DHL Dan LXV

It's the usual hodgepodge of uninspired crap, not even worth sampling here.

Bonus - Larry Bird sighting!

Reasons To Be Worried

A few things to note here - during the first quarter of the Patriots - Jets game, Shank tweeted 'beatdown of epic proportions' and '#73 - 0'. Today things are described quite differently.

EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — You have seen this game one million times. Maybe two million.

The Patriots struggle. The other team plays over its head. It looks like we might witness an upset loss for the team from Fort Foxborough. And then all the usual elements emerge and the Patriots cut out the hearts of their rivals. Tom Brady plays cool, flawless football down the stretch, the Patriots wait for the other guys to step on banana peels, and New England walks out of another enemy stadium with a hard-fought victory.

“It says a lot about our team,’’ Bill Belichick said Sunday night after the Patriots trumped the Jets, 22-17, at MetLife Stadium. “Their resiliency and mental toughness. How they execute under pressure. A lot of games in this league come down to the last series or the last plays or whatever it is. You battle it out for 59 mintues and it comes down to one or two plays . . . We’ve had a lot of those come up.’’

Now check out this paragraph (emphasis mine):

The Patriots beat you because they are smarter and tougher. They never take the apple. If you are from Buffalo, Miami, or the Meadowlands, they take away your will to live. They make the plays when the plays need to be made and they wait for you to tie your shoelaces together. Which you inevitably will do. It is all so predictable.

...says the columnist who predicted the exact opposite at the start of the game. Schmuck.

This is a year in which there are no great NFL teams, and in that spirit the Patriots are certainly in the Super Bowl hunt . . . but the Patriots hardly looked championship-driven for most of Sunday afternoon/evening in the Meadowlands. Those of us who trade in analysis and negativity will have much to chew on this week.

I think the Dallas Cowboys, currently at 10-1 and the Oakland Raiders, tied with the Patriots at 9-2, might have something to say about that. Does Shank expect the 1985 Bears or the 2000 Baltimore Ravens to be resurrected somehow? And when is the last time Shank offered up anything remotely resembling 'analysis'? At least he got the last part right about trading in negativity, him and his asshole colleague Ben Volin.

Can't wait to hear Shank regurgitate this column tomorrow morning with Bettle & Zolak - riveting radio, everyone!

UPDATE AT 8:00 PM - Minor spelling error corrected in the penultimate paragraph of this post.

Boston Globe Asshole Update - II

Isn't it interesting how Shank's stopped tweeting once the game got tight?

Boston Globe Asshole Update

This tweet went up a few minutes before Tom Brady tied the game at 10-10 as well as hitting 60,000 career passing yards:

Have to wonder if Patriots might be better off with Garoppolo at QB. Brady isn't right

— Ben Volin (@BenVolin) November 27, 2016

Would you mind letting the fucking guy play the entire game before you second guess him? Thanks.

Lack Of Knowledge

Now that the Jets have a 10-0 lead, let's note Shank isn't banging out any more smug tweets right now. He conveniently forgets to mention the recent history of close games between the two teams in order to keep peddling this bullshit.

Let The Stupid Tweets Begin! - II

Right on schedule...

Pats lose toss. Jets Defer. Eveyrbody is on to Bill now. But that's not going to help the Jets. #73-0.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 27, 2016

Let The Stupid Tweets Begin!

Hot off the hot take presses, everybody!

Patriots have their whole team today vs. moribund Jets. This should be a beatdown of epic proportion.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 27, 2016

What Do You Mean 'We', Kemosabe?

Shank continues to ride high atop the New England sports bandwagon (emphasis added here and there):

Be thankful, New England fans, for our bounty of success

You are a New England sports fan, and it’s Thanksgiving week, and there is so much for which to be thankful.

Ours truly is the best region for professional sports watching. The blessings are many. I was thinking of this back in October while watching the Cubs and Indians in their epic World Series. The Cubs hadn’t won a championship in 108 years and the Tribe are still sitting on a 68-year drought. The city of Cleveland went from 1964 until this year (Cavaliers over Warriors) without winning anything. And here in Boston we get agitated when the Bruins go two straight years without making the playoffs.

I'm pretty sure it's mostly Boston sportswriters and Michael Felger who get agitated when that happens.

In any event, the rest of the column's a good read and he makes a halfway convincing case, to the extent he avoids using 'I', 'we' and 'our' when discussing the local pro sports teams. We've' seen this sort of writing way too many times before from Shank to believe one word of it is sincere in any manner. We won't get fooled again.

There is one other thing that's been pissing me off for years:

The Patriots certainly play in a terrible division,

Compared to what? This is simply a lie that Shank keeps peddling because he doesn't have any editors that will call him on this, and I'm getting sick and fucking tired of having to keep pointing out the bloody fucking obvious. Go look at the records of all of the divisions this year. There are two divisions that have three teams at or above the .500 mark - the AFC East and the NFC East. In 2015 there was one division that met this criteria, and in 2014 four divisions met this criteria. In the past three years the AFC East seems to be the division that consistently comes up with the most wins, doesn't it?

You know what? I take the praise of this column back. Everything that guy just said, is bullshit! Thank you.

Bonus - No Larry Bird reference, but there is a Clive Rush reference!

UPDATE, 1:57 PM - On a second pass, this little bit of arrogant condescension jumped out:

...and management has a penchant for style-over-substance and pandering to Pink Hats,

Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't most of the people you see in the stands wearing pink hats... aren't they all women?

Why is the Boston Globe baseball section such a hotbed for misogynistic intolerance? Shame on you, Mr. Shaughnessy! Shame!

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XLIV

A month or so after Wikileaks ripped off the façade of 'objective journalism' as supposedly practiced by the Boston Globe and exposed collusion between the Boring Broadsheet and the Hillary Clinton campaign, Boston Globe editor Brian McGrory does his best attempt at damage control.

Hey all,

So the earth shook under us last week with Donald Trump’s stunning victory, raising all the questions you’ve heard and even asked about the inability (you spelt 'ignoring' wrong - ed) of the news media to see this coming. These are good questions, with no clear or clean answers, but what absolutely can’t be lost in our self-reflection is that we’re in a moment, an utterly pivotal moment, in which we matter more than ever (funny, your circulation numbers don't reflect it - ed) to our region and our loyal readership. It is not an overstatement to say that this is why we exist. And I don’t have even the slightest doubt that we will meet the challenge.

I do - want to put money on your ability to continue as a going concern, Brian? Say, Chapter 7 liquidation in five years?

To that end, I should say more publicly what I’ve told a lot of people in here privately over the past ten days: I’m intensely proud of our national and campaign coverage going back not just weeks and months, but years. You should be, too.

You were caught red handed colluding with a U.S. Presidential campaign. Are you Globies proud of that? Are you, Bruce Mo**?

Go read the rest of it if you want to be further insulted by this bow-tied bumkisser.

Dishonest To The Core - II

Here's Shank's actual second column on the Patriots - 49ers game on Sunday.

SANTA CLARA, Calif. — Tommy Brady. Homecoming King.

The New England Patriots Trumped (Trumped - get it? - ed) the moribund San Francisco 49ers, 30-17, at Levi’s Stadium Sunday and Brady — playing in front of family, friends, and Patriot Nation West for the first time in his 17-year career — led the way with 280 yards of completions, including four touchdown passes.

It was a sweet Sunday for the Patriot icon as he finally had a chance to show the locals what they missed when they passed on him (as did every other team for 5½ rounds) at the 2000 NFL Draft.

We watched three quarters of slippery, grinding football in a steady rain before the Patriots secured their victory with a pair of quick-strike touchdowns early in the fourth. With just over nine minutes left, a large portion of the Niners “home” crowd toasted QB12 with chants of “Bra-dy, Bra-dy”.

As the clocked ticked down toward 0:00, the sun broke through and a giant rainbow settled over the 49ers’ massive new stadium. Such are the powers of Tommy Brady. He can avoid the rush, throw on the run, make the rain stop, and the sun shine.

Laying it on a little thick, isn't he? That's when you know he's full of shit.

Dishonest To The Core

Dear New England Patriots Fans:

You saw those earlier tweets of mine when I called the 49ers tomato cans, then took it back minutes later, only to see the Patriots win convincingly in the second half? We're good now, right?

Your pal, Shank.

SANTA CLARA, Calif. — It was looking really good when the sun was peeking out and the “Brady” chants were raining down at Levi’s Stadium Sunday afternoon.

It was looking pretty dismal when the actual drops rained down during the quarterback’s homecoming.

Playing through a steady downpour in front of a half-empty stadium – it’s possible Junipero Serra High had more fans at its state playoff win over Saint Francis Friday night — the Patriots survived a rock fight with the 49ers, earning a 30-17 victory.

It felt a lot closer than that.

That it was, but not before Shank passed judgment on the Patriots multiple times, wrongly, before the game was even close to being finished.

Shank makes this critique far too easy with today's 'performance'. I'm surprised he didn't break both his ankles jumping off and back on the bandwagon while the game was being played. If you want to know what a complete unthinking, reactionary sports columnist looks like with not an original thing to say, who contradicts himself multiple times within the span of a few hours, here it is, in all it's lack of glory. Read it and weep, for the future of traditional sports 'journalism'.

UPDATE, 10:47 A.M. - I got the wrong link; this column was written by Jim McBride, not Shank. Both columns are of the same ilk, so the points above still stand.

He Would Know

Once again, the Patriots opponent quickly goes from Tomato Can to...

Wait . . . It's "bend, but don't break", right? Do I have that right.?
Nothing ever changes.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 20, 2016

With certain people, there's no pleasing them.

Predictable Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

Bet you never, ever heard this one before:

Pats call heads. Head it is. Pats defer. Game over.
Real Tomato Can today.
Seriously.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 20, 2016

Remember - he said the same thing last week, then backtracked about twenty minutes later.

Disingenuous Dan, Part LXV

Dear Tom:

Remember when I called you a cheater earlier this year?

We're good now, right? Mind if I rub your balls for a few minutes?

Sincerely,

Your Pal Shank

SAN FRANCISCO — Tom Brady’s handsome head must be about ready to explode inside his Flying Elvis football helmet.

How much is too much for one star athlete?

Brady is at the epicenter of everything. President-elect Donald Trump. Deflategate. Foot Locker. The rainforest. Gisele Bundchen. TB12 Nutrition.

Nobody hijacks bandwagons like Dan Shaughnessy.

Now That We've All Finished Dinner

... I can post this without inflicting vomiting on the reading audience :

Oh hey @Dan_Shaughnessy #TheGlobies pic.twitter.com/G4K4EG3NTJ

— Boston Globe Events (@globeevents) November 15, 2016

Tweets From The Boston Globe Bubble, By Dan Shaughnessy

Sorry, Shank - I was rearranging my sock drawer last night.

On now until 1:00 with Zo and Beetle @ZoandBertrand. Did not see either at Globies last night. What's up with that. Who misses Globies?

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 15, 2016

I Don't Know About You

...but I can't wait until Shank's next column, following this Patriots loss to the Seahawks...

They Were Tomato Cans Twenty Minutes Ago

I sure wish Shank could make up his mind - don't you?

Do I hear "Bend, but don't break"? That always works against crap teams. Until you get deep in the playoffs

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 14, 2016

The Unbearable Shank - II

With 1/8 of the game played, here is the Shank take so far:

Seahawks looking like one more tomato can

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 14, 2016

Can feel it. Pete getting ready to call slant pass on second and goal from the one

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 14, 2016

The Unbearable Shank

How soon do we see tweets about deferring the coin flip and double scores? Stay tuned for a decade-old hot take!