And Now For A Goodfellas Reference / Tweet Of The Day

“Well we had a problem. Tommy’s gone. And there’s nothing we could do about it. He’s gone.” https://t.co/cuzYZB5rba

— Stephen L. Miller (@redsteeze) December 29, 2020

Patriots Defensive Woes Fixed

A brilliant suggestion from the Boston Globe's Kevin Cullen^**:

It’s not on Cam, it’s on the defense. If only Sam could teach them how to tackle Buffalo Bills the way he tackled that Brookline Cop https://t.co/izq33Ddnry

— Kevin Cullen (Parody) (@KevinCulIen) December 29, 2020

The 'Sam' reference is, of course, to Sam Shaughnessy.

(^** = parody account)

Worst Case Scenario

Shank had a busy night last night. After the New England Patriots got mauled on Monday Night football by the Buffalo Bills, he bangs out a column about it and comes down heavy on coach Bill Belichick, natch:

Bill Belichick is living a worst-case scenario after moribund Patriots get crushed by Bills

Now we know what if feels like when the Tomato Can is on the other shelf; when the local coach is the one getting pantsed; when the Patriots are the team riding in the clown car.

The Buffalo Bills — Bill Belichick’s and Tom Brady’s personal punching bags for the last two decades — demolished the moribund Patriots, 38-9, on “Monday Night Football” at Gillette Stadium.

It was perhaps the worst night ever for the Hoodie in New England. He watched his special teams get suckered on a fake punt. He got mad and fired a telephone into a wall after getting bad advice on a challenge from aide de camp Ernie Adams. He watched his defense morph into Swiss cheese. And he gave New England the collective finger by sticking with Cam Newton to start the second half after Newton submitted yet another pathetic performance in the first two quarters.

Around the same time this hit the wires, Shank goes on a local sports show to talk about Celtics legend KC Jones' passing and other Celtics stuff:

Tonight on @boston25 Sportswrap at 11:15 @Dan_Shaughnessy joins us to talk stories about #TommyHeinsohn #KCJones and all things #Celtics @Bos25Sports pic.twitter.com/HvmEYp0RpX

— Butch Stearns (@ButchStearns) December 28, 2020

Now there's a face for radio!

DHL Dan CXVII - The Joe Mooney Tribute, Etc.

With little on the immediate Boston professional sports front, Shank drops his usual semi-monthly bag of Picked Up Pieces stuff:

Remembering Joe Mooney, a Fenway original, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while waiting to say goodbye to a horrible year in which we lost so many favorite people . . .

Another Fenway legend passed away at the end of November when longtime groundskeeper Joe Mooney died in Wakefield at the age of 90. For three decades starting in 1970, Mooney had control of the Fenway grounds. Total control. Nobody stepped foot on Fenway’s sacred sod without an OK from Joe Mooney. Woe was any nitwit sportswriter who popped out of the dugout and walked on the grass without Mooney’s permission. That went for ballplayers, too. I can’t prove it, but I believe Mooney was first to utter the now ubiquitous, “Get off my lawn!’’

Definitely go check out the Joe Mooney stuff; the rest is worth punting on.

Dan Shaughnessy, Talking Heads Fan?

Actually I kind of doubt it but if a tweet I spotted a few minutes ago is any indication, we're in for a cliche filled masterpiece after the New England Patriots got stomped on national TV last night, 24-3, to the Los Angeles Rams. Let's count the ways, shall we?

The Patriots are on a road to nowhere after humiliating loss to Rams

There is blood on the tracks of the Patriots’ playoff path in the wake of the Rams’ 24-3 rout of New England Thursday night at SoFi Stadium in SoCal.

Ouch. The Patriots’ playoff map is now the path of most resistance, the road to perdition, >b>the highway to hell.

The Flying Elvises have checked out of their Hotel California and probably the postseason hunt as well. They are 6-7 and very likely will be watching the playoffs on television for the first time since 2008. Three games remain — all against the AFC East — but the Patriots need more help than You-Know-Who if they hope to salvage a playoff spot in this gritty, but lost campaign. Bob Kraft’s best hope might be to blame the whole thing on Dominion and petition the Supreme Court to overturn losses in California, Missouri, Texas, Washington, New York, and Massachusetts (twice).

From there, Shank blames things mostly on Cam Newton, which he (admittedly) stole at halftime from Terry Bradshaw doing the Fox halftime show.

You know the rest of the column already - a standard game recap and a few more shovels full of dirt on the Patriots' 2020 football season.

Another Belichick Masterpiece

Here's Shank's take on yesterday's beatdown win by the patriots over the L.A. Chargers:

This rout of the Chargers had everything Bill Belichick loves about football

They aren’t going to make it to the Super Bowl, they aren’t going to win the AFC East, and they are still unlikely to participate in the NFL playoffs.

But the 2020 COVID-19 Patriots are emerging as one of Bill Belichick’s favorite teams.

Sunday in Inglewood, Calif. — across the street from the spot where Kevin McHale flattened Kurt Rambis in the 1984 NBA Finals — we saw another Special Teams Palooza as the Patriots demolished the Los Angeles Chargers, 45-0, at SoFi Stadium.

This beatdown had all the stuff Bill loves: Blocked field goals returned for touchdowns; punts downed inside the 10; punts returned for touchdowns; Gunner Olszewski, the undrafted guy from Bemidji State, scoring two touchdowns and making a special teams tackle in the fourth quarter. It was a Special Teams Tour De Force that will hang in Belichick’s Leather Helmet Louvre near the Sankaty Head Lighthouse in Nantucket.

You know how it goes by now - positive columns from Shank when the Patriots win, negative ones when they don't.

DHL Dan CXVI - The Recycled Shaughnessy

In yesterday's installment of the Picked Up pieces column, Shank repeats a week's worth of local sports talk themes:

Whether the Patriots will soon make a change at quarterback, and other thoughts

Picked-up pieces while wondering about the Patriots’ quarterback controversy . . .

▪ Cam Newton or Jarrett Stidham? Tom Brady vs. Drew Bledsoe, this is not. As bad as Newton has been, the belief here is that Bill Belichick stays with Cam until the Patriots are mathematically eliminated from playoff contention. Newton’s horrendous game last week vs. Arizona, coupled with his sudden appearance on the injury report (abdomen) fueled speculation that change is afoot and inspired folks at 98.5 The Sports Hub to conduct a “Who Should Start at Quarterback This Weekend?” poll in which 58 percent of more than 8,000 listeners wanted Newton. It makes for great headline/talk-radio fodder, but Belichick seems unlikely to make a switch at this time. There appears to be no rush to take a look at Stidham, and for all of his incompetence, Newton has the loyalty of his teammates. Belichick probably doesn’t want to do anything to dent morale or cost Newton incentive money. And Bill will tell anybody who listens that he still believes Newton puts the Patriots in the best position to win.

Rest at the link, including a Springsteen reference, of course.

Getting His (Jack The) Shot Off

Now that the unpleasant visual's out of the way, Shank tells a nice story about a Holy Cross / Boston Celtics basketball player who wasn't long for the latter:

Holy Cross legend Jack ‘The Shot’ Foley was aptly nicknamed

Jack “The Shot” Foley was a legend much longer than he was a basketball player.

Jack The Shot died of Parkinson’s disease Sunday in Barre at the age of 81.

Foley was raised in Worcester and set scoring records at Assumption Prep and Holy Cross. A skinny 6-foot-3-inch leaper, Jack The Shot was so good that Red Auerbach picked him in the second round of the 1962 NBA Draft, one round after selecting a kid from Ohio State named John Havlicek.

Bob Cousy, another Holy Cross man, was in the final year of his Hall of Fame career when Jack The Shot reported for duty with the world champion Celtics in December of 1962 (fulfillment of a Coast Guard obligation delayed Foley’s arrival in Boston). Cooz and fellow Crusader Tommy Heinsohn were happy to have another Cross man in the fold, but it was clear that Jack The Shot’s single skill would not be enough in the NBA.

Belichick Porn?

Shank said it, not me:

Special teams, short fields, turnovers, a knucklehead penalty? The Four Horsemen of Bill Belichick’s two-decade reign

It was a game only Amos Alonzo Stagg and William Stephen Belichick could love.

It was not a day of football artistry, not a good day for Cam Newton, not a good day for NFL officials, and not a good day if your fantasy fortunes hinge on big offense and over-the-top passing games.

But it was a win and the Hoodie no doubt loved it the way he loved every Army-Navy game in the 1960s. It was a day for special teams, goal-line stands, crucial turnovers, and stupidity by the opposition — the Four Horsemen of Belichick’s two-decade reign over the NFL.

Patriots-Cardinals won’t be the Face of the Franchise for the next edition of Madden NFL, but it was a special teams bacchanal. Belichick porn.

Nick Folk’s 50-yard field goal as the clock expired gave New England a 20-17 victory over the Cardinals and improved the Pats to 5-6. The Patriots don’t play in Foxborough again until after Christmas. They have upcoming trips to California (Chargers and Rams) and Florida (Dolphins). But in reality, we all know they aren’t going anywhere. They aren’t going to get gifts like this every week.