Fifth Time's A Charm

From Shank's column, May 12, 2015:

It is one of the biggest sports stories of our lifetime and it is our only topic for the foreseeable future.

How right he is! It should be obvious to anyone by now that 1) Shank hates the New England Patriots football team and 2) five columns in six days from the normally non-prolific columnist is proof positive that he is motivated primarily by any combination of the following traits - jealousy, envy, hatred, antipathy, pettiness, grudge holding and negativity.

Deflategate thoughts as we await appeals and Bob Kraft perhaps ponders seceding from the NFL . . .

■ I remain impressed by the physicists, magicians, jugglers of truth, and truthfully mad scientists who have made it their life mission to poke holes in the easily poked Wells Report. These folks are Tom Brady Vulcans and Klingons, speaking a language no one else knows. They are Krafty Krishnas, banging tambourines, chanting, and dancing around Gillette Stadium.

They are like the thousands of conspiracy theorists who have written books and devoted millions of hours to the flawed findings of the Warren Commission. They are Wells Report buffs, and they will not rest until Brady and the Patriots are cleared of all these trumped-up charges.

Among hundreds of missives I’ve received from the buffs, my favorite was from the gentleman who wrote, “I have a PHD in engineering specializing in process engineering (keeping things within tolerance). I spent 24 or so hours analyzing the Wells Report and writing this rebuttel. I would like to see it published somewhere before Tom Brady gets suspended.’’

The gentleman’s eight-page, single-spaced “rebuttel” concluded with, “Summary: The Wells Report is wicked stupid . . . Tom Brady is freakin’ awesome . . . Go Pats!!!!!”

Which has been Shank's M.O. from the start of this recent barrage of columns - dismiss and discount any evidence supporting the Patriots and relentlessly hammer away at the evidence making the Patriots look bad.

Toward the end of this column, however, it seems that Shank acknowledges some of these points:

■ Deep down, everybody (even you, Keyshawn) knows these punishments are too harsh. The Patriots are paying for a decade of flipping off the league, noncompliance with Wells, Spygate, and the league’s clumsy attempt to right its own ship after a year of horrible publicity over botched punishments.

■ Deflategate will not affect the Patriots competitively this season. Brady probably will get a couple of games shaved from his suspension. Meanwhile, the Patriots will get a good look at the future in Jimmy Garoppolo. The AFC East will still be the Warhol Division; the Patriots will win it easily, getting their first-round bye and second-round home game. They will also have the “us against the world” mentality that motivated them to 18-0 after Spygate in 2007.

■ I can’t help but wonder whether Matt Estrella ever hung out with Jim McNally and/or John Jastremski. Those three could get busts in the Rogues Wing of the Patriot Place Hall of Shame.