And Now For Some Bill Belichick Bashing

Not by me, of course - we leave that to the professionals like Shank, who has written this column many, many times before. Take it away, Shank!

Sixteen years. That’s how long we’ve been watching these Bill Belichick press conferences.

Most of them are the same. Bill grunts. Sniffs. Snorts. He occasionally teaches some football.

Does he fart between grunts? What's he sniffing and snorting, and can I get some of it? That's what I want to know!

...
I can remember a couple of times when he went off script and appeared genuine, true . . . almost human.

I knew it - Belichick is part of the Borg collective - resistance is futile!

Once was back in July of 2013 when he came out to talk (one time only) about Aaron Hernandez’s arrest on a murder change. Another beauty was last winter’s Mona Lisa Vito presser when Belichick vigorously defended his team and taught us about ideal gas law.

Last but not least, who could forget late last summer when the Hoodie reached his Deflategate limit and famously lashed out at charges of “warm drinks and trash cans’’?

I've always been amused at this verbiage. 'Lashed out' = reporter speak for 'I don't like how he's forcefully responding to our bullshit!'.

Patriots fans absolutely love this. Ours must be the only football region where fans hungry for information are the same folks who applaud madly when that information is denied.

There seems to be quite a bit of information about the Chandler Jones incident and even unique theories about Belichick's black eye if you bother to look for it. Shank's just pissed that it's not him or his fellow Boston Globies in control of this information, which has been a theme we've been blogging about for what seems like eons now.

Go figure. The people who comb the Internet and listen to sports radio 24/7 are the same folks who just love to see Bill deliver the middle finger to a roomful of reporters. The Patriot Way. Do Your Job. Defend The Wall.

That's one reason I love blogging. And Shank drops a Col. Jessup reference? He's almost in the 21st century, folks!

Behold, as Shank equates recreational drug use to multiple murders:

Last Sunday, one of the Patriots’ best players, Chandler Jones, walked into the Foxborough Police Station, shirtless, in a confused state after reportedly ingesting synthetic marijuana and who knows what else? (Outstanding slander there, Shank! - ed.) We’ll never know, thanks in some part to a local police department that lied to the Boston Herald, then modified the police log. This is the same local police department paid by the Patriots to police things on game days.

It’s amazing. Just 2½ years after one of the Patriots goes on a murder spree — while he is a member of the team — we still have a Patriot-friendly police department ready to lie to the media and broom the docket to protect the team. What happened to all the vigilance promised after the Patriots were “duped” by Hernandez? Remember the official team flop house?

Meanwhile, don’t bother to ask the coach about his black eye. It’s far more important that we get back to Kansas City’s defensive coordinator and the alignment of the Chiefs’ front seven.

Did you ever answer questions about your son assaulting a cop while he was shitfaced, Shank? Just asking!

If the Patriots thrash the Chiefs Saturday, no one will be talking about Chandler Jones and “no shirt, no shoes, no problem” at the Foxborough police department. If they lose, the Jones incident will be framed as evidence that the Patriots were losing their way.

And we already know who will be spearheading that effort, don't we?