The Great Unraveling

Just one more thought on Shank's hot take from last night:

No team unravels like Thunder

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 31, 2016

Did OKC unravel in the playoffs against the team with the second best regular season record in the NBA? Naturally, Shank won't discuss that angle. It doesn't fit his narrative.

It would be more intellectually honest (if I can be allowed to use 'intellect' and 'Dan Shaughnessy' in an unironic sense in the same sentence) to say OKC simply ran into a buzzsaw when they engaged Golden State in the Western Conference finals. Once again, that would require a bit more honesty and a bit less hyperbole in his tweets, which Shank is either unwilling or unable to do.

Hot Takes, By Dan Shaughnessy - II

It seems like Twitter does not have a spell check tool:

PawSox annouce they are hoolding a "Free Brady" Night.
Just embarrassing.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 31, 2016

Reader feedback is about what you'd expect:

@Dan_Shaughnessy it's minor league baseball. It's all about gimmicks to get people to come and want to come back. Always been the way.

— Will Shapiro (@willshapiro) May 31, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy you mean holding

— Tommy Leihbacher(@23Tommy24) May 31, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy Actually, a journalist that can't spell is more embarrassing.

— Hubb(@hubbwood) May 31, 2016

Revisionist History - II

Shank wants you to forget about all of his Red Sox columns over the past year:

BALTIMORE — Remember all that stuff about “urgency”, and last place three times in four years, and John Farrell on the hot seat, and the Red Sox struggling to regain relevance in their own market?

Yeah, forget all that.

Throw in some awful puns...

Knuckleballer Steven Wright floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee for the full nine innings, stifling a thunderous Oriole lineup on four hits.

... a paint by numbers game recap and the back of Dustin Pedroia's hand to Shank's face:

I told Betts how impressed we all were.

“I did the same exact thing last year in Kansas City,’’ he deadpanned. “Pedey was the hitter.’’

I checked with Dustin Pedroia.

“Of course,’’ said Pedroia. “Pay attention. Watch the games.’’

And you have the typical Shank faux-bandwagon Red Sox column.

Hot Takes, By Dan Shaughnessy

Having said nothing about the NBA Playoffs since the Celtics lost in the first round and Shank's oh-so predictable burial thereof , he took to Twitter earlier today to predict the future like Nostradmus:

Count me as one who believes OK City has NO chance tonight. Game 6 at home was elimination game for them and they caved. Over now.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 30, 2016

During the game, Shank feels the need to troll:

No team unravels like Thunder

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 31, 2016

Next up - a pro forma column or two about the NBA Finals where Shank can remind you of his pick to win it all. Or not!

Column on Boggs a Sad Affair

I looked at the headline of today's piece on the retiring of Wade Boggs' number, and said the following:

• Chicken
• Riding the cop's horse after the World Series win
• Margo Adams.

Then I read the column.

"Only Wade could insist that he ate chicken three times a day, 365 days a year." Check.

"Boggs won a World Series with the Yankees and infuriated more Sox fans when he hopped on a New York City police horse to celebrate the victory at Yankee Stadium." Check.

Surprisingly, there was no reference to Margo Adams (although The CHB did throw in the anecdote about Boggs' wife running over him during spring training).

The rest is the usual soulless recitation of facts. So dull, in fact, a reference to Boggs' widely known affair with Adams would have been welcome.

The One Where Shank Lectures Robert Kraft

Not exactly sure what prompted this little fit of pique (probably this column), but there it is:

Needy Bob Kraft wants his fans to love him again. But we know he wants his seat at the NFL Big Boy table more. Can't have both, Bob,

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 26, 2016

You still mad, bro?

Backhanded Compliment

Watching the beginning of tonight's Red Sox game, when the 1986 Boston Red Sox were being honored, I was sitting there, thinking - 'I'm imagining Shank doing a column right now, larding up the insults and cheap shots for coming one strike away from winning the World Series'.

I wasn't far off the mark - check out the massively insulting nickname Shank conjured up to 'commemorate' this team:

They were Boston’s One Strike Away Boys of Summer. Coming off a perfectly boring .500 season, the 1986 Red Sox took over first place in mid May and stayed there the rest of the season. They staged (what was at the time) the greatest comeback in ALCS history in Game 5 in Anaheim. Then they came closer to winning the World Series — without actually winning — than any team in history. They were the ones who could have broken the Curse, purged the ghosts, and prompted New Englanders to ring church bells and place Sox artifacts on gravestones of those who never lived to see it happen.

This insult is repeated throughout the column, with a paint by the numbers recollection of various points of that season. Typical Shank hatchet job.

Trolling Tweets, by Dan Shaughnessy

Shank doesn't do subtlety very well:

In May of 2013, I interviewed Ortiz in person and asked him about PEDs. It was a taped conversation. Among other things, I asked him if he understood why people might be suspicious of his performance and bat speed at his age. A few of his answers are worth repeating now:

“I don’t care what people say, bro. That’s the bottom line. If you struggle, it’s bad. If you do well, it’s bad, too. I don’t care. I got nothing to hide, bro.

“Testing is not my problem. Being tested — I ask to go in and get it done. I got no problem with that. I’m not going to screw everything that I have done in my career because I test positive for steroids. That’s not going to happen.

“I guarantee you that later, you are not going to find out that I tested positive for some [expletive]. It’s not happening. Guaranteed. Guaranteed.’’

Ruth. Gehrig. Ortiz. Unbelievable!!

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 25, 2016

Rehash Radio - XII

Clockwork Shaughnessy, everybody!

How predictable was yesterday's Picked Up Pieces column? I e-mailed the following to my co-blogger at high noon yesterday: "I can feel a Picked Up Pieces column being written as we speak; Shank needs it (or something else) to regurgitate on 98.5 tomorrow." He even managed to rehash his PED accusation to Ortiz from 2013. Now that's going through the motions!

On @ZoandBertrand today from 11-1. They are back on the Brady Bus (what a surprise) and we no doubt will get into some Red Sox stuff.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 24, 2016

Dan Does Drugs

Expect to see this theme often this year: Papi and PEDs.

It's a one-man meme with The CHB, who can't seem to move off the refrain that no man in his 40s, save for a few dead white guys, could possibly be capable of the assault on pitching that Papi is administering this season.

Perhaps it's because he was so fooled by Barry Bonds, whom Shank feted for years even after Bonds' head had grown to the size of one of those watermelons you might see at an Arkansas county fair.

Let's go back to The CHB's comments from Oct. 18, 2002, on the eve of the Giants-Angels World Series, when he all but proposed to Bonds:

Why does America hate Barry Bonds so much? Is it because he's too good? Is it because we constantly hear that his teammates can't stand him? Is it the phony, Carl Everett-esque point to the heavens when he crosses the plate after homering? Is it because he sounds so insincere? Are we threatened by the prospect of him passing hardball gods Willie Mays, Babe Ruth, and Hank Aaron on the all-time homer list? Bonds is the central figure of this World Series. It is difficult to come up with another player who's gotten more attention before the start of the event. We want to know how/if the Angels will pitch to him. We want to see if he can finally perform in the clutch. Despite his (relatively) strong showing in the first two rounds, Bonds will still be remembered as a postseason bust if he fails in this World Series. And so many are rooting against him. It should make for fascinating theater.

In the midst of all that manlove, nothing there about steroids. Oops.

Another highlight (lowlight?) of this picked up pieces (of shit) column: A shot at "the increasingly unhinged Curt Schilling," who says Red Sox owner John Henry is "not a good person."

Ironically, snark aside The CHB would probably agree, but honestly, who cares? Henry is there to win World Series and write checks. Personally, if he does those two things, I could care less if he spends his nights putting up all the stray kittens in Brookline into a sack and tossing them into the Charles.

Tito Lay

With the Indians and former Red Sox manager Tito Francona in town, The CHB opts for nostalgia today, for reasons unknown.

We say reasons unknown because Francona is now in his fourth season as skipper of the Indians. During that time, he has visited Fenway Park 11 times. It's old news, except to those with severe memory problems who are resigned to repeating themselves.

Just like Dan!

Speaking of memory problems, The CHB must think these are the 1976 Indians. He refers to them as a team with "no stars and no payroll":

• Cory Kluber, 2014 Cy Young Award winner, 2015 top 10 Cy Young votes; 
• Francisco Lindor, 2015 Rookie of the Year runner up; lifetime BA .317
• Michael Brantley; finished 3d in AL MVP vote in 2014; lifetime BA .292
• Danny Salazar, lifetime ERA 3.48, averages 10Ks/9 innings
• Carlos Carrasco, finished 13th in the Cy Young vote in 2015

So be it. The CHB wants to insinuate that Tito is such a great manager, the Indians on winning simply on the strength of his ability. And, he wants to needle Francona's former bosses -- John Henry, Tom Werner, et al -- for apparently no being pen pals with their ex employee. (You think The CHB keeps in touch with Arthur Sulzberger?)

And while it's true that in terms of salary the Indians are closer to the bottom of the majors than the top, when it comes to the alleged need to spend money, who is the loudest of them all?

Pass.

Positive Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Shank didn't enjoy his latest journey near Fenway Park:

Kendall sq. Soul-less and worst traffic in greater Boston. Rather be anywhere.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 19, 2016

...else?

Reader feedback was fully understanding and supportive:

@Dan_Shaughnessy then just leave already, Dan. Do you ever have anything positive to say? There are meds for that sort of thing.

— CRL (@Lindowitz) May 19, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy better call the Whaaaaaaambulancefor Shank!

— Ross Maguire (@MiggiSmalls3) May 19, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy not remotely close to the worst traffic in Boston, but whatever.

— Wooderson(@otoro7) May 19, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy Nothing compared to LA!!! 🚙🚙🚙🚙 all day long!

— Don Thompson (@m_dtfatboy) May 19, 2016

@Dan_Shaughnessy you'd rather be at a Uconnwoman's basketball game?

— N. Costa (@617NDC) May 19, 2016

Revisionist History

Now that the 2016 Boston Red Sox are kicking ass, Shank decides to rub former Sox GM Theo Epstein's balls:

It’s not Dave Dombrowski. It’s not Ben Cherington, either. It’s not Mike Hazen. It’s not ownership. It’s certainly not Bill James.

None of the above.

No. This Red Sox team you have come to love early in the 2016 Boston baseball season — this team that looks like it might be a worst-to-first facsimile of the 2013 bearded wonders — was largely built by Theo Epstein.

He was the Camelot Kid from Brookline when he became general manager of the Red Sox at the age of 28 in November of 2002. He took charge of a roster assembled by Dan Duquette, made big bold deals, and got all the credit when the Sox won their first World Series in the biblical October of 2004.

Naturally, Shank was singing a different tune a few years ago:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — The blame pie is big and heavy.

There’s a giant slice for Bobby Valentine. We all know Bobby’s the reason everything went wrong with the 2012 Red Sox. Ownership gets three hefty slices. John, Tom, and Larry lost their way in the name of sellouts, bricks, and NESN ratings. Theo Epstein is a handy dartboard ornament. He gets a solid slice of blame pie.

Last but certainly not least, who can forget the infamous Dirty Laundry column?

Let's start with Theo being a ''baseball guy" while Larry is a lawyer with a lofty title (CEO). Granted, Epstein is a student of the game, but it's a mistake to say he knows more about baseball than Lucchino or anyone else in the Red Sox baseball operation. Theo is 31 years old and did not play baseball past high school. He spent four years at Yale and three years at law school. That hardly leaves time for much more than rotisserie league scouting. He can read the data and has a horde of trusty, like-minded minions, but we're not talking about a lifetime of beating the bushes and scouting prospects. Lucchino was a good high school baseball player and made it to the NCAA Final Four with Princeton's basketball team. He came to baseball as an executive in 1979, when Theo was 5 years old. That doesn't make him George Digby or Ray Boone, but he's not Les Otten, either.

Lucchino-bashers, and they are legion, maintain that he repeatedly has undermined Theo and on occasion killed deals made by Epstein and the minions. There was one, for sure. When Theo's assistant Josh Byrnes (hired by Arizona as GM Friday) made a deal with Colorado, Epstein thought he had a better deal with another club and requested that Lucchino fall on the sword and invoke the ownership approval clause to kill the Rockies deal. Accustomed to people hating him, Lucchino took the fall, killing the deal and saving Epstein.
....
Publicly, Theo always has talked about ''mutual respect" regarding his relationship with dad Larry. They know that their silence produced considerable speculation and acrimony. Fans and media members have taken shots and taken sides. The Sox tomorrow will present a united front. It still can work. The only unfortunate aspect is that the embers will smolder for years to come. We know too much now.

Dan Shaughnessy - the ultimate weathervane.

Rehash Radio - XI

Wash, rinse, repeat:

On now from 11-1 with @ZoandBertrand. Ready to riff on Red Sox and ping pong balls. These guys hate Clay Buchholz

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 17, 2016

Random Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Did I miss something, or is Shank going into a Cliff Clavin phase?

Detroit's Dick McAuliffe made the last out (doubleplay grounder) for the Tigers in 1967 -- a play that clinched the AL pennant for Red Sox..

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 17, 2016

UPDATE, 2:12 AM: Yup - I missed something that was staring me in the face. RIP, Dick.

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XXXVII

With a Democrat in the White House for the past seven years and four months, the Boston Globe suddenly seems concerned about the potential abuse of executive power at the Federal level:

Donald Trump says so many things that are offensive, incorrect, and dishonest that it is often impossible to keep up. In just the past few days, he’s flip-flopped on his tax position, his support for raising the minimum wage, and his so-called Muslim ban.
...
But there’s a good reason why Bezos might be concerned about Trump going after him, if he became president.

Trump said he would.

So, Trump flip-flops on a lot of subjects, but Cohen takes him at his word on this one? How convenient, as the Church Lady would say!

Previous of Cohen's columns do not indicate an interest in this subject prior to Trump's bashing of Bezos, naturally. Da Tech Guy has a partial list of various authoritarian presidential actions since January 2009, not including the most recent and most ridiculous, under the threat of losing Federal funding.

Nice schools ya got there - would be a shame was sumthin' to happen to it...

Luck Of The Irish

Danny Boy's wondering if the Celtics are going to get lucky tomorrow night, when the NBA holds its draft lottery:

The NBA Draft Lottery is Tuesday night and your Boston Celtics have a chance at the No. 1 pick in the entire draft.

OK, you’ve heard this one before, right?

The Celtics? The NBA Draft Lottery? They go together like peanut butter and . . . blast furnace slag cement. Like Dean Martin and . . . Jerry Trupiano.

Thus the tone of the column is set - inane references to other sports mishaps, ancient basketball stories and the retelling of past Celtics' draft lotteries gone bad, naturally bringing out the 'best' in Shank.

DHL Dan LIV - Pending?

Why do I get the feeling that one of these kind of columns is imminent? Because Shank needs something to regurgitate on Tuesday's 98.5 The Sports Hub appearance, that's why!

Keep On Trolling

Shank curses the Red Sox, who went on to lose last night.

Watching the Red Sox on this homestand is a lot like watching the UConn women's basketball team. Games are over early.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 13, 2016

LeBron Or Bust / Delusional Dan

Since the Red Sox are on a four game winning streak, Shank has been forced to 'write' about other subjects, including (surprise) his reminder that the Cleveland Cavaliers will win this year's NBA championship. He doesn't really believe it, though. He's just trying in vain to make up for the last time he pissed off an entire U.S. city. Otherwise, why would he contradict himself so many times in the same column?

How can you not root for Cavaliers to win it all?

Because the Golden State Warriors will run through them like crap through a goose?

These things I believe:

1. LeBron James is the best player in the NBA.
...
Let’s talk LeBron first. You all know that Stephen Curry was just named NBA MVP for the second straight year. Golden State’s sharpshooting guard was a unanimous pick. His team set the league record with 73 wins, and many expect the Warriors to win a second straight NBA title.
...
He still has some trouble closing and has won championships only twice in six appearances in the NBA Finals,
...
I will never understand the irrational LeBron hate that pollutes the sports landscape. Certainly “The Decision” was odious, and LeBron is a bit of a poseur, but he has done little to earn the hate that is showered on his huge head nightly.

Other than that, these statements were accurate!

Talk about the gall of Shank to half-lecture his readers about irrational hate - how many times has he taken a dump on the Kraft family, Bill Belichick, the Patriots, Claude Julien, the Bruins, or about two dozen current and former Red Sox players (just a partial list) over the past thirty years?

This year the Cavs are healthy. LeBron, Irving, and Love make for a nifty Big Three.

Are they playing any better than Steph Curry, Klay Thomson & Draymond Green?

They have the maniacal J.R. Smith and Channing Frye draining rainbow jumpers from international waters. Tristan Thompson is a rebounding robot. Iman Shumpert is a serviceable two-way player.

Look at the Warriors' bench - Shaun Livingston, Leandro Barbosa, Mo (Buckets) Speights, Festus Ezili, and Andre Iguodala. J.R. Smith's a headcase who can be counted on to screw the pooch at the worst possible time.

So, let's review - Lebron is, according to Shank, the best player, but...

But this is about the city of Cleveland more than it is about LeBron James or the Cleveland basketball team.

UPDATE, AT 4:40 PM - A commenter accuses Shank of plagiarizing last year's column of the same theme, where he writes, in part:

Sorry, I know many of you will find it hard to cheer for LeBron James. He’s a little full of himself, he has been a Celtics rival for many years, and he inspires a lot of irrational hatred for a guy who never really has done anything offensive other than stage an ill-conceived media event with Jim Gray.

.
Verdict - GUILTY!