Sunday, February 13, 2011

Welcome To Sunny Florida!

Shank is in Fort Myers on his annual baseball junket. Witness the smooth transition from provincial semi-snobbery to someone who got his ass kicked by seventy inches (and counting!) of New England global warming:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — There are so many reasons that it’s better to be in Fort Myers than in Boston today.

I’m not usually much of a weather guy. I always felt sorry for my parents’ friends who traded their drafty New England farmhouses for some pre-fab condo in a sterile courtyard near an orange grove and an Olive Garden in central Florida. It struck me as an unholy swap. I’ll take the snow and ice if it comes with a neighborhood, lifelong friends, and memories.

This year is different. Life has been too hard in the Hub. Give me heat and humidity, even if it comes with a Perkins and pawn shop on every other block.

Give me the warmth of the sun.

Give me pitchers and catchers.

Give me baseball.

You should be here, too. Here are just a few reasons why:


You won’t confront a snow-forced “faceoff’’ every time you’re on a secondary road and there’s a car coming in the other direction. The streets here are snow-free and wide. You don’t have to visit the body shop every time you bang into a wall of concrete/snow. Nobody calls for a tow truck if you park on the side of the road for a moment. It’s shocking for those of us who just got off the plane from Ice Station Zebra/Boston.
It's not a genuine Shank column without a random insult or two:

You might ask new slugger Gonzalez, “Yo, Adrian, what’s up with No. 28?’’ It’s not exactly steeped in tradition. It was worn by lunkheads Steve Crawford, Jeff Stone, and Doug Mirabelli. It was also worn by Jack Billingham, Diego Segui, Dennis Bennett, and Wilbur Wood. It was Joe Rudi’s uniform number during the half-hour he spent with the Sox in 1976.
Ice Station Zebra? Way to date yourself, Shank!

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