Sir Shaughnessy, The Provincial

Perhaps it is Shank's unique combination of laziness (his only column on the World Series this year) and affinities for the negative (column on the losing team, Texas Rangers) and the regional (Boston Red Sox, natch!) that's able to produce a gem for the ages. As befits the arrogant, Shank presumes to speak on behalf of the entire Red Sox Nation:

Dear Texas Rangers fans:

We feel your pain. We know what it’s like. For almost a week, the baseball world has been celebrating the St. Louis Cardinals and their dramatic crawl from the crypt. We’ve seen footage of the Cardinals parading alongside the Arch, and wreaths have been thrown at the feet of Tony La Russa, Albert Pujols, David Freese, and Chris Carpenter.

But we know it’s different back in your town. In Dallas-Fort Worth, the World Series will not be remembered for the Cardinals winning. It’ll be remembered as the one that got away - one of the great choke jobs of all-time.

From the comments section, here's an all-time Top Ten summary of Shank:

"Good thing there is always a losing team. If there wasn't, Dan would have nothing to write about."