Finished Business

The 2023 Boston Celtics lost Game 7 of the Eastern Conference finals last night in painful fashion. When a local sports team exits the playoffs, Shank is all over them and this one is no exception:

Celtics’ loss to Heat in Game 7 was a meltdown of epic proportions in Boston sports

There have been some stink bombs detonated by Boston teams in big games throughout the decades.

This may have been the most foul of all.

On a postcard-perfect Memorial Day, with the entire region braced for an 0-3 comeback that would mirror what those Curse-busting Red Sox did 19 years ago, the poser Celtics submitted a woeful Game 7 effort in the Eastern Conference finals and were thrashed by the so-much-mentally-tougher, eighth-seeded Miami Heat, 103-84, Monday night at the Garden.

So there. The Green Team’s spring of “Unfinished Business” is officially finished. And, sadly, the only takeaway is that your 2022-23 Celtics were front-running frauds. I mean, did they really deserve another trip to the Finals after the way they played with their food all year?

Don’t take it from me. Listen to NBA Hall of Famer Charles Barkley. At halftime of this embarrassment, Chuck told the TNT audience, “Watching these dumbass Celtics play is making my head hurt … It’s so bad to watch them play. There’s no ball movement, there’s no body movement, and its frustrating watching a team with this much talent just play stupid.’’

You can always tell one thing by the way this column starts out - when a local pro sports team is at its worst, Shank's at his best.

A Rip Job In The Making

Spotted at the Boston Garden last night:

I can’t wait. pic.twitter.com/6AwVn7sl3b

— Tucker Silva (@TuckSilva) May 30, 2023

Two Ways To Make History

Sounds like Shank's about to hop back on the bandwagon, doesn't it?

Instead of being history, the Celtics have a real chance to make history after dominating Heat in Game 5

It’s been building since they took back the night in the second half of Game 4 in Miami, and now it feels very real. The Boston Celtics are halfway home to a return to the NBA Finals.

One hundred and fifty NBA teams have tried, and 150 have failed, but your Celtics think they can become the first team in league history to recover from a 3-0 playoff deficit. The Celtics blew the roof off the Causeway Street gym Thursday, bolting to a 17-point first-quarter lead, pushing it to 24 in the fourth, and running the Heat out of town in with a wire-to-wire 110-97 Game 5 victory.

Shank's very familiar with the concept of running things out of town.

Anything Can Happen

The Boston Celtics won Game 4 of the Eastern Conference finals last night to give them some hope. Naturally, Shank brings up an event from nine years ago:

Celtics got their first win over Heat, and Kevin Millar knows anything can happen now

MIAMI — What now? Does Kevin Millar come to the Garden Thursday with a bottle of Jack Daniel’s?

It’s only one game, but the Celtics crawled out of a hole Tuesday and finally beat the Heat, 116-99, to stay alive in their Eastern Conference final series. Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez were at the game and I’m hoping some wiseguy asked The Captain if he believes a team from Boston can win four straight after trailing, three games to none.

Between now and Thursday, the Celtics and their fans will be reminding everyone that the Red Sox turned that trick against the Yankees in 2004.

They shouldn't, but they just might do so.

When the Celtics were annihilated in Game 3 Sunday, Millar knew his phone was going to blow up.

“I get requests for hockey teams, high school teams, you name it,” he said Monday. “I had to do one for Chad Bradford [Millar’s teammate with the Sox in ‘05] the other day. He called me and said, ‘Hey, buddy, haven’t seen you in a while. Need you to make a call for me to inspire a team I’m coaching. Can you send ‘em a message?’

“Until somebody else does it, that clip lives forever and it gets used for any team that gets down, 3-0.”

And now for the fun part:

...

“That clip” refers to Millar’s maniacal message of optimism that was beautifully captured in ESPN’s 30 for 30 documentary, “Four Days in October."

Millar was wired for sound as he bounced around Fenway in the hours before Game 4 of the 2004 ALCS. The Sox had been savaged, 19-8, at Fenway one night earlier and trailed in the series, 3-0. But Millar was upbeat, telling everyone, “Don’t let us win this game. Don’t count the Sox out. It never happened in the history of baseball, but if there’s a group of idiots that can do it, it’s us."

He was eager to talk with me that night because I’d written that the Sox were in danger of being remembered as a “pack of frauds” if they got broomed by the Yankees.

Disgraceful

That's the rather harsh word Shank uses to describe last night's 'effort' by the Boston Celtics:

Game 3 was a disgraceful performance by the once-proud Celtics. Even though it’s not over, don’t you want it to be?

MIAMI — A lifetime of incorrect predictions has taught me that it’s dangerous to prematurely state that any series is over. Yogi Berra was right. It ain’t over ‘til it’s over.

But man, oh, man. Don’t you just want this Celtics season to be over?

In another hail of turnovers, technicals, airballs, matador defenses, and nonstop complaints to the officials, the once-proud Boston Celtics were defeated yet again by the estimable, eighth-seeded Miami Heat Sunday, 128-102. Miami led by 8 after one, by 15 at the half, and stretched it to 33 midway through the third. At that point, it felt as if the Celtics had simply quit.

And yet poor coach Joe Mazzulla still will not say anything bad about his rollover players.

“I just didn’t have ‘em ready to play,’’ said the kid coach. “I should have . . . Whatever it was, I have to get them in a better place. That’s on me . . . I think they’re doing everything they can . . . I just didn’t execute the proper game plan. It’s on me to be better so they can play better.’’

DHL Dan CLXX - Put Up Or Shut Up

Alternate title - Shank's off the bandwagon:

It’s put up or shut up time for Celtics stars Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown, and other thoughts

MIAMI — Picked-up pieces while noting the loss of Jim Brown, the greatest football player who ever lived …

▪ The shocked and chagrinned Celtics have taken their significant talents to South Beach after metaphorical victory cigars exploded in their faces in two games at the Garden.

The eighth-seeded Miami Heat outhustled and outplayed your not-as-good-as-they-think-they-are Celtics and now the Eastern Conference finals move to Miami for Game 3 Sunday night at Kaseya Center.

It’s put up or shut up for Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown, who were named two of the league’s top 10 players in 2022-23. Tatum and Brown carry themselves as if they have won multiple championships. By Boston Celtic standards, they have won nothing. And this is supposed to be their time.

The two Jays were no-show, turnover machines in crunch time of the stunning losses (the C’s are 4-5 at home in these playoffs). Boston blew a 13-point lead in Game 1, and led by 12 in the first minute of the fourth on Friday. Tatum did not record a basket in the fourth quarter of either loss. Brown on Friday was ineffective at both ends, scoring a mere 16 points and getting torched by the undrafted likes of Caleb Martin and Duncan Robinson.

Can't Trust 'Em

With Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals in the books, Shank's now singing a different tune about the Boston Celtics:

It’s only Game 1, but after a dysfunctional loss to the Heat, how can we trust these Celtics?

How can we ever trust these Boston Celtics?

ESPN Analytics said the Celtics have a 97 percent chance of beating the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference finals. The Green were 8-point favorites going into Game 1 at home Wednesday.

Jayson Tatum and Co. led by 13 in the first half, and 9 at intermission.

But they lost, 123-116.

Wow.

Bill Belichick watched upstairs with Boston basketball boss Brad Stevens. At some point, the Hoodie must have turned to his suite mate and asked, “How come your young coach never calls time out?’’

The tough, undrafted, underdogs from Miami outscored the Celtics, 46-25, in the third quarter. And Boston’s rookie coach Joe Mazzulla never called time during the Heat-induced meltdown. He just stood back and let it all be. It was a stunner.

The Pat Riley Column

With the Boston Celtics and Miami Heat due to square off for the 2023 Eastern Conference title, Shank takes a look at one of the best basketball coaches of all-time, current Heat president Pat Riley:

The man behind the Heat is Pat Riley, still at work to beat the rival Celtics

He’s 78 years old, works his magic behind the scenes, and looks like an aging Michael Douglas or Gordon Gekko.

You probably won’t hear his opinions about Celtics vs. Heat.

Like Bill Belichick, Pat Riley believes in one voice for an organization. And that voice should be the team’s head coach.

Riley is in Boston this weekend, just as he was here in 1984, ‘85, and ‘87 when the NBA staged the Celtics-Lakers Ali-Frazier three-act play that vaulted the NBA into prime-time, must-see TV.

Say hello to Riley if you see him downtown. And know that he is the man behind the Miami Heat you’re watching this week and next.

The Heat president is still current, still a genius of NBA team-building, forever a Celtic rival and nemesis. He’s the man who hired Hall of Fame-bound Erik Spoelstra to follow him as Heat coach in 2008.

Riley has built a roster of 15 tough guys — including seven undrafted players — and they’re in the conference finals for the third time in four seasons. They’re also a No. 8 seed that had to endure two play-in games just to make the tournament.

Good, solid colum by Shank - it's worth reading in full.

Stayin' Alive And Hijacking The Bandwagon - II

For the first time since this Blogger site was founded (September 18, 2005), Blogger has flagged a post of ours and put it elsewhere, forcing readers to click on a link and read the post in its entirety. This was done without my knowledge or consent. The only information I have right now is that "This post was put behind a warning for readers because it contains sensitive content as outlined in Blogger’s Community Guidelines." I have read the Blogger 'Community Guidelines' and determined my most recent posts contained no such 'sensitive content', ambiguous as that phrase is. For what it's worth, I've seen worse posted here. I have requested a review of this situation as noted in this 'Community Guidelines' warning and we'll see where that gets me. In the meantime, I will post it again, with two words altered, as they may have been the items causing deep offense with the censors at Google Blogger:

The Boston Celtics beat the Philadelphia 76'ers yesterday in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference semifinals. Shank's there with a cliche filled column chock full of Shankisms:

Celtics did not go the way of Bruins and the spring hopes of a championship remain alive

Fear not, Boston sports fans. The Celtics aren’t going the way of the Bruins, who dropped out of sight quickly in Boston’s playoff spring of hope and expectation.

The sons of Red Auerbach and Bill Russell Sunday advanced to the NBA’s final four with a pulsating, 112-88 Game 7 thrashing of the Philadelphia 76ers. Jayson Tatum scored an NBA Game 7 record 51 points in a Mother’s Day celebration of Love & Basketball at TD Garden.

Your fabled hoop franchise will take on the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals starting Wednesday on Causeway Street. It’s always a mistake to get ahead of ourselves in these matters, but ... who can resist? If the favored Celtics beat the Heat, there’s a fair chance we’ll get Boston-LA in the NBA Finals, a renewal of Russell vs. Chamberlain, Bird vs. Magic, and Pierce vs. Kobe.

The Celtics are in this position because Tatum channeled his inner Bird/Sam Jones and buried the Sixers with a hail of 3-point heaves and Globetrotter drives to the basket. After struggling in Games 4, 5, and 6 of the series (Tatum shot 0 for 19 in the first quarter of those three games), he lit up the scoreboard and came within 3 points of John Havlicek’s franchise-playoff-best 54 points against the Hawks in 1973.

More bullshit and b*ll $ucking at the link.

Stayin' Alive And Hijacking The Bandwagon

The Boston Celtics beat the Philadelphia 76'ers yesterday in Game 7 of the Eastern Conference semifinals. Shank's there with a cliche filled column chock full of Shankisms:

Celtics did not go the way of Bruins and the spring hopes of a championship remain alive

Fear not, Boston sports fans. The Celtics aren’t going the way of the Bruins, who dropped out of sight quickly in Boston’s playoff spring of hope and expectation.

The sons of Red Auerbach and Bill Russell Sunday advanced to the NBA’s final four with a pulsating, 112-88 Game 7 thrashing of the Philadelphia 76ers. Jayson Tatum scored an NBA Game 7 record 51 points in a Mother’s Day celebration of Love & Basketball at TD Garden.

Your fabled hoop franchise will take on the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals starting Wednesday on Causeway Street. It’s always a mistake to get ahead of ourselves in these matters, but ... who can resist? If the favored Celtics beat the Heat, there’s a fair chance we’ll get Boston-LA in the NBA Finals, a renewal of Russell vs. Chamberlain, Bird vs. Magic, and Pierce vs. Kobe.

The Celtics are in this position because Tatum channeled his inner Bird/Sam Jones and buried the Sixers with a hail of 3-point heaves and Globetrotter drives to the basket. After struggling in Games 4, 5, and 6 of the series (Tatum shot 0 for 19 in the first quarter of those three games), he lit up the scoreboard and came within 3 points of John Havlicek’s franchise-playoff-best 54 points against the Hawks in 1973.

More bullshit and ball sucking at the link.

Outdated

Boston Radio Watch catches Shank after the Celtics win Game 7 against the 76'ers:

7 still uses Shank for postgame analysis? Good grief. That station needs a reset. pic.twitter.com/Tfhi5kjuKA

— Boston Radio Watch®️ (@bostonradio) May 14, 2023

Shank's article on the game will be commented on tomorrow.

DHL Dan CLXIX - The Right Side Of History

It's nteresting how two weeks can change things, especially for weathervanes like Shank. A fortnight ago he was telling you how easy this series would be for the Boston Celtics. Now that we're looking at Game 7 today, Shank's forced to play a different set of cards:

History is on Celtics’ side in another Game 7, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while wondering which Jayson Tatum shows up at the Garden Sunday …

▪ Hello Game 7, old friend.

We have Celtics-76ers in a winner-take-all conference semifinal game.

Historically, the Celtics are Mr. Game 7, the way Reggie Jackson is Mr. October, the way Billy Crystal is Mr. Saturday Night. Tatum, Jaylen Brown, and Marcus Smart may know nothing of their forebears, but the fact remains that, historically, the Boston Celtics own Game 7.

The Celtics have played more Game 7s (35) than any other NBA team. Dating back to the days when Bill Russell roamed the parquet, the Celtics are 26-9 in Game 7s. Russell was 10-0 in ultimate games, winning the last game of his 13-year career with a Game 7 championship victory over the Wilt Chamberlain/Elgin Baylor/Jerry West Lakers in the LA Forum in 1969.

Boston’s fabled basketball team didn’t lose its first Game 7 until 1973, when Russell was gone and John Havlicek hurt his shoulder in an epic series with the New York Knicks.

What happened in those great old days has nothing to do with what will happen Sunday against Joel Embiid, but there’s some comfort in a legacy forged by Russell, Sam Jones, and Red Auerbach in ancient days when a smoke was still a smoke (Hoyo de Monterrey for Red) and having home court was a significant advantage in any winner-take-all NBA game.

Oddly, the New Garden has not been our friend this spring. The Bruins (remember them?) and Celtics have gone an aggregate 1-6 in seven playoff games on Causeway Street since the Bruins were first beaten by the Florida Panthers in Round 1 April 19.

Kind of shoots down the whole 'we got this game!' thingy, doesn't it? In karate, this is known as blocking a punch with your face.

In Hindsight

That title's a nice summation of Shank's work over the years - second guess people and blame them for mistakes and failure, like this guy:

In hindsight, Joe Mazzulla did the unthinkable Monday: He agreed with the angry masses.

There are a lot of eyes on Celtics rookie head coach Joe Mazzulla in this conference semifinal series with the 76ers.

Mazzulla took tremendous heat for not calling a timeout when the Celtics failed to get a shot off in the final 19 seconds of overtime in Sunday’s 1-point loss in Philadelphia. Then he did the unthinkable: He agreed with the angry masses.

“Hindsight’s 20/20,’’ Mazzulla said Monday. “I should have called [a timeout] to help us get a two-for-one or get a couple more possessions. Obviously, with 14 seconds left, down 1, you want to get as many chances as you can. So definitely learned from that.’’

Yikes. Imagine Bill Belichick doing this? Or John McNamara? Imagine Don Zimmer saying, “on second thought, I probably should have started Bill Lee instead of Bobby Sprowl in the fourth game of the Boston Massacre against the Yankees back in 1978.’’

It was an extraordinary admission from a professional head coach.

Style points deducted for not mentioning Grady Little there.

Also - think about this angle for a moment. Shank bangs out two columns last night over one Celtics loss; from the columns' time stamps he got this one out the door an hour and a half after the first one. What does that tell you about his motivation to write certain columns?

On The Brink

The Philadelphia 76ers beat the Boston Celtics on their home floor last night. Naturally Shank is there to set up one of his favorite column themes - the epic failure:

After a stunning loss to the Sixers at home in Game 5, the Celtics are on the brink of becoming an epic failure

Perhaps the piece de resistance was Jaylen Brown (3 for 8 from the free throw line) going to the line for two free throws — when the Celtics seemed to be rallying — and missing both with 9:16 left and the Celtics trailing by 14.

Beyond weak. And these guys want you to think they are elite?

What have they won?

Ever?

They care about All-NBA and Subway sandwiches and social media love. But while playing for an organization that expects clutch plays and championships, they have done little to indicate they are anything more than posers.

There is still time for the 2022-23 Celtics to redeem themselves. It’s time for the two Jays (Jayson Tatum and Brown) to step up. This is supposed to be their time, but now they are on the threshold of an epic fail.

If / when that happens, expect no less than four columns about it.

Their Loss Is His Gain

Another loss by the Boston Celtics, another column by Shank with a familiar refrain:

With the game on the line, why wouldn’t Celtics coach Joe Mazzulla call a timeout?

PHILADELPHIA — Joe Mazzulla hates timeouts the way I hate mushrooms.

We saw this again Sunday after Boston Strangler James Harden splashed a 24-foot 3-pointer from the right corner with 19 seconds left to give the 76ers a 116-115 lead in overtime of Game 4.

Timeout, right? Call everybody over, draw up the old Picket Fence Play, and let the Sixers get caught watching the paint dry as one of Boston’s mighty Jays hits the game-winner or gets fouled and makes a pair to clinch it.

Nope. That would be the conventional Brad Stevens, Hoosier Way.

Joey M trusts his guys and lets them play it out.

So the coach didn't do something and they lost the game; let the second guessing commence!

DHL Dan CLXVIII - I Will Choose A Path That's Clear

Hey - any time you can work in a Rush reference, you gotta do it!

Shank, as he's wont to do on occasion, recalls past Boston Celtics glory and laments the length of time between championships:

The Celtics have won only one championship since 1986, but the path to another is clear

PHILADELPHIA — “Picking up the pieces of a sweet shattered (Bruins) dream … ”

With the Boston Celtics, it’s always about history.

Much as New England loves to celebrate the old Celtics dynasty, the fact remains that this franchise has won only one championship since dinosaur Hall of Famers Larry Bird, Robert Parish, Kevin McHale, Dennis Johnson, and Bill Walton roamed the parquet in 1986. That’s one banner in 37 years.

This comes to mind as I sit here in Philadelphia (watching the scalding-hot Red Sox), waiting for Game 4 of the Celtics-76ers conference semifinal series.

The Celtics are better poised to win another flag than at any time since they were the greatest team in the history of the NBA (50-1 at home) in 1986. And their own history won’t leave them alone.

Friday’s 114-102 Game 3 win over the Sixers (MVP Joel Embiid dropped to 1-10 in playoff games vs. Boston) pushed the Green to a 2-1 series lead. The Celtics are 14-7 in series against this franchise — bouts that included Bill Russell vs. Wilt Chamberlain, Bird vs. Julius Erving, and Paul Pierce vs. Allen Iverson.

The Joe Mazzulla Column

Shank takes a slightly different look at the Boston Celtics during their playoff run, with the focus on head coach Joe Mazzulla:

Can Celtics coach Joe Mazzulla relax now with a series lead against the 76ers? No chance.

PHILADELPHIA — The Celtics led almost from wire to wire and beat the Philadelphia 76ers, 114-102, in Game 3 of their conference semifinal Friday at the Wells Fargo Center. Boston leads the series, 2-1, and has a great shot to get back to the Finals and maybe win the franchise’s 18th banner.

“I think we managed the game well,” coach Joe Mazzulla said after the win. " … It’s the playoffs. We’re playing against a great team … every possession is a round. Our only expectation is to be ahead at the end of the game.”

Can the super-serious Celtics rookie coach Joe Mazzulla now relax?

No way.

Mazzulla is tightly wound. He is cut in the mold of Ralph Nader, Colonel Nathan Jessup, and … dare we say … Bill Belichick? Let’s just say he’s unlikely to get a call if NESN needs someone to replace Charlie Moore, the Mad Fisherman.

Whatever that's supposed to mean...

Bitter To The Last Drop

News Flash - Shank's still pissed off at New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft:

Big win again for Kraft today. He embarrasses Parcells yet again. Canton hall of famer Parcells can’t crack petty pats hall of fame. More stupid than zevon missing rock HOF again.

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 3, 2023

Who's being petty here? You decide!

Having It Both Ways, By Dan Shaughnessy

Dan gets called out on his hypocrisy (and early bad take on the Red Sox) once again:

Embarrassing to be this desperate to please one's bosses. https://t.co/o62W9PQm6B

— Dan Shaughnessy (@Dan_Shaughnessy) May 2, 2023

Kind of my point, right? But if you’re going to start telling me they’re in last place after a game I’m going to point out there not after 30. Can’t play it both ways. Either we’re talking standings or we’re not. I’d just as soon not.

— Tom Caron (blue checkmark redacted) (@TomCaron) May 2, 2023

Weak response by the Shankster there; either refute the point or say nothing about it. Sometimes silence is golden.

Maybe It's You, Shank

Shank's in rare form right now - an epic loss by the Boston Bruins on Sunday, then the Philadelphia 76'ers come into the (TD) Garden last night and beat the Celtics in the first game in the Eastern Concerence semifinals:

What did we do to deserve this? First the Bruins, now the Celtics stunned at TD Garden?

At what point, precisely, did TD Garden become Boston’s House of Blues?

Seriously.

Less than 24 hours after the bottom-seeded Florida Panthers drove a pipe through the greatest regular-season team in NHL history (your Boston Bruins), the heavily-favored Celtics submitted an NBA meltdown of epic proportions and kicked away Game 1 of their conference semifinal, 119-115, against a Philadelphia 76ers team playing without presumed league MVP Joel Embiid.

I mean, what did Boston do to deserve this?

Maybe it's due to players reading constantly negative columns in the Boston Globe (and elsewhere)? Seems a plausible a reason as any.

Perspective

Most of the time when a local sports team crashes out of the playoffs early, Shank's all over them like a fly on shit. Not this time:

As awful as the Bruins loss was, it’s not the worst sports calamity we have endured

Where do we put this one?

Where does the Bruins’ epic playoff fail rank in the pantheon of local pro sports disappointments?

It’s perhaps in contention for the bronze medal. But this is subjective stuff, and I’m happy to let you be the judge.

I think we can all agree that the old Red Sox forever will be the gold standard when it comes to flops that demoralize the entire region. In this spirit, the Red Sox’ 1986 World Series fold forever will be the capo di tutti capi of Boston sports collapses. After 68 years of near-misses (hello Bucky Dent and Denny Galehouse), the Sox were one strike away from winning the World Series at Shea Stadium, but they dissolved in a 10th inning that famously featured the Steamer’s wild pitch and Mookie Wilson’s Little League grounder between Billy Buck’s wickets.

It's a good column, primarily because Shank gets to write about one of his favorite subjects - epic losses by Boston sports teams.