Back On The Bandwagon

Dear Tom:

Remember when I called you a cheater?

We're good now, right?

Sincerely,

Your Pal Shank

CLEVELAND — More than a year and a half later — after “11 out of 12 balls” lost pressure, Mona Lisa Vito, the Wells Report In Context, Jimmy “Hotfingers” McNally, Fanboy Judge Berman, the Ideal Gas Law, Defending The Wall, and Free Tom Brady — the Patriots finally put Deflategate behind them Sunday at FirstEnergy Stadium on the banks of Lake Erie.

Brady returned from his football Alcatraz (a sentence served alternately at the Big House in Ann Arbor and sunbathing nude in Capri), torching the poor, pitiful Cleveland Browns, 33-13, in front of thousands of road trippers with Boston accents on an absolutely perfect football Sunday. Brady completed 28 of 40 passes for a Ted Williams-esque 406 yards, completed three touchdown passes to Martellus Bennett, and was not intercepted.

Ted Williams? Seriously? What a jerk.