DHL Dan CCLXXXIII - Tom Terrific II?

That's where Shank seems to be heading with this week's Picked Up Pieces column:

Will second-year QB Drake Maye do for the Patriots what Tom Brady did 24 years ago? And other thoughts.

Picked-up pieces while waiting for Sunday night’s kickoff at Gillette . . .

⋅ It was 24 years ago in a January snowstorm, and New England’s kid quarterback was a complete unknown, playing his first playoff game, a weekend, prime-time special against a West Coast team that came into the league in 1960, same year as the Boston Patriots. The New England Patriots of 2001 hadn’t won a playoff game in four years, and no one knew what to expect from a quarterback who was only two years out of college.

The Patriots won that night, beating the hated Raiders, 16-13, in overtime — the final game in the history of old Schaefer/Sullivan/Foxboro Stadium — and the next day’s Boston Globe featured a Page 1 story by yours truly, which started, “With wonderboy Tom Brady at the controls, the Patriots magic bus rolled on a carpet of packed powder last night. It appears the football gods won’t stop pushing this team until it arrives in New Orleans for Super Bowl XXXVI.”

Moronic hyperbole, for sure. Only a dope truly believed that Brady and the 2001 Patriots were bound for the franchise’s first Super Bowl victory.

Here we are almost a quarter of a century later, and the Patriots are sending 23-year-old Drake Maye — two years out of college — out to face the Chargers on “Sunday Night Football” at Gillette Stadium. It’ll be the first playoff game of Maye’s young career and it’s hard to know what to expect from a kid who might end up being MVP of the NFL for 2025.

DHL Dan CCXXXVII - Staying In The Past

Kind of sensing a theme with these last two columns...

It’s still weird, five seasons post-Brady, to be on the outside looking in during NFL playoffs, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while reminding myself that nobody knows anything when it comes to betting on the NFL playoffs …

▪ Five seasons into our post-Brady world, it’s still weird to be on the outside looking in during the NFL’s biggest weekends of the year.

I still have flashbacks of walking across the sprawling acres surrounding Arrowhead Stadium en route to the AFC Championship game in January 2019. Eyeballing thousands of festive/frozen Heartland fans, many barbecuing ribs and blissfully boasting about how they were going to beat the Patriots, I remember thinking, “Poor dopes and losers. These people have no idea what they’re in for. They think they’re Super Bowl-bound, but they don’t stand a chance. Something hideous will happen to their team at the end of this game and the Pats will prevail.”

Sure enough, that’s how it went. What appeared to be a game-losing Tom Brady interception in the final minute of regulation was negated because Chiefs pass rusher Dee Ford lined up offside. Ford’s transgression had no bearing on the turnover, but it gave the Patriots the ball back. Naturally, Brady tied the game, then won it in overtime when … you guessed it … the Chiefs lost the coin flip and never touched the football.

Read on for unsurprising digs at - you guessed it - Robert Kraft. Talk about never letting go!

Tom Brady's Retirement

Thoughts about Tom's second retirement from the Shankster:

This time, we believe him: Tom Brady is done, and the moment is right

Tom Brady has retired.

Again.

This time, for sure.

I know we went through this last year. And then Tom un-retired 40 days after he retired. He came back and played another season, and we know there are still plenty of owners and coaches who would hire Brady to come back from this retirement.

But this time I believe him. That short, stunning Twitter video that interrupted our breakfast Wednesday looked genuine. Sincere. Heartfelt. Tom presented as a gaunt superstar in distress, resolving a midlife crisis that’s been eating at him while he has stopped eating. Tom looked very much like a man who needs to shut it down.

I hope that stays the case; I don't want to go through the Breet Favre routine again.

DHL Dan CLV - Time For Tom To Retire

I think Shank means it this time:

A plea for Tom Brady to retire for good this time, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while waiting for Brett Maher’s first extra-point attempt against the 49ers Sunday …

▪ Please, Tom Brady.

Just stop.

Enough already.

You’ve proven your point.

You played at the top level till you were 45, just as you pledged all those years ago. You hold all the records and you’ve won everything there is to win. You’re Michael Jordan, Tom Cruise, and Benjamin Button. You gave us so much joy here in New England for all those years and we can never thank you enough.

But here’s hoping you don’t succumb to the hubris and neediness of getting back out there with yet another team next year. There’s no need to try to do this again with Josh and the Raiders. The 49ers and Dolphins are pretty much set, thank you, and we all know you can’t come home again.

A half-century in this biz has taught me that it’s not up to media, or fans, to dictate when a player should retire, and I’m pretty sure you are determined to keep playing, but anyone who truly cares about you would tell you that it’s probably time to stop.

Encouraging Useless Debate

Okay - I know that the headline and the subject of this blog makes for a redundancy, but to some extent so are comparisons like this one:

It’s time to revisit the Belichick vs. Brady scoreboard

Team Bill is trending up. Team Tom is trending down.

Wonder how this is all going to end for Bill Belichick and Tom Brady.

We’ve been keeping score of Team Bill vs. Team Tom since the final days of the 2019 Patriots season when a restless Brady threw tantrums, made faces, and said he was unhappy as the Patriots marched toward another AFC East title and a first-round playoff defeat.

Belichick said little, as usual, and had nothing at all to say on St. Patrick’s Day 2020, when Tom announced he was taking his talents to Tampa Bay.

We have been tracking their successes and failures ever since, and Team Tom has been the easy winner in just about every exit poll. Tom won another Super Bowl in his first year without Bill while Bill endured Cam Newton and didn’t even make the playoffs.

For more than two years, it’s been Team Tom in a rout. Brady’s success without Belichick advanced a narrative that New England’s dynasty was more about Tom than it was about Bill. Tom Toadies and many Patriot fans love to announce that Head Coach Bill never won a Super Bowl without Quarterback Tom. Bill’s record with and without Brady has been highlighted, and the numbers are a lowlight for the vaunted coach.

If you want to know when to stop reading this dreck, go forth a few more paragraphs until you run into this crap:

Meanwhile, Belichick has his upstart Patriots back to 3-3 and has discovered a fourth-round, third-string rookie quarterback named Elvis (Bailey) Zappe.

DHL Dan CXXXIV - Cutting No Slack

Shank seems to be a tad upset with Tom Brady today:

This time, Tom Brady shouldn’t get any slack, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while suggesting that our leaders find a more prominent spot for the Bill Russell statue . . .

▪ Tom Brady is a great football player and put the Patriots on the map.

He is also proof that winning a lot of championships cuts you slack forever in this town.

Brady turned 45 this past week while working out in Tampa, trying to win his eighth Super Bowl. On the day before his birthday, we learned that Tom was talking to the Miami Dolphins — angling his way out of Boston — before he even started his 20th and final season with the Patriots in 2019. Throughout the ‘19 season, Brady was actively working on his next gig while he was playing for the Patriots.

Beyond weak. Phony. A betrayal. Hard to forgive.

One thing potentially missing from this diatribe - given it was Brady's final season with the Patriots, was Brady at the point where he knew he was on the outs with the team? That might be a mitigating factor in all of this, no?

When all this came out, the Dolphins were docked a first-round draft pick (and a third) and slapped with a $1.5 million fine for tampering violations. Owner Stephen Ross was suspended for six games.

Brady got nothing … just like in an NFL game in 2022. You can’t touch the golden boy quarterback, which — avocado ice cream aside — is the biggest reason Brady can keep playing at this level at 45.

So it has nothing to do with Brady's training regimen? You decide if Shank's ignorant of this fact or deliberately ignoring it to make this point.

Brady’s integrity takes a well-deserved hit. You have to be a true sycophant/fanboy to dismiss this one. We know for a fact that while he was performing and pouting with the 2019 Patriots, he was scheming to join one of their hated division rivals.

He later did the same two-faced thing in Tampa; his “retirement” was merely a ruse to get him to a player/ownership role in Miami. The scam was foiled when Brian Flores filed his discrimination lawsuit against the Dolphins and Brady had no choice but to slink back to the Bucs, but not without first getting his coach (Bruce Arians) fired. For all these years, we’ve heard about how team-guy Tom took pay cuts to help the Patriots. In the end, it was just the opposite.

How is all of this OK with you, Boston? Your guy was mentally checked out of Foxborough in his last Patriot season. A lot of Patriot fans are still angry at Bill Parcells for talking to the Jets while he was taking the Patriots to a Super Bowl. The Tuna had a much better reason for leaving (stabbed in the back on draft day by Bob Kraft) than Brady. How is Parcells a traitor but Brady is OK?

This is another non sequitur - you can believe Parcells isn't a traitor, or that Brady is regardless of your opinion on Parcells. I think Shank's forcing things here so he can keep taking shots at Brady.

DHL Dan CXXIV - Off The Brady Bandwagon Again

Shank's a bit put off with Tom Brady's offseason antics:

Tom Brady is making it impossible to root for him anymore, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while packing for Opening Day at Yankee Stadium …

▪ Nothing is ever enough for Tom Brady. It’s not sufficient to be the GOAT, the seven-time Super Bowl champ, the most handsome, most pliable, greatest 44-year-old starting quarterback anyone has ever seen.

He also has to be CEO, general manager, and head coach of his team.

Brady erased Bruce Arians from the Tampa landscape Wednesday, orchestrating the retirement of a coach who occasionally pushed back. Arians will be replaced by Todd Bowles, an estimable football mind who no doubt will let Tom run the Buccaneers for the foreseeable future. I expect Alex Guerrero to be named Tampa’s team doctor any minute.

Brett Favre 2.0?

It seems like Tom Terrific isn't officially off the retirement list:

We just said goodbye to Tom Brady, and he’s already talking about a comeback?

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water …

Tom Brady is already talking about a comeback.

Sheesh. Does it ever stop with this guy? Is there no end to his hunger for attention? His need to be loved and admired?

C’mon, Tom. We just said goodbye and already you want to have us at hello. Couldn’t this have waited a few more weeks or months? Maybe until after the Super Bowl and the draft? Maybe after the 2022 schedule comes out? Maybe after Jimmy G leaves the Niners?

Tom lit his comeback fuse Monday on the public platform where he delivers many of his other important messages — the “Let’s Go” podcast, Brady’s annoying weekly SiriusXM show with Jim Gray.

Jim Gray's the annoying one there but god damn, I don't like this any more than Shank does, and that makes me nervous.

The Tom Brady Retirement Column

Dear Tom:

Remember all those negative columns I wrote about you during Deflategate (and others) and I wound up calling you a cheatin' bastard?

We're good now, right?

Thanks,

Your Pal Shank

Tom Brady goes down as the greatest athlete in the storied history of Boston sports

Old-timers (like myself) still carry a torch for the celebrated likes of Bill Russell, Ted Williams, and Bobby Orr. But the truth is that Tom Brady clinched the trophy three years ago when he won his sixth Super Bowl for the Patriots at the age of 41.

Brady, who announced his retirement Tuesday morning, goes down as the greatest athlete in the long, storied history of Boston sports.

Russell forever will be our most prodigious winner: 11 championships in 13 seasons. Teddy Ballgame was the greatest hitter who ever lived. Orr is the best to ever lace up skates.

But Tom Brady is Boston’s Zeus … A-No. 1 … Top of the List … King of the Hill … Capo di Tutti Capi of all who played sports for New England teams.

A Tale Of Two Snow Games

Today is the 20th anniversary of the New England Patriots / Oakland Raiders playoff game, which has a few nicknames. Here's Shank (who was at that game):

Latest drive home ever. Pulled into driveway at 3 am and Sunday Globe with photo and page 1 story plopped on snowy porch 3 hours later. A miracle. https://t.co/VxwcGVdz9l

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) January 19, 2022

And now for my sad story. I had two buddies going to the game with a third ticket and I turned them down. I was then watching the game alone at my house, saw Brady fumble lose the ball, and promptly went to bed when it happened, thinking it was a fumble. Imagine my surprise the next morning!

The other two 'no, thanks' I wish I had a chance to do over again - not going to the Channel for Roy Orbison's last show and the same for the Foo Fighters first tour, playing on Lansdowne Street.

Brady Beats Belichick

Shank wraps up last night's awesome game between the Bucs and the Patriots:

Tom Brady’s return to Foxborough had everything, and as usual, he came out on the winning end

Bill Russell never came back to the parquet floor to play against Red Auerbach. Bobby Orr never skated on Boston Garden ice against the Bruins.

But Tom Brady returned to Gillette Stadium as quarterback of the World Champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers Sunday and beat his sideline Svengali, Bill Belichick, 19-17, in a rain-soaked, wildly entertaining football game that was not decided until Nick Folk’s 56-yard field goal attempt doinked off the left upright with less than a minute to play.

It was at once biblical, amazing, weird, and somewhat unnatural. Seeing Brady beat the Patriots was like seeing Paul McCartney and Wings playing the Cavern Club in Liverpool. Brady was a pedestrian 22 of 43 passing for 269 yards and no touchdown passes.

Disingenuous Column Premise Time

With a much anticipated football game less then two weeks away, Shank's revving up the hype early and is back on the Tom Brady bandwagon:

Tom Brady is better at 44 than he was at 24, and it’s amazing

It’s the only thing we’re going to be talking about a week from now, so let’s get ahead of it and state the obvious: Tom Brady is coming to Foxborough Oct. 3 and it’s going to be the most in-your-face moment in the storied history of New England sports.

Bill Belichick was wrong. Bob Kraft was wrong. I certainly was wrong. Brady not only has left us and thrived — winning another Super Bowl last year while the Patriots didn’t make the playoffs — but he will return to Gillette Stadium as a 44-year-old professional athlete playing the best football of his career.

I give up. Bill and Bob have to give up, too. Brady in 2021 is better than he was in 2007 when the Patriots went 18-0. He is better than he was when he was on the Deflategate revenge tour. He is better than he was in his 20s or his 30s. In this, his 22nd NFL season, he is better than he has ever been.

This here link is just a reminder of all the times Shank has said, shall we say, less then flattering things about his newly found man crush.

DHL Dan CL - Conflating Dates

I'm not sure what muddled message is being delivered here:

Oct. 3 could be notable not just for Tom Brady’s return, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while wondering why needy “Mr. Kraft” needs to commute to Patriots practice via helicopter …

Maybe because he can? Sounds like someone's still butthurt about a certain snub from decades ago.

▪ Sunday, Oct. 13, 2013, was one of the great days in New England sports history. As fans filled Fenway Park for a critical evening playoff game with Dave Dombrowski’s Tigers, folks watching TVs at the ballpark saw the Patriots rally from a 27-23 deficit in the final minute against Drew Brees and the undefeated Saints at Gillette Stadium. With no timeouts left, Tom Brady marched the Patriots 70 yards, winning the game with five seconds remaining on a 17-yard touchdown pass to Kenbrell Thompkins.

A few hours later at the Fens, with the Sox trailing, 5-1, in the eighth, David Ortiz crushed a tying grand slam into the Red Sox bullpen as Tigers outfielder Torii Hunter went ass-over-teakettle in a futile quest for the catch. The Sox went on to square the AL Championship Series with a 6-5 win and ultimately won the World Series.

Fast-forward eight years and circle Sunday, Oct. 3, on your calendars.

I'm pretty sure one of these dates is not like the other. I see crap like that and it makes me not want to read further; your mileage may vary.

Bandwagon Dan Comes Alive!

The NFL schedule came out a few days ago. Shank once again rips off the Felger & Mazz show from Thursday and gives us this column:

We’ve known that this moment was coming. Now we know exactly when.

Tom Brady and the Super Bowl champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers will be in Foxborough Sunday night, Oct. 3, to play the Patriots on NBC’s “Sunday Night Football.”

Save-the-date cards are in the mail. Oct. 3 is circled on every New England calendar. Alerts are set on cellphones. Days off from work are being scheduled for Monday, Oct. 4. Game tickets are going for one million dollars. Steve Burton and Dan Roche are planning to live in a trailer on Patriot Place for the week leading up to the game, delivering live “Tom is Back” updates three times per hour.

You know the rest - more forced 'jokes', inane comparisons with other local sporting events, etc. The only things missing are 'Sons of Bill Belichick' and an Elvis / Larry Bird reference.

Still Debatable

With Tom Brady winning his seventh Super Bowl on Sunday, the debate about him being the GOAT got going almost immediately. Here's Shank's contribution to the conversation:

Tom Brady, the greatest winner ever in sports? Not so fast

We have ceded almost all platitudes. Tom Brady is the best quarterback and greatest football player ever. Better than Johnny Unitas, Peyton Manning, Lawrence Taylor, or Jim Brown.

He is chiseled on our New England Rushmore alongside Ted Williams, Bobby Orr, and Bill Russell. Nobody else is close. Sorry, Larry Bird. And please don’t bring David Ortiz into the conversation (”Ooh, but Papi has three rings and Williams has zero.” Curtis Leskanic has a ring. Was he better than Carl Yastrzemski?).

Events of Sunday night have brought us to a predictable place. And now we wonder if Brady has supplanted Russell as the greatest of all the greats. Is Brady the greatest winner in sports history? Better than Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth, Wayne Gretzky, Gordie Howe, and LeBron James? Better than Jim Thorpe and Serena Williams? Better than Tiger and Jack? Better than Ali? Better than Secretariat?

Or Formula One greats Michael Schumacher and Lewis Hamilton, and you could throw in Pele and Lionel Messi for good measure.

I’m saying no. Let’s not rush to judgment based on Sunday night’s sugar high.

Brady is closing the gap, but this debate still starts and ends with Russell, the man won two NCAA championships, an Olympic gold medal, and 11 NBA championships in 13 seasons. At the age of 43, Brady just won his seventh Super Bowl in his 21st season. It’s truly unbelievable, especially in an age of parity, salary caps, four rounds of playoffs, and a 32-team league. But it does not make him a greater winner than Russell.

You think it’s a big deal that Bruce Arians let Brady help coach the Buccaneers? Swell. Russell actually coached the Celtics to two championships while he was busy being their best player.

I called around to make sure this is not just me. I spoke with four people who have seen a lot.

I'm in agreement with Russell still holding the crown, but being a cyclist I can make a solid argument in favor of Eddy Merckx; just look at this guy's resume - eleven Grand Tour wins, former hour record holder (average speed / distance covered - 31 miles / MPH) and won a grand total of 525 bike races. It's estimated that he won thirty percent of the races he's ever entered.

Two things make the whole column better - Shank actually did some serious work with this column and he lets the four (Ernie Accorsi, Bob Cousy, Bob Ryan and Richard Johnson) take over the column from here. It's definitely worth a read.

Scoreboard

You just knew Shank would use the win by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday to bash the Patriots, didn't you?

Final score: Tom Brady 1, Patriots 0

The headline says it all...

Forty-three-year old Tom Brady is going to the Super Bowl.

In the immortal words of Bob Lobel, “Why can’t we get players like that?’'

All precincts have reported and it’s official: Brady has beaten Bill Belichick and Bob Kraft in a landslide. Ten months after leaving New England because the Patriots were done with him, Brady showed the world he’s still got the goods. The Patriots, who had no real plan to replace their quarterback, finished 7-9 and out of the playoffs. Meanwhile, Brady is going to his 10th Super Bowl; with the clown car Tampa Bay Buccaneers, no less.

This is like seeing the Red Sox dump Mookie Betts in the name of payroll flexibility, then watching Betts win the World Series after the Sox finish last.

Ouch! I bet he's been saving that line for months now. In any event, you and I know this new found love and appreciation for Tom Brady is world class hypocrisy, wrapped in bullshit. Let's take a look at recent history, shall we?

First up - September 30, 2014 - The Kansas City Massacre::

By the end of the night, the darts and arrows were coming from every direction. Bill Belichick was grilled about his musical-chair offensive line and the notion of starting two rookies in front of Brady in a loud enemy theater. The coach was asked if he might have to “evaluate” his quarterback position; the question from CSNNE’s Mike Giardi elicited a smirk with no comment. There were hysterical calls for out-of-work Charlie Weis to replace Josh McDaniels as offensive coordinator. Darrelle Revis was compared to Carl Crawford (OK, that one was me). It was noted that no Belichick defense had ever surrendered 300 yards in a first half. There was a television graphic explaining that the Patriots offense ranks last in the NFL, averaging 4.6 yards per play. We were told that Brady has missed his target more than 25 percent of the time.

July 28, 2015 - Deal With It - Brady's A Cheater:

In a 20-page decision that was released at 2:32 p.m. Tuesday, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell upheld Tom Brady's four-game Deflategate suspension. In the day's most shocking revelation, the commissioner revealed that Brady ordered his assistant to destroy his cellphone on the same day (March 6) Brady was interviewed by NFL investigator Ted Wells. Brady did not disclose this development for several months and it was not confirmed until the day of his suspension appeal hearing, June 23.

What do you say now, Patriot fans? Still think the NFL is out to get the Patriots? Still think Tom Brady is clean? Still think this is a witch hunt?

Of course you do. And that is why at a time when you should be embarrassed, you are probably emboldened.

Please. Give up. It's time for local loyalists to parachute down from Planet Patriot and get in touch with reality. Stop twisting yourselves into knots to justify the petty crimes and coverups of the Patriots and their quarterback.

January 3, 2017 - The Patriots Only Win Because Everybody Else Sucks:

Am I the only one?

Is there anybody else out in Patriot Nation who’d like to see the Patriots in a competitive, thrilling playoff game? You know . . . a game where the outcome is in doubt before Hoodie defers on the coin toss?

Guess not. The Patriots are going to get to the AFC Championship game without a serious test of their considerable abilities

February 28, 2020 - Please Go Away, Tom:

I just want it to be over.

And I officially am hoping Tom Brady leaves the Patriots.

Sorry.

I want Tom to go because his history-making time has run its course here. I like sports drama, and it would be a much better story if Tom goes to a new team. I’d like to see what Bill Belichick can do without Brady. I’d like to see what Brady can do for the Los Angeles/Tampa Bay/Tennessee Bradys.

And, with any further Tom Brady guile, luck and / or winning ability, Shank will have one more convenient column that he'll milk into a few more so he can take shots at the Patriots until Draft Day.

Who Loves Ya, Baby? - II

In light of Tom Brady making his 14th NFL conference championship game this coming Sunday against the Green Bay Packers, Shank recounts all of them:

Tom Brady is going to Green Bay on Sunday to play in his 14th conference championship game. This will be his first NFC title joust. Brady’s original 13 were played when he was a New England Patriot, and he won nine. Here’s a thumbnail history of Brady’s conference championship games with the Patriots:

▪ 2002 at Pittsburgh. W, 24-17. Brady’s first, and the only one he didn’t complete. The Patriots were underdogs on the road, and Brady came out of the game early with a sprained ankle after he was was taken down by Steelers defensive back Lee Flowers.

Drew Bledsoe, who had been The Franchise, threw a touchdown pass to David Patten almost immediately and managed the game the rest of the way.

Other Than That, How Was The Game Shank?

It seems that Shank didn't like certain aspects of last night's game between the Rams and the Buccaneers:

Vomit-inducing: randy moss interviewing Gronk for MNF. Why not Deion Sanders and Antonio brown? Hate-watch is underway

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 24, 2020

I think we all know that Brady’s greatest weapon in 2020 is pass interference

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 24, 2020

Brady gets away with another fumble that’s not called. What a joke

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) November 24, 2020

A Love-Hate Relationship, Explained

If it weren't for the fact that there's always a losing team, Shank would have nothing to write about.

This pithy comment tells you almost all you need to know about the mindset of Dan Shaughnessy. Most people watch sports because they enjoy sports. Then there's this guy:

A different kind of love-hate relationship: Rooting against Tom Brady, LeBron James, the Lakers, and the Astros

The older I get, the longer this pandemic goes, the more I love to hate-watch.

How many of you are surprised at this revelation?

I’m not talking about CNN, Fox News, or the debates. That’s easy. Everybody hate-watches that stuff. I’m talking sports.

With the Bruins, Celtics, and Red Sox all done, and the Patriots barely playing once a week, the daily sports hate-watch has become my sustenance. It’s a reason to go on living. It’s one of my four major food groups.

Makes one wonder what the other three are...

Thursday night was hate-watch heaven. We got to see Tom Brady smiling through the pregame, telling everybody again how it was time to leave New England. Tom wanted warm weather and more fun. Swell.

Then we watched the Buccaneers commit a million penalties in a 20-19 loss to the Chicago Bears. Even better, we saw 2020 Tompa Tom looking like 2019 pouty Tom in New England. Brady yelled at his teammates. He was Mr. Frowny Face all night long. When it was over, he ran off the field without acknowledging the Bears’ Nick Foles, a pedestrian QB with a habit of beating Brady.

That's enough negative bullshit for me - go ahead and read the rest, if youre into self-flaggelation.

Scoreboard Shaughnessy

Is this Shank's new thing for the 2020 football season?

Bill Belichick 1.

Tom Brady 0.

We are only one week into a 16-game season, but Belichick on Sunday took an early lead in the silent, subliminal spitting contest regarding who was most responsible for the greatest sports dynasty of the 21st century.

It was business as usual for Belichick as the Patriots beat the Dolphins, 21-11, at Gillette. With no Brady, no fans, and no help from eight players who opted out because of COVID-19, the Pats beat the Fish easily. Belichick is still the greatest coach of all time, the Dolphins are still Tomato Cans, and New England’s new quarterback Cam Newton is a pretty good runner. The Pats are 1-0 in the coronavirus era.

You know the rest from there - boring game recaps we've read (or avoided) for decades now.