohibited from writing a column about that subject. Instead, he'll tell us which team is the greatest in Red Sox history:

It’s been a less than a week since the Duck Boats carried our 2018 Red Sox down Boylston Street’s Canyon of Heroes. We’ve basked in after-parties and watched the CoraMen visit Puerto Rico and flash bling at Celtics and Patriots games. We’ve ordered 119-win swag from the Globe store and await a stash of commemorative Red Sox stuff at holiday time.

The 2018 Red Sox are beloved and bejeweled, a role model for Team Above Self. New England will forever remember them fondly.

But you know what they are not?

They are not the greatest Red Sox team of all-time.

They are not even the best Sox team of this century.

Pretty strong words! He does make some very good arguments, but I feel he's just trying to get people riled up again. That's what he does.

Dan Shaugnessy, Wrong Again

Shank's trying to set the table for the New England Patriots in the same manner he's been doing for at least six years now:

Roethlisberger down in Baltimore. Comes back. But it is a reminder that we are reaching pt in NFL season where best player on every team in Pats path will get hurt

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 4, 2018

Except for one small detail - he was back in the game two plays later:

He got the wind knocked out of him. He’s fine !

— Bill (@WilliamMStocco) November 4, 2018

Shank did note that Big Ben came back in the game, but you and I know that wasn't the point of the tweet. When the Patriots get to this point of the season and are one of the top teams in the AFC, he generally pushes that notion (every key player of our opponents and potential playoff rival will get injured) and / or this one:

Here it comes. Patriots not that good. They win anyway. Seen it one million times

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 24, 2018

I can hardly wait until the stupid 'coin flip' and 'double score' tweets in a few hours, but he did spare us the semi-predictable pregame 'Brady vs. Rodgers' column, for which we should all be grateful.