Bitter To The Last Drop

Of course, we could have used this title for any number of Shank's columns, but after the 2015 Boston Red Sox started their season this afternoon with an 8 - 0 win over the Philadelphia Phillies, the Red Jheri Curl Columnist does his best to pour cold water on it.

Take a gander at the headline:

For a day anyway, Red Sox’ plan worked perfectly

That's okay, Shank, you still have 161 games to piss on everyone.

Actually, that's not completely accurate, as his cynicism and snideness is replete throughout the column:

PHILADELPHIA — This is the way they drew it up in the dimly lit silo in Lawrence, Kan., during the long, cold baseball winter of 2014-15.

Bill James, Ben Cherington, John Henry, Michael Gordon, Larry Lucchino, and Tom Werner could not have asked for a better Opening Day. The guys who run the Red Sox are pushing a new world order, and everything worked out perfectly in the first 24 hours of the new major league season. Let the gloating begin.

Less than 18 hours after Jon Lester spit the bit in his nationally televised Cubs debut at Wrigley Field (take that, Theo!), the revamped Red Sox lineup crushed five homers in an 8-0 rout of the Philadelphia Phillies.

The Sox hit four homers (two by Dustin Pedroia) off the coveted Cole Hamels, a high-priced ace they eschewed in trade talks. Hanley Ramirez, who received the bag of money that Lester and Hamels did not get, hit a pair of bombs, including a ninth-inning grand slam.

This tone of nearly unprofessional butthurt runs throughout the rest of the column, right up to the last word:

“Everybody put a lot of hard work into spring training,’’ said Pedroia. “Now is the time for it to pay off.’’

“This is how I planned it in my head,’’ said Buchholz. “Our lineup feels like our lineup in 2007. It’s pretty cool.’’

Sounds like worst to first.

Again.