Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Alexandra 'Sasha' McHale

Shank's latest column talks about the recent passing of 'Sasha' McHale, Kevin McHale's daughter. Full article is at the link.

Monday, November 26, 2012

You're Fired!

After four years on the job and this season's 2 - 10 record, Boston College football coach Frank Spaziani gets shitcanned. Shank takes the predictable parochial route while pretending to care about the former coach.
We are old people who mail handwritten letters and make phone calls while the rest of the world sends e-mails and texts.
Correction - you are an old person using snail mail and rotary phones, so speak for yourself.
We are English-speaking tourists, dropped into a city square in Sicily, trying to understand what everyone is saying. We are sports-crazed Bostonians, blissfully unaware why the rest of the country makes such a big deal out of college football. Boston College, the only Division 1 program in Greater Boston, fired its football coach on Sunday. After four disappointing seasons, bottoming out with this year’s 2-10 bomb, Frank Spaziani was relieved of his duties by new athletic director Brad Bates.
This one's buried behind the Great Globe Paywall, so my guess is that we're not missing much...

Thursday, November 22, 2012


As traditional as turkey and football, today's Shanksgiving column is designed to make you believe he's not the asshole he usually is during the rest of the season.
If the lion sleeps tonight, it’s probably because he ate too much tryptophan.


But football owns Thanksgiving — especially in Massachusetts, where just about every high school plays its final regular-season game this morning.

The first Thanksgiving was in 1621 at Plymouth Plantation, just a few miles from where Plymouth North (3-6) will play Plymouth South (7-3) at 10 a.m.
Et cetera, ad nauseum. Somehow it's always about Massachusetts, but you knew that already.

You also knew Monday's column was written not to disprove the notion that Shank's a lazy columnist. He is; that was his first column in eleven days. It was written for one purpose only - to leverage Gronkowski's forearm break in order to take shots at Bill Belichick, and nothing else. Mike's post below amply demonstrates this. Today's column is an annual, disingenuous staple written in order to lull the reader into believing there's a compassionate side to Dan Shaughnessy. Poppycock.

Tomorrow's column, or non-column, will prove the theorem; if the Patriots win, no column will be written unless something happens in that game that allows Shank to take one or more shots at Belichick and / or owner Robert Kraft. If the Patriots lose, all fucking hell will break loose.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Whiner's Lines

The CHB is all in a huff today because the Patriots aren't ... well, they aren't something.

First it's that Rob Gronkoswki was playing near the end of a blowout victory. "Gronk didn’t need to be on the field and the grid god got even, breaking the bone of New England’s Sub Zero superstar," sayeth His Shankness.

Oh, but it seems anyone who actually knows something about, you know, football defended the decison:

  • "Jeff Saturday was my right guard on the PAT team, and I'd never think of taking him off," says ex Super Bowl winning coach Tony Dungy. "All my years in football, I never heard anyone, never heard Chuck Noll saying, 'Well, we better get Jack Ham off the PAT team.' It's not something I'd question."
  • "You always leave your starters in on the PAT, even on the field-goal block team," says ex Super Bowl winning linebacker Tedy Bruschi.

So Shank moves on to the next bitch:  "We can’t go there yet because the Patriots haven’t even acknowledged the injury."

Except that they have: "Asked for an update Monday on Gronkowski, coach Bill Belichick said, 'I don't really have anything. I know that our medical people are looking at all the players today when they come in, trying to assess their situation, like we always do on Monday. I'll catch up with them as they've had a chance (to gather that information).' "

So we go to the third and final whine, which is really the point of the entire column: "Belichick stonewalls just because he can." Yes, yes he does. And so far, that seems to be working. Five Super Bowl appearances, three victories...seriously, you really need the coach to be Smilin Jack Connors?

Next complaint, please!

Monday, November 19, 2012

Shank Could Use Your Help

When natural disasters strike and affect our fellow man, we ought to reach out and lend a helping hand.
Nearly half of the thousands of homeowners waiting for FEMA and other governmental disaster assistance following Sandy had let their flood insurance lapse, according to industry estimates.

“We were told flood insurance went up to $2,400 a year,” said Dan Shaughnessy of Rockaway Park, whose home was destroyed. “My wife was just laid off, and we haven’t had [the ocean] touch the bay since 1936, so I said, ‘OK, right now, while money is tight, I’ll cut out the $2,400 a year.’ ”
“Luckily, FEMA came through with $30,000, thank God, which is going to help us move forward,” Shaughnessy said.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Do Columnists Get Bye Weeks?

It's been well over a week since Shank wrote his last Boston Globe column. Today's game between the Patriots and Colts may have produced a Shank column like this one, but you'd be wrong.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Gone Fishing?

We haven't seen our man Shank in print for a week now, but he has made the rounds at Comcast Sports New England (November 7th, November 11 and November 12) and CBS Local (November 6 and November 12).

Before you click on the CNSNE links, annoying ad warning; annoying Shank voice warning on the other two...

Thursday, November 08, 2012

Tommy Points

Shank has a very good column on longtime Boston Celtic Tommy Heinsohn.
You know him as the color man on Celtics television broadcasts. You know him as Fred Flintstone barking about referees. You know him as a booming, opinionated guy who loves the Celtics and has no use for the lugs running up and down the floor in visitors uniforms.

He is Tommy Heinsohn, Mr. Celtics, an institution on Causeway Street.

What too many of you don’t know is that Heinsohn was one of the greatest Celtics of all time, and that he coached more Celtic seasons than any man other than Red Auerbach. In one way or another, Heinsohn has been part of the Celtics for 57 years.

He played when Johnny Most honked for the Celtics. And now he has become a hulking, ex-jock version of Most. Heinsohn is the ultimate homer and we love him for it. But there is so much more about him that you need to know.

Sunday, November 04, 2012

Shiny Happy Papi

The man who Shank once called 'a sad sack of you-know-what' has signed a two year deal with the Red Sox.
His first Red Sox manager was Grady Little. He was here before “Fever Pitch” and the new version of “Tessie.’’ In his early days as a Red Sox pinch hitter, he warmed the bench alongside Lou Merloni.

David Ortiz goes back. Trupiano Way Back. He was in uniform with the Red Sox the night Aaron Boone broke New England’s heart and he was in the dugout when Robert Andino ended Boston’s 2011 season in Baltimore.
From there we're treated to a recap of Ortiz's career, comparisons to other Red Sox sluggers and one 'sons of Tito Francona' mention. In other words, another formulatic, paint by the numbers column.

Friday, November 02, 2012

Hop On The Green Line

Shank takes a walk down memory lane before tonight's Celtics home opener against the Milwaukee Bucks.
Ode to the Celtics.

Paul Pierce played with Antoine Walker, who played with Rick Fox, who played with Larry Bird, who played with Dave Cowens, who played with John Havlicek, who played with Bob Cousy.

This is one of the things I love about the Celtics. There are only five guys separating Truth from the Cooz.

Friday night is the 67th home opener for our local NBA franchise.
This is one of his better efforts in recent memory, aside from the following disingenuous paragraph:
But this current Celtics group has given us little to challenge. Wyc Grousbeck, Steve Pagliuca & Associates are fans, but they aren’t calling plays from the bench. They deliver a pretty good product. They haven’t insulted or pandered to their fans. We were skeptical about them in the early days, but as owners go, they have ranked surprisingly low on the buffoonery scale.
Robert Kraft has owned the New England Patriots since 1994. They have won numerous division titles since that time, have appeared in six Super Bowls in that time span and won three of them. Has Robert Kraft given 'us' little to challenge? Yes. Has that prevented Shank from taking all sorts of shots at Kraft? No bleepin' way - I can't link to all the examples.

John Henry & Tom Werner have been the lead owners of the Boston Red Sox since 2002. They have won two World Series championships since that time, when many fans would think they would pass on before the Red Sox would win a World Series, let alone two. Has this ownership group given 'us' little to challenge? Until September 2011, that answer would be yes. Has that prevented Shank from taking all sorts of shots at, let's face it, John Henry (since Tom Werner got Shank's daughter an internship four plus years ago)? Once again, no way in hell, and once again, I can't link to all the examples.

It's too bad Shank has to trash an otherwise good column with demonstrably false statements like the above paragraph.

Thursday, November 01, 2012

Content For The Next Shank PUP Column

Shank hasn't been shitting on too many people recently. The lawsuit against Curt Schilling ought to change that a bit.
PROVIDENCE, R.I. -- Rhode Island's economic development agency on Thursday sued former Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling and some of its former officials, saying they committed fraud and other acts that misled the state into approving a $75 million loan guarantee to his failed video game company.

UPDATE AT 7:05 pm - Zero Hedge piles on:
Doping cyclists, UK banks which manipulate every possible thing they are involved with, and now embezzling one-time baseball millionaire greats with bloodied socks... Is nothing sacred anymore?