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Saturday, July 30, 2016

I Want Answers!

Eighteen months after the saga of Deflate started, Shank has taken great satisfaction at taking numerous shots at the New England Patriots organization and at one point called Tom Brady and the Patriots cheaters based on the possibility of Tom's alleged involvement in deflating footballs below the league minimum of 12.5 PSI. Today he demands answers from Tom Brady.
Tom Brady says nothing in public anymore. A few days into training camp, in the middle of this big bowl of awkward, Brady’s message appears to be . . . “I’m on to Cleveland.”

Brady’s six months of silence officially stretches into August Sunday. He has not answered any questions since those painful moments after the Patriots were waxed by the Denver Broncos in the AFC Championship game. He’s posted on Facebook a few times and issued a boilerplate statement after accepting his suspension.

But there’s been no Brady availability since January and it’s possible Brady might stay in Garbo-Manny Ramirez mode right up until he comes off suspension before the Patriots’ Week 5 matchup in Cleveland on Oct. 9.
It is the height of arrogance and disingenuous behaviour for Shank to spend the better part of two years beating the living crap out of Brady, then expecting answers from the guy he assaulted in the newspapers.

Hey, Danny Boy - remember the time Larry Bird didn't talk to you for six plus months because you reported on the bar fight he got in just before the 1985 playoffs? I don't think anyone's this stupid - Shank knows full well that blowtorching an athlete will result in a future lack of cooperation with the media. He's previously acknowledged that local media are bloodthirsty, and now he expects Brady to forget all that shit and cooperate with Shank and his fellow blowtorchers. I'm pretty sure that's not gonna happen.

Well, He Does Work For The Globe

Apparently Shank believes people that borrow money from a government and fail in a business venture belong in jail:

Friday, July 29, 2016

Ask A Stupid Question

Was this Shank talking to Patriots coach Bill Belichick? Wotta maroon!

Thursday, July 28, 2016

On The Road Again

The Red Sox begin a long road trip, but not before losing three straight games to the Detroit Tigers. You bet your ass Shank's doing a column about it:
The Red Sox are 55-44, just 2½ games behind first-place Baltimore after the Orioles lost Wednesday night. But the Sox are 21-23 in one- or two-run games and they are 8-30 in games in which they score four or fewer runs (those would be playoff-type games). They are 3-36 when they trail after seven innings, 2-36 when they trail after eight. They have only two walkoff wins, which ties them with the lowly Rays for worst in the American League.
Anyone who was listening to Tony Massarotti Tuesday afternoon around 3:00 could have told you the same thing. What a lazy prick.
David Price gets the ball Thursday night against the Angels and Price is well-served to be 3,000 miles from the barking dogs and wiseguy columnists who are painting him as the new Carl Crawford/Matt Young.
This, from the guy who said he won't judge David Price until he sees a full year from him, while disingenuously trying to hide behind unnamed 'wiseguy columnists'.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Dick Nixon, Before He Dicks You!

Shank thought he was being cute with this tweet:

Reader reaction was swift and brutal:





Rehash Radio - XVIII

Think Shank's trip to Cooperstown was part of the discussion this morning?



Monday, July 25, 2016

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XXXIX

Why does the Boston Globe hate its own customers?
The Globe is sending notes to subscribers today: Starting Aug. 1 they will no longer get credits for stopping the paper while on vacation, unless their vacations are at least 22 days long.
Which will be very few vacations. Just another way of 'enhancing revenue' while pissing off some subscribers. Brilliant!
Don't worry, subscribers: You can still stop the paper coming while you're away, so your house won't look like it's putting out the welcome mat for burglars, it's just that now you'll have to pay the Globe for that privilege.

New York State Of Mind

Shank recounts the four days he spent in Cooperstown, New York, where he...
I was there to humbly accept the J.G. Taylor Spink Award, presented annually to someone who’s covered baseball for a long time. But let’s get this straight: The lucky baseball scribe who accepts the award is not “inducted” or “enshrined.” The writer is not a Hall of Famer. That title is reserved for players, managers, and the occasional owner or general manager who has had a seismic impact on the game.
Which is precisely what we've been saying since this 'award' was announced.

Let's also get another thing straight - Shank's well aware he's an asshole and is disliked:

■ See Eddie Murray and Jim Rice having breakfast together. Had old tension with both so I’m careful not to interrupt them. Maybe later.
...
While hanging out on the spectacular hotel porch, Pedro Martinez emerges from the lobby. I worry. I once said he was a diva on par with Diana Ross. Pedro smiles and hugs me and says we are good now. He understands. “I am part of the media now and I know sometimes you have to be tough,’’ says Pedro.
...
■ See Murray and take a shot at saying hello. Eddie says, “How did you ever get here?” then smiles and we hug it out. I ask him to make me look good in front of my family next time we see him. “I’ll try,’’ he says.
...
■ Get a morning e-mail from Jim Palmer, who is driving up from Baltimore. It reads, “Don’t [expletive] up your speech.’’
...
■ After the awards presentation, each player hops in the back of a truck for a parade to the Hall. I ride with Vin, which is good cover for me. Nobody’s going to boo the firefighter who discovered a baseball in the rubble of 9/11.

UPDATE AT 10:00 PM - Just thought I'd link to a previous post as to precisely why some of these baseball folks are ticked off with Shank.

Monday, Monday

Thank you, Bruce Allen, for giving us the day off!

Friday, July 22, 2016

Jest Wing

Ready for this? The CHB is going into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Well, sort of.

For starters, it's the baseball writer's wing of the Hall. So already it's like kissing your sister (which I'm pretty sure is what got Shank started on his road to fatherhood, which next to his mediocre career has been perhaps his greatest exercise in failure).

Moreover, you know who votes in the inductees? Yep: other writers! That's about as big an accomplishment as getting a mother to love her baby. What a joke. 

More humor. The CHB waxes nostalgic about Earl Weaver. You know who Earl Weaver was? Baseball's first sabermetrician manager. Of course, The CHB is too busy whining about baseball to actually, you know, understand it.



Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Random Tweets, By Dan Shaughnessy

If only there was a particular month to celebrate achievements like this:

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Getting Some Early Reps In

The New England Patriots will start training camp next Thursday, and Shank gets in an early shot:

As expected, reader feedback was positive and constructive:




Sunday, July 17, 2016

Speaking of Boston Globe Assholes...

Whilst waiting on the last game of the Red Sox / Yankees series, I cruised around the Boston Globe sports site to see if Shank recently wrote anything stupid or offensive. He's taken time off from his Black Sox column, mostly a good one, but I stumbled across something which is quintessential Boston Globe moralizing, or trying to pass itself off as such.

The pretentiously bylined name of Kevin Paul Dupont, not having the sense to stick to Boston Bruins hockey, decided to avoid his offseason hiatus by commenting on stupid tweets by the wives of professional athletes and assumes the mantle as yet another of the many self-righteous Boston Globe scolding harpies:
It’s time for Miko Grimes and Ayesha Curry to set down their handheld devices, delete their Twitter accounts, and take two giant steps back from the lunatic fringe.

Or like Jack Nicholson’s character (Mel Udall) said in “As Good as It Gets,” “Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.’’

Miko, wife of Buccaneers cornerback Brent Grimes, on Monday tweeted out her disdain for her husband’s ex-employers in Miami, including Dolphins owner Stephen Ross and executive vice president of football operations Mike Tannenbaum.

“Gotta respect Ross for keeping his jew buddies employed,’’ she wrote, “but did he not see how tannenbaum put the jets in the dumpster with that sanchez deal?’’

Miko obviously had her keyboard locked in “vile” mode. She’ll have to find a geek squader to help her with capital letters and punctuation, with a side course in sensitivity training.

Ayesha, wife of NBA icon Stephen Curry, was none too pleased June 16 to see her hubby foul out in Game 6 of the NBA Finals, a moment he punctuated by firing his mouthpiece and nailing a courtside fan. Steph’s handiwork earned an ejection. Ayesha’s fingers flew her straight to crazytown, to join the convention of whack job conspiracy theorists already in progress.
First, on the merits - Miko Grimes is an anti-semetic moron that can go fuck herself. The Jewish people I know share many positive traits - they don't smoke, booze, take drugs, gamble and are financially successful, which involves being productive (which means gainful employment) and avoiding frivolous spending on, among other things, the aforementioned vices I mentioned. These habits should be celebrated and adopted, not blithely dismissed with an epiteth. Wish I could engage in all of these traits!

Ayesha's comments, on the other hand, bear some weight:
Precisely what the NBA needed, another hint that someone jockeyed the score. The fetid scent of ex-referee Tim Donaghy and his on-court cooking of the books may never leave the building.
Right off the bat, the pretentiously bylined named Kevin Paul Dupont is in partial agreement with this sentiment. This is backed up in part by none other then Dan Shaugnessy seven years ago (direct Boston Globe link has been archived) and by many other articles and columns about the subject during this time frame, and earlier, but I'll avoid posting extensive links demonstrating this until and unless the bĂȘte noire of this site, former Boston Globe buttboy Bruce Mo** piously demand it. Even then, I'll tell him to fuck off and do his own research on the matter so he can come to the conclusion that he's wrong yet again. I have found it next to impossible to convince or persuade overt leftists of actual facts in any matter, as they wish to view the world as they want it to be, rather than what it is.

In conclusion, if Kevin Paul Dupont had real balls, he'd take this guy up on his offer:

Until then, this self-appointed arbiter of taste and civility should stick to hockey, and fuck off.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Eight Men Out

Shank goes a century back in time to recount the Chicago Black Sox scandal, from the hotel room where it all happened:
ROOM 615, BUCKMINSTER HOTEL — This is where the greatest professional sports scandal in American history went down. Bigger than Deflategate. Right in the very spot where I am sitting.

I am talking about the Black Sox scandal of 1919. And I am sitting in the spot where the idea was hatched. Right here in the shadow of the Citgo sign (it wasn’t there in 1919). My room is less than 300 feet from the Green Monster, which was part of the landscape in 1919 when Chicago White Sox first baseman Chick Gandil sat with Hub gambler Joseph “Sport” Sullivan and agreed to get some teammates to throw the upcoming World Series against the Cincinnati Reds.
It's a good read, but Shank simply can't help himself and mars it by mentioning Deflategate one more time, as well as working in a reference to the chicken & beer fiasco five years ago.

Deflategate Is Over

As expected, the obligatory Shank column:
Let’s acknowledge once again that this was a minor infraction, never proved by the NFL. But the Patriots dug their own grave by behaving like a guilty party from the jump. The Patriots did everything a guilty man does. They failed to produce the equipment guys after damning texts were found. They suspended said employees and refused to talk about them or make them available. They issued their own version of events, the embarrassing “Wells Report In Context,” then summoned media friends from across the land to slaughter Roger Goodell — an easy errand. Brady destroyed his cellphone when he was suppposed to meet with Ted Wells.
But if it gives Shank another chance to shit on Robert Kraft, it's all good.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

And Now For More Boston Globe Bashing - XXXVIII

The Good Ship Globe continues to lose deck hands:
The Globe plans to turn boston.com into a travel, entertainment and forum site that also serves as a "portal" to Globe news content, as it concentrates on bulking up the news at bostonglobe.com, boston.com managers told their staff today. And that means a bunch of them will be asked to leave.

Rehash Radio XVII - Now With Half The Calories!

I'd first like to take this opportunity to thank my client Tom, who scheduled a meeting at 11:00 this morning, allowing me to miss Shank taking a piss on the Patriots:

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Deflategate Rolls On

Bad news for the New England Patriots is good news for Shank:

Good of the Patriots to make your day, Danny Boy!

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Opportunity Presents Itself

Do you have any questions for Shank? Here's your chance to ask him; feel free to troll away!

Monday, July 11, 2016

Tomorrow's News, Today!

I hereby present you tomorrow's template for 98.5 The Sports Hub radio talking points from the Shankster. He's back on the bandwagon, folks!
What a day. The Red Sox vaulted into the All-Star break with a Hakuna Matata, “Everything is Awesome,” feel-good first-half finale better than any Tom Werner sitcom pilot ever scripted.

On the final Sunday before the Sox sent six guys (OK, five, since Craig Kimbrel is hurt) to the Midsummer Classic, the locals got eight stellar innings from $217 million ace David Price and thrashed the moribund Tampa Bay Rays, 4-0, on Sunday. The victory keeps Boston in a second-place tie with the Blue Jays, two games off the pace as Baseball America shuts down for a four-day siesta interrupted only by the annual All-Star showcase Tuesday in San Diego.

After finishing in last place three times in four seasons, the Red Sox at this hour are a wild-card playoff entry and pretty well-positioned for a strong second half. Perhaps most important, in the Academy Award words of Sally Field, you like them. You really like them.
Even his quote ripoff is ancient, weighing in at 31 years.

Saturday, July 09, 2016

DHL Dan - LVI

It seems Shank didn't fully vent his spleen from Thursday night's Wilbur Theater performance, as the first half of this column comes across as 'bitch, bitch, bitch', but I'd like to focus on Shank's very first subject.

I was driving around yesterday afternoon, 4:00 - 4:30 window, so I turn on Felger & Mazz. Would you like to take a wild guess about what they were talking about? Take it away, Shank!
■ Can’t fault Brady for fighting his suspension all the way to the Supreme Court, but it’s better for the Patriots if the suspension is upheld and Brady sits out the first four games. It gives the team a chance to find out what they have in Jimmy Garoppolo without threatening their birthright atop the Tomato Can AFC East. The high court drama is great for sports talk (we know! - ed.), but I’m betting Bill Belichick would like to have a little clarity regarding his QB situation as the Patriots prepare for summer camp.
Not even trying to hide it anymore, is he? What a lazy hack.

Friday, July 08, 2016

Night Out At The Wilbur

Reader Walter R. sent me a reminder of last night's event - the baseball writer's symposium at the Wilbur Theater featuring a lot of baseball folks (writers, former players, etc.) and that someone was live tweeting the whole thing. By the looks of things, Bill Lee stole the show, but not before Shank was done mucking up the works. You won't believe some of these tweets, or maybe you will!


Dan Shaughnessy - misunderstanding sports fans for over thirty years!

You picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!

Please check your weapons at the door...

This next one is a fucking beauty:

Is Shank really that lacking in self-awareness that he feels the need to play the martyr card? Poor Shank - he's just misunderstood! Then again, these two things may be connected.

Eventually, there will be zero people who work in the Globe baseball department - equality achieved!

But wait - Shank's not done playing the martyr:

You're not used to it - you just got done complaining about it! So, the sports columnist who's been using his position as a bully pulpit to second guess, criticize, demean and otherwise shit on professional athletes, managers and owners for the better part of four decades is in reality a thin skinned crybaby pussy who can't take what he dishes out? Fuck him, fuck the Boston Globe, and I hope people keep giving him the business, wicked fucking hard.

Thursday, July 07, 2016

The One That Got Away

After jinxing the Boston Celtics' pursuit of Kevin Durant, Shank partially redeems himself by telling the story of that pursuit from Danny Ainge's perspective.
You saw the photograph of Tom Brady walking with Celtic folks Danny Ainge, Steve Pagliuca, Kelly Olynyk, and Marcus Smart in the Hamptons last Saturday. You heard about TB12 assisting the Celtics in their recruiting trip to Kevin Durant’s place on Long Island. You know the Celtics did not land the big fish, but you’re curious how all this went down.

Now the story can be told. According to Ainge, who spoke with the Globe from Utah Thursday morning, this is how the holiday weekend sports summit in the Hamptons unfolded:
It's worth reading in full, and you know we don't say it that much around here.

The One Where Shank Talks To Baseball Prospectus

Tim Britton at Baseball Prospectus sits down with Our Man Shank and cover a lot of ground. Some highlights:
TB: How have you seen your relationship with guys change as your profile has gotten larger?

DS: I just worry that the young guys are instructed, "Watch out for this guy. He's trouble." I like everybody to make up their own mind.
...
TB: Do you view your column as an extension of your personality, or do you sometimes play a character?

DS: ...I probably do the elbow-in-the-ribs-in-the-elevator every now and then just because it feels good. But I mean, don't love [the team] more than your families. What's in the column is how I feel at the time. It's not to get clicks or trolling. I love how trolling has become, "I disagree with you, therefore you're trolling." It's anything that's not my opinion. I don't even know what trolling is except if you say something that's different.
...
TB: What nickname that you've been given do you mind the least?

DS: I basically accept everything. The mayor of Hartford called me a Chia pet, which I thought was pretty good. Obviously, Carl Everett with Curly-Haired Boyfriend. I thought that was pretty clever. Clif Keane is the guy who first took me up here, he covered the '46 Red Sox in the World Series. He liked Holy Cross guys and he was good to me. He would come back later and sit back there and he called me the baby-faced assassin. I liked that one. I wore that one with honor.

The Shank thing started with the Celtics (incorrect - ed.). I think Kevin McHale probably invented that, and I loved those guys. When I hear it from them, it feels like a term of endearment. When it's out in the street and WEEI listeners, not so much.
Nice of Shank to lie about his primary nickname because it makes him look like less of a backstabbing jackass.

Tuesday, July 05, 2016

The One Where The CHB Perpetuates Manager Myths

The typical CHB column consists of a very simple formula:

  1.  Start with a provocative (read: absurd) lede. 
  2.  Give a few supporting details to flesh out the lede. 
  3.  Then regurgitate the backstory, relying on as many previously written sentences and "jokes" as you can. 
  4.  Take a shot at the management of whichever team you are writing on that day. 
  5.  (Optional) Throw in a reference to Larry Bird.
Today's piece follows that formula to a T.

The emphasis (I don't dare say point, since there wasn't one) of the piece is on John Farrell, but as is his milquetoast way, The CHB doesn't say whether Farrell should be fired; only that it's what people are talking about. Naturally, in pursuit of his trite analysis, he leaves out a few important details.

Such as

"After everything that’s happened around here, Farrell knows he’s just one more slump away from the fate that ultimately awaits every man in the corner office at Fenway."

(False. Ralph Houk retired after the 1984 season. You'd think Mr. Curse of the Bambino would know such trivia.)

And "Grady [Little] was buried for one bad decision."

(False. Grady was buried for numerous bad decisions, not the least of which ignoring all the data the team statisticians were coming up with.)

And "How many times do you see a manager/coach fired while his team is still on a path to the playoffs?"

(Often. But under John Henry, it has not happened with the Red Sox; this ownership group has yet to fire a manager mid-season.)

And "Terry Francona's not walking through that door."

(Good. Tito had peaked. It was time for him to go. He had lost control of the clubhouse. Or perhaps The CHB doesn't remember the whole "beer and chicken" fiasco, which would be strange, since he wrote about it endlessly. Still, you'd think The CHB would remember writing about Torey Lovullo and how promising he was when filling in for Farrell over two months last season )

P.S. The Red Sox under Farrell won the 2013 World Series. Guess how many World Series the Indians have won under Tito. Zero. I'll take my chances with Lovullo.

Monday, July 04, 2016

Dream On

Shank laments the signing of Kevin Durant by the Golden State Warriors:
No.

We (we? - ed.) got our hopes up when Al Horford signed with the Celtics, and we saw that photo of Tom Brady hanging with Kevin Durant and assorted Celtics in the Hamptons.

Then came recruiting pitches from David Ortiz and Julian Edelman. The impossible suddenly seemed possible, and we allowed ourselves to believe that the Celtics might actually land the greatest free agent in franchise history.