The Gang's All Here

Something tells me Shank's been waiting to write this column for years...

FORT MYERS, Fla. - It’s true. I checked. (first time this year! - ed.) As part of Fenway Park’s 100th anniversary celebration (have you heard about it, by chance?), the Red Sox are inviting everyone who ever wore a Sox uniform back for the April 20 ballpark-palooza.

Red Sox vice president/emeritus and team historian Dick Bresciani, who has been working in the Fenway offices since 1972, confirmed this week that the Sox are trying to bring everybody back. It’s all-inclusive.

“We’re inviting all the ones we have addresses for,’’ said Bresciani. “It’s a list of about 500 ballplayers, coaches, and managers.’’

And the possibilities are endless.

...

“He was an All-Star center fielder in his first year with the Red Sox. A switch-hitter with power from both sides of the plate, he scared the hell out of teammates, umpires, and media members. He head-butted Ron Kulpa, rolled on the clubhouse carpet with Darren Lewis, and told Joe Kerrigan to [expletive] off. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for ‘Jurassic’ Carl Everett!’’

“He was brought on board by Dan Duquette to replace Mo Vaughn. He was an All-Star in his first season with the Sox and later made a name for himself by assaulting another player with a bat. Let’s hear it for ‘meaner-than-a-junkyard-dog’ Jose Offerman.’’

“He was perhaps the biggest nitwit ever to play for the local nine, a guy who knocked a home run over the wall with his head. He’ll live forever as baseball’s Face of Steroids, please say hello to Jose Canseco!’’

Nice, entertaining column by Shank; has he used up his quota of these columns already this year?