Pass the Vicodin

During all the hoopla surrounding T.O.'s alleged suicide attempt yesterday, it briefly occurred to me that there was no possible way the coverage of that "event" could get any worse than it already was.

Well, I didn't anticipate Dan doing a column on it, so I take it all back. It got worse this morning with this insensitive pile of rubbish. I'm sort of speechless right now--that's how bothered I am by this piece. But let's carry on anyway:

First of all, the title is incredibly offensive. "We snapped to attention?" "Attention seeker Owens was given some more?" This makes me wonder what Dan would have said if it had actually turned out to be a suicide attempt. You know what, Dan? People who try suicide usually ARE seeking attention, and you know what? You'd better give them exactly what they want without judgment or resentment, because otherwise they have a tendency to wind up dead. I've spent 2+ hours on the phone talking someone out of it in the middle of the night before, and I have three friends with suicide attempts on their records, so I'm not just spouting Dr. Phil here. It doesn't matter to me that T.O. himself apparently didn't try suicide; it's the principle of the thing.

So there you have it. A new low in TV tabloid journalism. James Frey is reportedly already at work on events of the day.

If you plug "Dan Shaughnessy" into this sentence in place of "James Frey," the sentence still has exactly the same meaning! How funny!

We're never going to know the real story, of course. Only Owens really knows what happened. We know he loves attention. But it's hard to believe he would stoop to these depths just to make himself a bigger story. The tape of Etheredge's 911 call might shed more light on this and you can be sure the Dallas and Philadelphia media will produce said audio within a few hours.

But why do we care?

It is hard to believe, isn't it? Which is why I don't think anybody, in their heart of hearts (Dan probably doesn't understand this concept), believes that. And why would the Dallas police release the 911 call? It's an invasion of privacy.

Also, we care because anybody who doesn't care when a public figure or anyone else allegedly tries to kill himself has something wrong with them. If this was a story about Tom Brady attempting suicide, Dan, you'd be singing a different tune. If it was about Theo Epstein, you'd be laughing and jumping for joy.*

But he does not seem to be a liar and there is really no reason to doubt his story from the strange Tuesday night. In the end, Terrell Owens is an entertainer, not that much different from Paris Hilton, Tom Cruise, or Mel Gibson. He is flawed, just like the rest of us. He needs attention and we provide. Never more than yesterday.

The Cowboys play at Philadelphia Oct. 8. Think anyone will be watching that one?

First of all, yes, they will, because it'll be a good football game if nothing else. Second of all, I don't know what to make of the first paragraph. He spends much of the column ripping T.O. and indirectly listing reasons we should doubt his story, then says we shouldn't doubt it? Yeah, okay. Just Dan being Dan, I guess. I give up.

*Note: I don't actually mean that. He's not THAT awful.