Armed and Dangerous ... to Logic

Ironic, isn't it, that a day after The CHB goes after David Ortiz for defying Father Time (and, by implication, drug testers), he pontificates about a possible arm injury suffered by Red Sox backstop Christian Vazquez?

We say ironic, because here's The CHB's take on the injury is to quote ex-Sox manager Joe Morgan, who reportedly said, “You almost never see a catcher with a sore arm."

Skipping, for the moment, any supporting data for such a statement, The CHB immediately agrees: "Joe’s right. It’s rare. Morgan makes this point to demonstrate the value of throwing all the time. He thinks modern pitchers baby their arms. Joe’s logic is that, the more you throw, the stronger your arm will be. The rarity of the sore-armed catcher makes his point."

Well then!

Modern medicine would probably love to know what Capt. Morgan's been putting in his coffee. Ligaments, like any muscles, tendons or bones, are susceptible to injury from overuse. You only have so many bullets in the revolver. This has been known since Ted Williams was at his peak. And oh by the way, the rise of year-round baseball, coupled with the specialization at early ages many athletes are forced into, are feeding the overstress.

But, and here's where the irony kicks in, there is a strong correlation between steroid use and ligament damage: "That damage may stem from their cartilage adapting slowly (or not enough) to the increased muscle growth and force generated by the drugs, or from the greater mass and stress exerted on their ligaments and cartilage."

But Christian Vazquez isn't Big Papi. He's young and, to The CHB, unsullied by time and arrogance. So naturally he's above suspicion. Would that Ortiz be given the same consideration.

A New Nickname, but Same Old Dan

The CHB has a new nickname!

Yes, it seems every generation of baseball player gifts Shank with a pet name. Back in 2000 Carl Everett coined the Curly Haired Boyfriend. And David Ortiz has now pegged him with a new one: "the reporter with the red jheri curl from the Boston Globe."

Awesome.

This shows up in today's ready, fire, aim column in which The CHB (sorry, the RJC) attacks Ortiz for having the temerity to complain about the dark cloud of suspicion that follows him ever since his name showed up on the Mitchell Report.

The CHB (sorry, old habits die hard!), of course, insists that, despite a lack of proof, that Big Papi must be cheating, because no man that is so beloved in Boston could possibly be on the level.

In a classic moment of irony, Shank writes that Ortiz's observations on the color and nature of The CHB's CH are incorrect and yet "these are not the errors or details that are bothersome in your essay."

The CHB cares about accuracy? Who knew?

The rest is a rehash of perhaps every conversation Shank ever had with Papi. In reading it (don't bother), one comes away with the impression that The RJC has been watching too much Court TV.


Larry Bird watch! (That's twice in three columns.)

Failure to Launch

The CHB is a coward. There it is.

This is the guy who, from the safety of a keyboard, has the audacity to say Mike Piazza and Jeff Bagwell must have used PEDs, despite no evidence of the same.

But given the opportunity to confront another potential Hall of Famer, one whose ex dealer and a close teammate both fingered as a user, Shank pulls his punches.

Instead, he asks Roger Clemens whether he feels slighted for not being elected to the Hall. Coward. And when relating the meeting, The CHB even resorts to the third person -- "Folks think he's dirty" and "He cannot break free of the accusations and perception that he cheated" -- rather than taking a position himself. Coward.

Shank also repeatedly reminds readers of Dan Duquette's parting shot at Rocket Roger when he left for free agency ("twilight of his career"), then proceeds to list off all Clemens' post Red Sox accomplishments. But since he cheated (right?), and since steroids enhance performance (right?), doesn't that mean Duquette was ... right?

Hall No! Shank Won't Go

Woe is Dan: He has to vote for the Hall of Fame.

OK, so that's not exactly true. He can resign from the BWAA. Or he could send in a blank ballot.
But whining about it is easier, not to mention more fun! So let's hear what The CHB has to say:

• "I voted for Jack Morris, Tim Raines, Alan Trammell, and Curt Schilling."

Three out of four right ain't bad. Morris didn't totally suck, but he's the classic case of voters looking at what he was *capable* of versus what he actually did. So go on.

• "I did not vote for the greatest home run hitter of all-time. I did not vote for a guy who won 354 games and seven Cy Young trophies. I did not vote for a guy who hit 60 or more homers in a season three times. I did not vote for a catcher who hit 427 home runs. I did not vote for a first basemen who hit 449 home runs. I did not vote for a guy who hit 569 homers and cracked 3,020 hits."

So that means no Bonds, Clemens, Sosa, Piazza, Bagwell, Palmeiro or McGwire. To support his passing off the buck, The CHB trots out the least respected and most ignored criteria for the Hall: The player’s character.

Keep in mind that the Hall includes Ty Cobb (racist), Grover Alexander (drunk), Mickey Mantle (drunk), Gaylord Perry (self-avowed cheater), Babe Ruth (gambler, drunk), Paul Molitor (drug user), Ferguson Jenkins (ditto), Don Sutton (doctored the balls), Enos Slaughter (racist) ... the list goes on and on. And that doesn't begin to count all the guys who used greenies, uppers, amphetamines and other performance-enhancing drugs not called HGH or steroids. But no matter. It's OK to want to string a guy up for the color of his skin, but not OK to use a drug that has never been proved to make any difference.

Evidence of PED use doesn't matter to him, The CHB acknowledges. And, because he's not voting for the best players, talent doesn't matter either.

Which is something Shank knows all too well.