Super Bowl Trolling, Part III

Shank's simplistic 'analysis' of Sunday's Super Bowl matchup conveniently ignores fifty-two members of the Philadelphia Eagles and cites one player as the reason they will not win the game.

Nick Foles is a good story — but it won’t be good enough

Second of a two-part series on why the Eagles can’t win the Super Bowl vs. the Patriots.

Part two: Nick Foles

BLOOMINGTON, Minn. — Eagles quarterback Nick Foles has Calvin Schiraldi Eyes.

Not to be confused with Bette Davis eyes! Of course Shank needs to make a Red Sox reference in a Patriots column - and what a reference it was!

Take it from somebody who was at Shea Stadium in 1986 when clueless John McNamara kept handing the ball to Schiraldi, a forlorn Texan with a hard slider and a soft core. Just as you don’t want a closer with puppy-dog eyes, you don’t want your quarterback looking all sad and wistful. It projects weakness and saps confidence.

The matchup of Nick Foles vs. Tom Brady in Super Bowl LII is half the reason that the Eagles have no chance to beat the Patriots (the other half is Doug Pederson vs. Bill Belichick, which we covered in the first installment of this series).

Foles is a great national story this week. He is a once-traded, twice-released backup quarterback who’s going to start in the Super Bowl. He’s Rocky Balboa. He’s Rudy. He’s the Hoosier high school basketball team from Hickory. Gene Hackman is going to bring a tape measure to U.S. Bank Stadium Sunday and prove to Foles that the Super Bowl goalpost crossbars are only 10 feet high.

Let the rest of us know when you feel like talking about football, OK?