Just Like September

Alternate headline - "I rewrote Friday's column, inserted the final score, dumped on Josh Beckett and owner John Henry, used the phrase 'chicken and beer' one more time, and presto!"

DETROIT - The omens were all good. The game was played on Bobby Doerr’s 94th birthday. The first pitch was thrown at a Teddy Ballgame time of 4:06. Boston’s absentee owner was buoyed by a big 1-1 draw in Liverpool, and the Red Sox had Josh Beckett on the mound, with a plan to “execute pitches.’’

And then it all came apart in a hail of home runs by the Bash Brothers of Detroit.

What a beating!

Beckett surrendered five, count ’em five, homers in a mere 4 2/3 innings of a 10-0 Tigers beat-down of the Red Sox Saturday. It was the worst possible start for a $17 million pitcher who failed the Sox down the stretch in the epic collapse of 2011, then was outed as a primary perp in the chicken-and-beer fiasco that finished Terry Francona in Boston.

Utterly predictable column, and you'll see the same basic column tomorrow if the Sox lose this afternoon. I'm willing to bet it's already half written...

P.S. - spot the lame lyric fragment - it's classic Shank!

UPDATE at 6:00 P.M. - Deadspin piles on.