Second Guessing, By Dan Shaughnessy

Here's our man Shank, playing Monday morning quarterback:

It got lost in the shuffle, but Pete Carroll's decision to allow a home run pass play instead of a run play on 3rd-and-one after 2-min warning is what allowed the Patriots a chance to win. This is almost as dumb as the slant pass on the 1 in Super Bowl 49.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) September 21, 2020

Fortunately he does not do this all the time but in some respects I think this kind of commenting is irritating and pointless.

You Never Know

Shank sure called it last night:

With Bill Belichick opposing Pete Carroll, you just never know what will happen next

Sunday Night Lights.

Seahawks 35, Patriots, 30.

Clear eyes, heavy hearts, can’t win.

I don’t know about you, but I could watch these teams play one another for the next 14 weeks of the NFL regular season. It’s great fun to watch the 69-year-old Pete Carroll match wits with the 68-year-old Bill Belichick. The Seahawks have beaten the Patriots three times in four games since 2012, losing only the one that counted: Super Bowl XLIX.

This one went down to the final play of the night when Cam Newton was upended in front of the goal line as the clock ran out, denying the Patriots a last-second, come-from-behind victory. Down, 35-23, with less than three minutes to play, the Patriots seemed hopelessly out of this game, but roared back in the closing seconds — thanks in large part to yet another head-scratching play call by Carroll, who went for a home run when a 1-yard run would have iced the game after the two-minute warning.

I thought the Patriots were gonna get smoked, so even a loss in this situation's not too bad.

I Don't Know About You

...but I can't wait until Shank's next column, following this Patriots loss to the Seahawks...

They Were Tomato Cans Twenty Minutes Ago

I sure wish Shank could make up his mind - don't you?

Do I hear "Bend, but don't break"? That always works against crap teams. Until you get deep in the playoffs

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 14, 2016

The Unbearable Shank - II

With 1/8 of the game played, here is the Shank take so far:

Seahawks looking like one more tomato can

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 14, 2016

Can feel it. Pete getting ready to call slant pass on second and goal from the one

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 14, 2016

Super Bowl XLIX - Wrapup

It must have killed Shank to write this column:

GLENDALE, Ariz. — There. New England football fans have the ultimate validation of the Patriot Way.

The Patriots once again established that they win because they are smarter, more clutch, and better than everybody else. Nothing less. Super Bowl XLIX was an homage to the Hoodie. For the first time in 10 years, the Patriots are champions of the football world, and no one can take that from them.

Like that would stop Shank from making an unfunny reference to...

In a wild game that had everything, the Patriots rallied from a 10-point deficit (it would have deflated most teams) with less than eight minutes remaining and defeated the Seattle Seahawks, 28-24, Sunday night at University of Phoenix Stadium.

But at least he manages to write about the game itself, so that's an improvement. of sorts.

Thoughts on Everything ... But the Game Itself

The penultimate Super Bowl column is one The CHB could have written in his sleep -- and probably did.

A recap of the events of the past two weeks, including the requisite nod toward ex Pats coach Pete Carroll (and -- who else? -- Bob Kraft), Spygate, David Tyree, Deflategate, and whether the Patriots are cheaters. Oh, and the "L" word: Legacy, as if winning three Super Bowls would somehow be diminished if they fail to capture a fourth. (Keep in mind that Tom Brady is the only Patriot remaining who was on that first Lombardi Trophy winner.)

How much of this has anything to do with tonight's game? Zero, zip, nil. But that's also what The CHB knows about football, and he has to fill his column with something, so as long as the Globe pays him for shit, where's the incentive to produce anything else?

Circus Comes To Town

Guess who's in Glendale, Arizona? It's some white guy with his left arm in a sling:

Dan, Dan, the Stats Can

The CHB mocks Peyton Manning and dances on the still-warm bodies of the Denver Broncos, and today's hit job offers a little something for everyone, whether they were at the game or not.

• Patriots fans are "yahoos."
• Roger Goodell is "lucky."
• Chris Christie blocks traffic. 
• And the AFC is the alternately the "Powder Puff Conference" and the "Tomato Can Conference." 

Let's focus on this last insult, shall we, since it's been a favorite Shank refrain all season.

In fact, the NFC "manhandled" (sarcasm intended) the AFC during the regular season, beating them in head-to-head games by an "overwhelming" (more sarcasm) 34-30 mark.

Oddly, in fact, only one NFC division -- the NFC West -- had a winning record against the AFC. Meanwhile, three AFC teams -- the Raiders, Texans and Jaguars -- each went 0-4 against their NFC counterparts. In short, the AFC's three weakest sisters were the difference.

Two AFC teams went undefeated against the NFC, and vice versa. And of the 12 teams that lost one or fewer non-conference games, it was split evenly at six AFC and six NFC.

So much for tomato cans.

It would have been relevant, if wholly out of character, had Shank mentioned the Broncos offensive line, which apparently was stuck in traffic and never made it to the game. But that would require 1) some football knowledge and awareness and 2) him to write his column without the benefit of five or eight hours of crushing beers in the "Seinfeldesque" press box. Not. Gonna. Happen.