Fair Weather Dan Blows Hard

The Patriots go 12-4 and win their division. So naturally, The CHB today mocks their success.

Makes sense, no?

Going into this AFC playoff matchup with the Baltimore Ravens,  The CHB seems to think the Pats should be intimidated. "For once, it’s not likely to be a matter of the Patriots just showing up and watching their opponents vomit on their own cleats."

When, exactly, does this happen? The AFC East won a collective 33 games this season. That's less than the North (38), but same as the West and eight more than the South. So how was the East any more of a cakewalk than any other division? Poor Shank: addition is hard.

No, this is The CHB's annual playoff rite: setting up the straw man so he can blow it down.

He writes about Baltimore's front seven, implying they will get to Brady, ignoring that the Patriots faced the Bills twice (no. 1 in sacks), Chiefs (no. 5) Jets twice (no. 6), Lions (no. 8) Broncos, Packers and Colts (tied for 9), and annihilated most of those teams. Only three teams allowed fewer sacks than the Pats did. Like a good fair weather fan, he's been alternating between pumping them up or writing about their demise all season.

Also today: Obligatory references to an impotent Bob Kraft; Bill Belichick deferring after the coin toss; and soup cans (weak opponents). There's nothing on football, but really, we don't have any right to expect that, do we?

Texans Redux

Now that the Patriots / Texans game is in the books, here are some questions I'll pose about Shank's next column. These are not mutually exclusive questions.

* Will he be his usual, insufferable self after correctly calling the outcome of this game? Monkeesfan, let us know what he says on the Gresh & Zolak show tomorrow or Tuesday!

* Will he dump on the Texans, and Houston / Houston fans in general, one more time?

* Will he dump on Bill Belichick because Rob Gronkowski reinjured his forearm and is out for the rest of the season?

* Will he have the balls to trash talk Baltimore and Ray Lewis like he did Houston and Arian Foster?

A Leap Too Far

The CHB's wrapup of the Patriots-Ravens matchup Sunday night has all the color and life of a plate of tripe.

Put another way, there's nothing but nothing there. Of course, he does manage to work in the obligatory gratituous shot at the Red Sox:

"Walking past Camden Yards on the way to M & T Bank Stadium, I had flashbacks from last Sept. 28 when the Red Sox melted into a puddle of sorrow in the shadows of Eutaw Street."

Reading this column, I had flashbacks to pretty much every run-of-the-mill, mailed-in piece The CHB has ever written. Not a happy place to be.