Blown Out

The Boston Celtics lost by thirty points last night, so you know what that means:

CLEVELAND — It was all going a little too smoothly.

The Celtics beat the Cavaliers in Games 1 and 2 of the conference finals last week and the NBA’s schedule-maker gave them almost four full days to read and hear about how great they were . . . and how the Cavaliers were finished . . . and how the Celtics were bound to meet the Golden State Warriors in the NBA Finals.

It was a little bit much, no? Brad Stevens was prematurely anointed Coach of the Century, Jayson Tatum was the new Paul Pierce, and Marcus Smart was suddenly the best Celtic to come off the bench since John Havlicek in the mid-1960s.

Note that Shank's applying his patented technique here - build up a local team beyond all reasonable expectations so you can gloat for much longer when the team inevitably fails to meet those unreasonable expectations:

Back in the artificially-loud comfort of Quicken Loans Arena, the still-proud Cavaliers ran the young Celtics off the floor in the first quarter and made this a legitimate series with a wire-to-wire, 116-86, Game 3 victory. There was no beating King James (27 points, 12 assists) at home on the same day as a Royal Wedding. The Celtics played like a bunch of guys who got out of bed too early to watch the nuptials across the pond. They were the Carson Smith Five.

What's Red Sox pitcher Carson Smith's doing in this article? Shank gets to shit on him too!