Shank Revives The 'Tomato Cans' Meme

Knock us over with a feather - sure didn't see this one coming!

The AFC East is a beast. Every team in the division is undefeated after the first week of play. This hasn’t happened in the AFC East since division realignment in 2002.

Buffalo is a bully. The Dolphins have their 1972 forefathers worried that this might be another undefeated season in Miami. The back page of Monday’s New York Post screamed, “BRAND NEW JETS,’’ in the wake of Sunday’s 31-10 demolition of the mighty Cleveland Browns.

Finally, some competition for the Patriots.

We were warned about this all summer while mired in Deflategate. Rex Ryan, a man who knows how to beat the Patriots, was bringing swagger and good players to Orchard Park, N.Y. The Dolphins went out and bought Ndamukong Suh, the baddest man in the whole damn town (still dating yourself, Shank! - ed). The Jets took Darrelle Revis away from the Patriots, then put a Harvard man at quarterback.

Now they are all unbeaten. There’ll be no cakewalk for the Patriots this year.

Sorry, people. I’m not buying any of it.

Of course he's not buying it - he's not about to abandon his long standing tradition of setting up the Patriots for the highest of expectations just like he did last year so he can take a world class shit on them just like he did last year if / when they lose a game, all the better (and a more venomous column) if they lose big.

You'd think Shank could update his pop culture references - you'd be wrong!

The AFC East is still Gladys Knight and the Pips, and the Patriots are Gladys Knight.
...
It speaks to the greatness of Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, but it also speaks to the “clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right” competition from Buffalo, Miami, and New York.

Remember Shank's pledge 'never to rip Sandoval for being out of shape or going on the disabled list.'? Jokes don't technically count, right?

Belichick devours untested quarterbacks like Pablo Sandoval at the postgame spread.

Last but not least, the phrase that's been on the shelf for the last six months, polished up for heavy use in another NFL season:

The AFC East still has more tomato cans than Stop & Shop.

...aaand scene!